I don't know what it's like not to be fat - Obesity Message Board

src79 · 03-03-2009, 11:17 PM

Hello everyone.

I have used healthboards a few times for other things, but tonight I was looking for weight loss help and stumbled upon this board. I hope you don't mind my jumping in.

I guess I kind of just need to get things off of my chest and tell my story (to strangers - odd how that's more comforting for some reason!), so here it goes...

I am 29 years old, and I have been fat my entire life. I remember being called fat by other children as a preschooler, and that has been my life since then. By the time I was in high school I weighed 275 lbs., I am a 5'3" female, by the way.

When I started college I got caught up in the "fat free" craze of the 90's and got down to about 165. Even though I was still overweight, I felt awesome. It didn't last long at all though, and I ended up bigger than ever, at 300 lbs.

I got married, had two children (now 4 and 2), and decided about a year ago that I wanted to get healthy for my children. I started trying to eat right and exercise and I lost over 50 lbs. A few months ago I gave up again, and I finally made myself get on a scale the other day and found out that I have gained 25 lbs. back. So, here I am at about 275 again.

I have a real problem with food. Growing up, everything my family did revolved around food. There was always a lot of it, and it was always unhealthy. I had grandmothers constantly cooking fatty (delicious!) southern food, and when we ate at home it was usually fast food or something else unhealthy. I would go to my grandmother's house after school and eat a full meal of whatever she had cooked that day, and then when my dad got home from work later that night we would have a full meal at home. It really was ridiculous, but I learned to associate good feelings with food, and it has been a hard habit to break.

My dad's mother died at age 47, she was probably around 400 lbs (just a guess). My dad is now 48 and recently had heart surgery, and the doctors said he was very close to a massive heart attack. I don't want to be like that. My children deserve better. I am very careful about feeding my kids healthy food, but I just can't stop myself from eating crap.

Sorry this is so long. I don't blame you if you didn't make it this far. No matter how motivated I get, I always end up screwing up. I want to change this, and I am so mad at myself (so mad, in fact, that I just had a pb&j and a dr. pepper at midnight, ugh).

Has anyone else succesfully overcome obesity after a lifetime of bad habits? Thanks for listening!

nina7281968 · 03-04-2009, 03:35 PM

Being over weight stinks I know with me I would get depressed about summer shorts I was so embarresed that I wore capri's all summer long wouldn't swim if anybody was there. Now I am 40 years old have had 4 kids I'm 5ft 2in and weight 181 lost some weight gained it plus some went to 194 my husband got lap band 6 months ago and has lost 65lbs well I decided enough is enough I finally put the taco down! my sister and I decided to lose weight together and be each others support shes 4ft 11in and 244 but in two weeks she has lost 11lbs and I am at 180 I believe if you have somebody to lean on talk to work out with give low cal recipes to it makes all the difference I think we are doing great and I know we feel better. But I beleive when you put your mind to it and have support it work it is a life changing thing but you have children that need you around so get a friend relative or spouse lifes already too short so lets try to give ourselves more time.

jann71 · 03-06-2009, 02:20 PM

I can sure identify with you src. I can remember weighing 152 pounds in the 5th grade. I am almost 38, 5'7, and I weigh 340 (I can share that with you since you are a stranger lol). In the summer/fall of 1995 I weighed 252. I started having trouble with my back and was on prednisone several times over the years which contributed to getting me to the weight I am today. Eating whatever I want when I want doesn't help either though. Like you, I can remember the meals with grandparents, the real "unhealthy" way they cooked which tasted awesome!

I think my problem is that I just love the taste of food. I don't eat when I'm upset or depressed, I eat because I like how something tastes. I've always said if they would remove my taste buds I would lose weight. I will sit and think about certain foods, like say the local chinese buffet, and I'll talk myself right into it and get myself into a tizzy wanting it so badly that I'll jump in the car and go eat there. I lay in bed at night thinking about what I want to eat the next day. It's bad. I think I am obessed with food and I have zero willpower. My stomach must be huge. I can really hold some food.

I have so many medical conditions, most of which would be helped if I could lose weight, but I don't ever forsee that I will. I live in a really rural place, so the closest place I could go to for lap banding or bypass surgery is a 6 hour drive away. And honestly, I would probably just stretch my stomach back out and negate the surgey anyway. I guess I'm destined to be obese. And it will probably kill me. And I don't know what to do.

I've always said that I have more important things to worry about that what I put in my mouth. I reason it out like this: a person can eat healthy, exercise, do everything right, and then could be kiiled in an accident or fall over their own feet and hit their head and die. So what was it all for? I may as well enjoy my life while I'm alive. And I enjoy food. I wish I didn't. I wish I could lose it. I have never been slim in my whole life. Just once I would like to know how it feels to look good, to be able to buy nice clothes, etc. As it is I'm just hoping I don't gain anymore. I've been at this weight for going on two years. I've practically given up on getting any smaller.

I'm sorry but I don't have any answers for you src, I just wanted to share my story with you and say you aren't alone. Thanks for reading. God bless!

nina7281968 · 03-09-2009, 09:45 AM

Jann I know you could stretch your stomach from lapband but what about gastric they reroute your stomach right to your intestines and I think they remove part of your stomach I really don't know my husband has had lapband and he's doing great he off his blood pressure meds and his labs look good for once .I too love food and love Chinese but I try to find lower cal like chicken terikayi with rice and vegges low cal I know not everything we crave comes in low cal but maybe if you looked into gastric that might work for you I wish you the very best I hope you write us back in the near future and tell us I know what it feels like to be thin!!!!!!

src79 · 03-09-2009, 11:39 PM

Thanks for the replies everyone. Jann - I understand where you're coming from. Any time I go out with my family, the main thing on my mind is "where are we going to eat." I look forward to meals more than just about anything else. I'm going to change this, I really have to.