I'm new here, but I've been reading previous posts for the past couple of days to see if there is a possibility I have OCD. I was first diagnosed with depression a week before Christmas. I was lethargic, had no appetite, didn't care about doing anything but stay in bed. I have never been through anything like this before in my almost 25 years of life. I was immediately put on 10mg of Lexapro, and I've been on it since December 18th. My depression lifted within a couple of weeks, but now I'm having severe obsessive thoughts. During my depression I started thinking about my wife being hurt......very graphic things that would really raise my anxiety. Although these thoughts aren't as graphic now, I still have them every day. I'm also afraid of hurting other people occasionally, but it is mainly my wife. I'm always more anxious when I'm around her because I'm afraid I'm going to break her neck. That is my biggest repetitive thought at this time is the neck breaking. I'm still able to act "normal" around her, but I have a tremendous amount of anxiety when I am. I've had a great deal of problems watching the news lately because I dwell on things other people do like murder or kidnap someone. I start doing the "what if I did that" thing in my mind and I get more anxious. I'm not a violent person, and I don't want to do any of these things but I can't seem to get them out of my head. I have hoped to myself that I might get in a car accident and break my arms so that I don't hurt anyone. I've always been an anxious person and a worrier, but I've NEVER thought about harming anyone up until this point. My grandpa also had OCD and killed himself, and my brother has it as well. Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Hi,
Sorry to hear this. Unfortunetly, I completely understand how you are feeling. This is a very very common type of disturbing thought. It is helps at all, many people suffer from various disturbing thoughts. They are usually religious, sexual, or involve violence. I use to have disturbing thoughts before I got on medicine. I thought I was losing my mind. It was about stuff that I would never, ever, ever, do and it made me sick and my anxiety went through the roof. It also gave me panic attacks. Try to read up on obsessive thoughts. There is a book called The Imp of the Mind. I have heard it is really good. It's a difficult situation because the more you fear the thoughts, the stronger they become. So this might sound backwards, but the best thing to do is just accept the thoughts...accept the fact that they are ONLY thoughts, not you and not desires. It's just OCD. Also, have you thought about therapy?
Also, you said this:
"I've had a great deal of problems watching the news lately because I dwell on things other people do like murder or kidnap someone. I start doing the "what if I did that" thing in my mind and I get more anxious. I'm not a violent person, and I don't want to do any of these things but I can't seem to get them out of my head."
This was exactly how I was! Every time I would see something on the news, I would worry "what if did that and don't remember or do that or starting obsessing about doing it" I was so afraid I was going to go crazy. You are not alone, or crazy. If you were crazy or evil, you would enjoy and welcome the thoughts of killing your wife.
Last edited by daisyheadmaisy; 02-06-2004 at 12:59 PM.
Thanks a lot for the response! I'm actually reading a book called "Brain Lock" that is about OCD. I haven't gotten very far, but it seems like a good book. I have an appointment to meet with a Pshychiatrist on the 1st of March. I saw one back in December in the emergency room because I was suicidal and I was so afraid I was going to hurt someone. As bad as I am now I'm so much better than I was then. That was when I had depression and OCD. Hopefully God, the therapy and medication will put me on the road to recovery! Have a great weekend!
There is so much that can be done now to help ease OCD symptoms. I also get the whole morbid thoughts thing and worry about hurting people. It used to focus maninly around the people closest to me, like my girlfriend and my mom. I did a lot of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and some Exposure and Response Prevention. It's tough stuff sometimes, but it works, trust me. I became basically symptom free for 2 years without any medicaiton. I also have Panic Disorder as well. Right now I am currently struggling a bit more, I had a relapse and am working with some of the same things to get back to where I was, I'm also considering trying an SSRI, I was prescribed Paxil CR 12.5mgs. Of course I'm aprehensive about taking it, actually I'm more concerned and side effects and the idea taking it makes me worry about "losing control" to some drug even though I know that isn't true. Also, considering my past success without medication I always question whether I need it. However it has been rough and I'm going to probably try it this weekend and attempt to use it as only 1 piece to the overall treatment, and maybe a bit of a boost to my therapy by reducing my overall anxiety and obsessions a bit, and possibly motivating me more. The rest of the overall treatment will focus on my CBT and ERP work, and exercising, eating right and trying to follow a positive routine on a daily basis. Basically I'll just take the medication but try to do the work myself instead of expecting too much from the medication. Well, back to you, I just wanted to let you know that the thoughts you have are very common OCD thoughts and doubts. They are obsessions. Recognizing them as obsessions and just thoughts that they are not what you really feel, and not what you really want to happen, and the obsessions don't increase the likelyhood of them happening or make them any more real helps. They're just thoughts and obsessions, that's it. If you think of it like that it might make it a bit easier and if you can look for a therapist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure and Response Prevention. If done right they are great for OCD and Panic. Many obsessions are very scary, actually most are, but they are just thoughts and there are things that can be done throught good therapy to help lessen your fear of them and have them bother you less. I speak from personal experience.
Did you ever feel like you would act on any of these thoughts? One of my biggest fears is that my thoughts will take over and I will act on one of them. That is why I'm scared to be around my wife too much because she might be in danger. I'm much less worried while I'm at work because I don't think about hurting anyone here. I have been dreading the weekends much more.......not because I don't enjoy being with my wife, but because I'm afraid to be around her. I tell her all the time too watch me and not let me hurt her. I would much rather have the obsession of hurting myself than hurting her. That is why I went to the emergency room a couple of months ago because I was afraid I would hurt someone. Thanks for the advice!
Linear Mode
