Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
At 54 years old, my mother is very obese. We love her very much and support her through her decisions in life; however, she needs to desperately lose weight and become healthy. I would like to see her shed the weight so that she can enjoy her life and do things without having the strain of her excessive body weight. No one in my family is as overweight as she is, and I feel she is embarrassed by how she looks. It makes me cry some days. I really want to help her.
This is where I need YOUR HELP: Please, tell me all you know about the Gastric Bypass surgery -- complications, positives, negatives, expenses, dieting, food and anything else correlated to gastric bypass patients.
I really appreciate any feedback and thank you in advance.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
I am sorry for how you feel and not be able to do anything about it and truly you can't do anything. So much goes into becoming obese that first your mom would need to find out why or how she got this way. Has she had a medical exam and a psychiatric review? Those things need to be done before you even think of surgery of any kind. There is a reason people gain weight and your mom needs to know the reasons before it would do any good to do surgery. And you have said how you feel about her weight ...but she needs someone to tell her story to. We all have stories to tell and perhaps something has happened along the way of her life and she needs to speak with a professional about it. If she is sad/depressed then take her to a doctor. If she is okay with herself right now then just love her.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnD
Has she had a medical exam and a psychiatric review? .... If she is sad/depressed then take her to a doctor. If she is okay with herself right now then just love her.
I do appreciate the time you took to write the reply; however, I don't feel that is the right answer. I am a professional - although not in the medical field - and don't feel that "just loving her" is enough. This is a serious health factor that she needs to take care of. At times she is depressed, and really, I cannot blame her. She is not psychotic.
What are some steps she can take with regard to the surgery?
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
I am sorry that you absolutely misunderstand mental health counseling ...there are reasons for addictions and that is why you can't really help her...you can only suggest she get medical/mental health help. If her medical health is ok and there isn't some underlying thyroid or other diseases that contribute to weight gain then the next step is mental health counseling to see why she eats so much. So... yes just loving her is about all you can do for anyone with addictions. Did you think she doesn't know she is overweight...she knows that she is overweight and perhaps is shameful or maybe not ....it is your job as her daughter to just love her and try to understand why she got to this point. She has a life/thoughts that you as her daughter are not privileged to no matter how you see it. You describe the physical aspects of your mom but you don't mention her mental state...and that is the most important information you don't have. I guess I would have to ask how have you been treating her? are you embarrassed by her? Do you talk to her about it? Addictions are very difficult and your mom needs the professional help you don't see. Good luck.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
I had Gastric Bypass surgery 6 weeks ago. All the mental health counseling in the world wasn't going to change the fact that I needed to lose weight and lose it quick before I suffered permanent health consequences or worse, death.
I am not quite your mom's age, but close.
I can tell you the surgery is the best thing I ever did.
There's so much to research on it and I could go on and on forever answering all the questions you had. But what you should know is that like with every procedure/process - there's good and bad and people run the range of everything. Some (most) have good outcomes, some have bad outcomes. Some go fanatical and put tons of money into their foods, supplements, etc, and some don't and so on.
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I will check back here if you should have any questions I can answer from my own personal experience.
Last edited by mod-anon; 01-29-2010 at 09:01 PM.
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Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellinas
Again, what are some steps she can take with regard to the surgery? That WAS my initial question.
I would like to know about the surgery and speak to anyone who has been through the experience.
Please leave all other comments/elaborations/false assumptions out of this thread.
hi
i had the surgery in 2005. it has its ups and downs. i have lost a whole person plus some. i look good in clothes but i dont feel i look good without clothes. with all the sagging skin. i feel as though i look old. i have had 3 hernia's and i need iv iron because my body does not hold vita's. if you ask me surgery is not for everyone and is a personal choice. you have to be willing to do the work it is only a tool to help someone through weight loss. not a cure! if you ask me if i would do it all over again or if it was worth it. for me yes i would. but your mom has to feel good and want it. it is a lot of work. also it can be dangerous.
she needsto find a good morbid obesity dr. and speak with them. they will work with her.
you need to be open minded and respect your mom for her decisson. weigh is a personal battle. it is an addition. and that needs to be addressed as well. best of luck. my prayers are with your mom i know how she feels.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Most bariatric surgeons offer information seminars. You and your Mom can attend together or she could go with someone else or alone. There are specific web sites/support forums, personal experiences people have had with specific surgeons (the process and aftercare.)
Sometimes, her personal physician can be a real encouragement, may know your Mom from a different perspective than you, and the suggestion coming from her doctor may have more impact. Her doctor may not feel surgery is appropriate for your Mom.
