Hello, new to this board, new to ocd...please read me

[Millwall Jim]

Hi guys

Yep, i've got 'it'. started about 4 months ago - intrusive thoughts, washing machine thoughts round and round. then intursive thoughts tappered off and am left with am-i-evil-yes-i-am-no-i-am-not kind of thing.

am at my most pained when i decide that i do actually want to kill people, which causes the most horrendous, life destroying anxiety. i know it is only the ocd, but when i throw the towel into the obsession and agree with what the ocd is telling me - well, that is the worst. wihtout of course hurting anyone, its like i come to these fatalistic conclusions in my mind and do nothing other than hate myself and the world.

and what does not help is hearing about how bloody difficult it is supposed to be to treat! prognosis is not good, its a touch nut to crack blah blah. life is so hard. i am on 40mg of citalopram which is cut it by half but still i am left with just the most exhausting self doubt. anybody aware of this ocd 'state', free of intrusions but suffering a kind of gut wrenching identity crisis?

would love to hear you. come on' lets all help each other; we are in this **** together!

[Believer7]

I feel your pain with all you are going through. I have had what started as depression in December and has turned into homicidal thoughts. I do feel as though I'm finally getting better after a couple of months of being on Lexapro, but the thoughts aren't completely gone. Just hang in there and know the real you is not the one thinking these things. The thoughts will probably never go completely away, but you will be able to deal with them better.

[fm5]

Regarding the harming obsessions, I posted this previously about them:

There is a particular case in Edna Foa's book "Stop Obsessing" about a guy who had these thoughts regarding his daughter. Get the book and read it!

What Edna Foa suggests is to actually picture the outcome of your actions in your mind. An example would be:

I am now in the Courtroom. Everyone I know is staring at me horribly. My family thinks I am a dirtbag for doing this. I have alienated all of my family and friends forever. It is now in all of the newspapers and everyone knows about what I did. I will go to jail where I will be by all alone and where I will probably be abused. I will then go to hell where I will be tortured forever, etc.

Go into all the horrid details of what would happen to you - this is important. I only wrote a few sentences. You can write paragraphs! Write them down. Record it. AND GO OVER AND OVER IT AGAIN AND AGAIN. You will soon see how totally absurd these thoughts truly are and they will lose their sting on you.

You should probably spend about 2-3 hours a night for weeks doing this until the obsession fades away. If it comes back, start doing these exercises again.