does this make any sense to you? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

alex85 · 02-04-2004, 05:33 PM

this is going to be like a vicious circle. my second sexual experience came about 2 weeks. for some reasons, it wasn't exactly what I expected. I guess practice makes it better. ok , ..., right after that, the thought of being gay came to my mind, since this would be an obvious reason for which I wouldn't enjoy sex with a woman. I never fantasized about men, I don't get aroused by men, none of that. so I considered myself straight so far. ok, now the thought of being gay is killing me. I'm afraid of being gay because I liked women and I'll miss the joy of being with them, if this makes any sense. I'm so stressed right now, that my sex drive dropped significantly from a 10 to a 0. It seems to me that all the time I am testing myself to see whether I'm gay or not. I look at guys on the street to see if I'm attracted to them, but I'm not. I watched some gay porn, and it didn't get me going. but I can't get rid of these thoughts. I wanna be myself again, and be relaxed when talkin to a girl, not questioning myself whether I'm attracted to her or not to prove my sexual orientation. ever since I know myself, I considered women the most beautiful thing, but now, these obsessive thoughts are killing me. btw, I was in love with a girl before, and I had several crushes on girls. I don't think I'll ever fall in love if I keep going like this. so what do you guys think? does this sound like OCD to you? or do you think I'm gay? can I turn gay overnight? thank you for your time and understanding

WizardPhrog · 02-04-2004, 06:06 PM

Hi,
Being gay isn't a disease, it's a sexual preferance. What you have to decide is,"Am I seriously gay or because that wasn't the best experience am I thinking I am?" Hope that helps,
-Len

alex85 · 02-04-2004, 06:16 PM

I think I'm gay because that wasn't the best experience I had. And I don't think being gay is a disease. But OCD is a mental disorder to my understanding. And the thought of being gay kind of obssesses me. I HONESTLY don't think I'm gay, but my mind tells me something else. Do you understand what I'm saying? I was not and am not attracted to men. I've always been attracted to women, I always pictured myself having sex with women. Now, these compulsive thoughts deprive me of my feelings towards women.

girl_up_town · 02-04-2004, 06:32 PM

Alex, I don't think for one minute you're gay, its your mind working overtime making you doubt yourself. I had the same thing (I'm a girl, 32yrs old) and I had that when I was at school, exactly the same thing, a horrible intense all-consuming fear, basically making myself sick with precisely the same thing. Testing myself out, imaging horrible scenarios of having to tell my friends and parents that I was gay and imagining the worst. You're not gay, I'd almost be prepared to put money on it, and anyway even if you were, so what? It doesn't really matter anyway, plenty of people have good lives who are gay. Rest easy mate, the worry will eventually pass and you'll see the obsession for what it is, when you're mind is racing like it is, its hard to make sense of anything ... try not to let it frighten you. If you need to talk some more there's plenty of support here, a lot of us have been through similar things ...
Take it easy
Girl_up_town

welcometothezoo · 02-05-2004, 01:14 AM

It's impossible, everyone is born with a permanent sexual preferance, genetically. What ever your first sexual interests were as a child, that is what sexuality you are. Sexuality doesn't change overnight. Remember we all thought george Michael was straight and then suddenly he's gay? it's no magical chemical change, he always was. Don't do all the checking that you do! u could ask every person on this board, or everyhealth professional, and they'd tell u its the absolute wrong thing to do! Accept that u r susceptible to obsessing, that's the cure. But first, check it over with a psychologist.