I highly recommend finding 1-3 seminars in your area that your Mom could attend. It may help her to see she is not alone, many others face the problem, all ages and health conditions. It is not uncommon for exercise and some diet changes during the initial evaluation can motivate someone to stay with those modalities rather than proceed to surgery. She may be willing to just try it for a few months and see how it goes with the great support network these groups have.
If she is totally not interested, hearing it from you, then you could make an appt. with her doctor for yourself to see what else can be done.
If surgery is planned, she will be having multiple tests done for sleep apnea, cardiac, etc. These are time consuming but provide a great deal of information prior to surgery. This will be explained at the seminar.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
One of the best gifts your mom could give herself would be to eat like a Gastric Bypass person must eat after surgery. She might be amazed how much weight she will lose and not have to go thru the actual surgery.
This is only a suggestion, I am considering it for myself.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
I work in a hospital (as a social worker) and honestly our patients have to go through extensive counsleing BEFORE they are even considered for GB surgery.
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....I'm sure you just wish for your mother to be happy but maybe just getting her to go out for walks with you or talking a nutritionional cooking class together would make you BOTH healthier..and happier!!
Freedome of speech is a wonderful thing
Last edited by mod-anon; 03-06-2010 at 04:44 AM.
Reason: Please respond in a supportive and respectful manner to other posters.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Dearest Ellinas,
I feel for you so much. I have been grossly obese until the last three years and I only get a glimpse of the pain it caused my son sometimes.
Personally -I have three friends who have had some sort of surgical procedure to deal with their morbid obesity, and although it worked short-time, the underlying reasons why they got to big and couldnt stop eating stuff that made them that big were never dealt with. They all ended up putting ALL the weight back on PLUS !!! These are the hidden statistics that you dont hear of. They found ways to fuel the cravings for the food they couldnt stop eating
I have been to shrinks, commercial diet clubs, protein drinks, prepackaged meals, nutritionists, acupunctionists, natrapaths, obesity clinics etc etc etc
HOn, your Mum is probably a food addict and she probably doesnt WANT to stop eating...what addict wants to put their drug down.
Encourage her to find a way to deal with the reasons she is hurting herself in such a subtle way.
I found Food Addicts in recovery Anonymous the ONLY thing that has ever helped on all the levels that had me obese. I have a kind of allergy to certain foods. They make me intensely hungry. I have an emotional dependency on food and I have a fearful and insecure way of moving through life that becomes intolerable and I find myself wanting to numb on the food. I was defenseless until I found skills and tools in FA (Like Alcholics Anonymous -its free)
So look after yourself. You will need skills if you are in a relationship with someone who is active addiction (Like alanon (you dont have to be the relative of an alcholic -just an addict)
I hope this helps. I wish I could send you my photos to show you the miracle that I have NEVER been able to achieve. I have lost 220 lbs and kept it off for two years!!!!!
take care
Allison
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
I completely agree with the idea of going to the free seminars. It will get all of your questions answered and help you to decide what facility you might want to use. (This is assuming that she agrees.) If you approach this is the correct way, I think you might get her to be open to considering the surgery.
Does your Mom use the web? Another possibility would be to get her to register on a site dedicated to folks who have has some sort of bariatric surgery. She could develop a community where she can privately ask questions she might not want to run past you.
Also, I personally already know about 20 people who have had different surgeries...co workers, friends, family members. All have had differing levels of long term success but none of them have gained all of their weight back. 3 or 4 are at the point where I'd say they've gained about 50%, but it's been over several years and they had lost close to the 200 pound range so they've still lost about 100 pounds so it's hard to see that as not worth while!
Good luck. Hopefully your Mom is already thinking of a solution and this will just help her get the program going.
One more thought: Look into the Gastric Sleeve. It's an excellent option. The bypass isn't the only choice and it may not be the right solution for her. But that doesn't mean another option won't be.
Last edited by resolution09; 05-15-2010 at 05:26 PM.
Reason: adding info about Sleeving.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misty800
One of the best gifts your mom could give herself would be to eat like a Gastric Bypass person must eat after surgery. She might be amazed how much weight she will lose and not have to go thru the actual surgery.
This is only a suggestion, I am considering it for myself.
Good luck with it. I managed for 18 month. Lost a huge amount of weight. But without altering the size of my stomach I lived with constant hunger. If you can over come that for the rest of your life, you are a far stronger person than I.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Hi dear Ellinas,
Gastric banding or any other surgery doesnt address WHY your mum (or anyone else) has got that big. It is a band-aid. It treats the symptom, not the reason.
The only thing I have tried that worked was to accept I was in fact a Food addict and then deal with the addiction, the vast weight then came off a day at a time.
