Please give advice - I'm scared - Obesity Message Board

Sister · 10-14-2004, 11:24 PM

Hi - My daughter is 38 years old and weights about 320 lbs. - she is 5'7" tall. She works as a pre-school teacher and supports her 3 children and has a worthless boyfriend who doesn't work. One of her children is his. If she could just lose weight I think she could control her life better and not let people walk all over her. She is also housing a relative and his wife, temporarily, who are both bums. She is the local door-mat. But the main reason I am so scared and worried (so is her teen-age daughter) about her is her health. If anything happened to her, like a heart attack or stroke, it would literally ruin her children's lives, because they are so close to her. When my grand-daughter or I say anything to her about this, it seems like it hurts her feelings so we don't say much. She lost 95 pounds about 3 years ago after she got a divorce, but she gained it all back and about 50 lbs. more. What I would like is if any of you on this board have any advice for me? Something I could say or do to help her - or motivate her? Is there such a thing as an obesity doctor? I'm just so afraid something will happen to her healthwise, (not to mention, I know she's very unhappy and physically miserable) and then I'll look back and feel like it was my fault because I didn't do anything to help her. Thank you.

valleyman · 10-15-2004, 12:31 PM

It must be very hard for you, and I can't really offer any advice as i'm not well versed on the subject.

You should tell your daughter how you feel. Obesity doctor i don't know about, but she should go see a dietician. I would recommend you get her a new diet book which my father got me, it's called "You are what you eat" and was very helpful, although may be expensive to follow.

Sorry that I can't be of more help.

jojo64 · 10-18-2004, 11:36 AM

It sounds like she has some self esteem issues and the weight problem is a symptom of those issues, not the cause.

Asmileygirl · 10-23-2004, 05:59 PM

Your daughter is obviously having self esteem issues leading to depression, which in many cases leads to obesity, If i were u, which im not, i would research gastric bypasses for her. I have talked to many people and they say they arent even in pain afterward,also u and her child should intervene. Be strong and simply sit her down even if she cries and tell her she must listen. Inform her that u are thinkin for the best for her and the children. Ask her how would she feel if she has a heart attack? What would the kids do? Make sure u bring up all your and her daughters concerns. LAstly re assure her u love her! U are doing and saying these things for her, because you love her and want her to be around to see her children grow up, she may cry, she may share her feelings, maybe she'll get angry with u. but when her daughter looks her in her face and tells her she's worried about her dying, your daughter will see the love and the care and express herself. <<this is my advice hope it helps>>