I need serious advice - Obesity Message Board

Dominique_101 · 08-29-2004, 01:38 AM

Help!

Hello, My name is Dominique and I am 14 years old and weigh 208. When I was 10 years old my mom and dad split up. They had a dangerous relashonship. My dad was physically abusive towards me my mom and my sister. He grew up without a father and I guess that caused him to not learn how to treat women with respect. When my mom left the day of my birthday (I don't blame her If I could have left then I would have) I was traumatised. My dad made me feel overwhelming guilt and wouldn't stop talking about my mom in swears. They hadn't divorced yet so they just decided 4 days at each of there home's would be fine. They got back together for a while. I thought that my life would go back to what I thought is normal. But soon after they seperated again making me and my sister head more about how stupid our mother was. Everyone deals with a divorce in there own way. I knew that I just didn't know how I was dealing with it. My sister who was a year and a half older than me would try to go somewhere so she didn't have to be home all the time. She built a wall to the life that she was living in a built herself an imaginary world where everything would always be ok. My little brother by 3 years was only 7 at that time and was too young to understand what "Divorce" Meant. But he cried when Mommy or Daddy would cry. Me. I realise now that when my dad would call me into the kitchen to "Talk" to me about my mom I would listen and nod my head until he was finished and left the room. Then I would take a snack out of the fridge. I slowly began to gain weight.I kept on with this process and by the time I was 12 I weight about 160 pounds. When I turned 12 that year my sister moved out of the house to go live with my mom and her boyfriend full time. She was 14 at the time and was old enough. I could tell her walls had broken. But when I looked across the hall at her empty room. I couldn't do anything but Cry...And go get some food.

Life didn't get better from then on. I had "So Called Friends" Who would stab me in the back. And would deny it. I so wanted to be accepted. I knew I was fat. And I wanted to lose weight. But my food addiction was to strong at that point. Olivia had been out of the house now for 5 months. So I was still 12 and she was still 13 because she was an end of the year baby. I began eating more at home. I would sneak into the kitchen turn on the water. And steal my 2nd or 3rd popsicle that day. I was only allowed 1 a day. And 3 is a lot. That year something bad happened. I woke up one day and noticed a small bit of hair on my pillow. I thought it was probably just because I had put to much gel in it. So I dismissed it. But my hair fell out everyday. Large clumps of it. Finally my mom took me to the doctor when half of the top of my head was bald. The doctor send a letter to winnipeg and that March me and my mom went to see a dermatolagist. I was diagnose with Alopecia.

All the top and front of my hair fell out. I wore an ugly curly brown wig and then I got a blond one (I was brunette). Sometimes when I would walk down the hallways in my school someone would pull it off. So you could guess what I did. I ate.

My hair slowly grew back. I wore a wig or bandana until I could spike my hair. It was close to my 13th birthday. And I was exited because I could finally grow my hair long again. My hair when long hangs in tight curls. I got a lot of pimples that year. I guessed I would be getting my period soon. I weighted my self and I weight 172. My social life wasn't the best still. I mean I was still fat so who would like me? Some people would ask me where my wig went.

I turned 13 on the 15th of April and that summer I moved to my moms so I could be a happier person at that time I weighed 185. My body doesn't show the weight alot because of the places it sits. But I can see it and feel it and I feel disgusting. I mean I was 13 I wanted to be thin. I failed that year. My grade 7 teacher hated me. I knew I couldn't blame it on that though. It was around Christmas. I was so exited my hair was starting to get long. But my weight was still at around 180-185. Atleast I had one thing right? Wrong. Christmas...Like on the 15 of December. I noticed that small clumps of hair were falling out in the shower. I began crying and I rushed out and told my mom. She said everyone's hair falls out a bit. I nodded and agreed with her. But I wasn't sure. I was nervous. So I took some cheese and made a grilled cheese in the microwave. December 17...I remember it like it was yesterday. I woke up and found a HUGE clump of my hair on my pillow. I knew that second my Alopecia was back. Me and my mom cried for a while. And I at somemore. I got a new wig and went to see the dermatolagist again. They diagnosed me with a rare form of alopecia. It also had to do with an Iron deficioncy.

Now, I am 14 and Obese. I feel so ugly and fat. And I REALLY want to lose weight. I mean I have a food addiction. My mom told me that and hugged me. She tries to help me but its hard. I don't want to lose weight for anyone but me. I just want to feel better about myself

Any Thought's I would really appreciate it.

Dominique.

llamamuffinmama · 08-29-2004, 10:31 AM

Wow, Dominique. It sounds like you have really been through a lot. Food addiction might be part of the problem, but you really do have a lot on your plate being in school (and being 14 is hard work anyway! i remember it well), and having to deal with family struggles, alopecia, etc on top of that. It sounds like your mother is sympthetic and trying to help you, which is wonderful. I wonder if having someone else to talk to who isn't involved in your family's day to day stuff might really help you as well. Your post really brought me back to what it was like for me growing up, as I had a similar family situation, unpredictable skin, self-medicated with food, felt ashamed and didn't know what to do, etc. I think finding a healthy way to live and cope with this stuff is probably more of a priority than losing weight, and if you can do this and find a balance of sorts, losing weight might be the natural consequence (not relying on food as much when you are overwhelmed by the problems around you, but having other strategies to deal with them) or at least be a lot easier.

before i went vegan (which i did because of animal suffering, not because of my weight), i was obese myself, but i lost 100 pounds and i'm now a healthy weight. I'd recommend this lifestyle to anyone. I feel healthy and alive in a way I don't remember ever feeling before and I know I'm doing the right thing for the animals and the planet, too. There are lots of great resources online to help you if you want to give it a shot.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Dominique_101 · 08-29-2004, 12:55 PM

Thank you I guess I should consider being a Vegan

maak823 · 09-03-2004, 12:25 PM

Dominique-
You do not have to be a vegan to lose weight. You need counseling, you need to get your feelings in order, then it will be easier to tackle the food addiction. Please talk to your mother and see if you can get to a counselor to help you deal with the emotional stress in your life. Then work with your medical doctor to find an appropriate diet that suits you.

Take care,
MAAK

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dominique_101

Thank you I guess I should consider being a Vegan

MrsLee · 09-09-2004, 01:56 PM

Hi Dominique, It sounds like you have been through so much at such a young age. If I could I would give you a big hug. It is hard being at your age, I remember it so well. Kids can be really mean, especially if you look different to them. You are wise to realize you need some sort of help. I too would suggest counseling. There are a lot of emotional issues that go along with obesity. From there maybe you can see a nutritionist. Since you are only 14, your body is still growing and developing. It would be unhealthy to start a diet or anything without consulting a doctor. But I do believe counseling would be a huge first step to feeling better about life. Good luck sweety, and take care!