But ultimately the only thing you can really do -yourself...is to make sure you are looking after YOU!. IF you learn to look after yourself -maybe she will be inspired to start to learn to self care.
You could try ringing a meeting near you and see if there was someone who might take her to a meeting -or at least chat to her to give her hope.
<edited>
take care
Allison
Last edited by mod-anon; 05-16-2010 at 11:02 AM.
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Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Personally I see it more as a tourniquet than a band aide.
As stated by another poster, any good facility is doing counseling as they work through the process for surgery. That continues with support groups and dietitians and such after the surgery too.
Granted, if you are 20 I would strongly suggest you go for all of the therapy and get to the root cause before you consider anything drastic. But by your mid-50's you are burning daylight if you don't at least consider the choice if the surgical option is available for you. Hips, knees, diabetes, hbp, all of the medical problems can be resolved in days to months if you have surgery. If you go the therapy route alone, you need much longer. And a lot of people do not have that time.
Again, I'm not saying don't do the therapy. I'm just saying it can be done in concert with the surgery.
OP: This of course is all contingent upon your Mom considering this option. I would love to know if she's willing to open herself and attend some of the seminars. Initially there's a lot of fear. And you do have to deal with the "easy way out crowd". But I hope she considers it. I am and the more I investigate I find it's more about having it done at the right place than anything else.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
Personally I've lost about 65-70 lbs. through just diet and very minimal exercise.. I gained some back recently, but still.. everyone can, even gastric bypass patients.. I know 1 person who did that, and she almost died. She was otherwise healthy, young, but ended up spending about 4 months in a hospital. She's okay now, but.. might not have been. The risk is always there, but the alternative is safer, to just diet and exercise.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
I had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago, at the age of 36. I was generally healthy, but weighed close to 300 pounds and had a few co-morbidities related to my weight. I felt very healthy and blessed my good fortune in having the surgery during the "honeymoon" phase of weight loss, more weight loss, and yet more weight loss no matter what I ate or did/didn't do. Now, 5 years later, I have kept all of the weight off and have a so-called 'normal' BMI. I am also very anemic, with deficiencies in B & D vitamins, and although I'm only 42 I feel decades older than that: weak, rickety, fatigued, sore, depressed, and damn tired. I've been taking Vitron-C as well as other iron supplements, calcium citrate, B-12, multivitamins. My body simply doesn't absorb enough of the supplements and absolutely NONE of the nutrients in food.
If I had it to do over again, I'd have chosen nutritional counseling and a medically supervised diet. It wouldn't have been easy, but then, I'd rather live in an overweight body (remember: I mentioned that I had very few health problems prior to having WLS) than one that is chronically unhealthy. I am beyond tired of this. Of the transfusions, the temporary foothold in regaining some vitality, only to spiral back down into the never-ending cycle of fatigue and muscle spasms and crippling palpitations that mark the beginning of yet another trip to the lab and yet more painful infusions and injections.
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Last edited by mod-anon; 06-12-2010 at 07:05 AM.
Reason: Please respond in a supportive and respectful manner to other posters.
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
If you are considering gastric surgery, look into the gastric sleeve. I'd strongly recommend that no one have the gastric bypass without at least researching and considering the gastric sleeve. It's more involved, a more complex surgery initially and has a slightly longer healing time. But you do not have the issues of mal-absorption of vitamins and minerals. A lot of gastric experts will try to push you away because it has what is considered less of a success rate. Instead of losing 100 pounds a patient might only lose 85. But if that small difference does not bother you, it's a very different result as far as your body is concerned. Your digestive tract is left in place, just drastically reduce the amount of food you can take into your body.
It's unfortunate but a lot of gastric places are gunning to have the best metrics so they can say their program is the best. Rather than doing what's right for the patient, they want the best numbers. If you go to get gastric surgery and you feel like it's all about what they want, and not what's best for you, find another place.
And I will also add that at 40 I had no problems due to my being overweight. At 50+ it's a whole different story.
Last edited by mod-anon; 06-20-2010 at 05:35 PM.
Reason: removed quote
Re: Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese?
tracijo -
Your post has stuck with me. I don't know if you will see this but I was wondering if you knew that a gastric bypass can be "taken down". If you live in a large city area, it should not be too difficult to find a surgeon who has experience with undoing the by-pass. It's the one huge advantage to the bypass over the gastric sleeve. And as young as you still are and with the issues you are having, it sounds like you would be a idea candidate to be reversed.
Just wanted to put the idea out there since it's an option.
Is Gastric Bypass the answer for a Mom who is quite obese? 
