red16

I really feel like I need to get this off my chest, I have a journal but I don't talk about my symptoms on there, I just need someone to hear me and I feel safe doing it here. And if anyone else wants they can use this thread to just rant about a bad situation with your symptoms or anything. okay, here we go.....

I don't want to sound like a stupid teeny bopper or anything but I really just can't help it. So, on sunday I went to try to get lotto tickets for the show, Wicked, we didn't win so me and my mom went to see The Boy From Oz. For most shows I see I go to the stagedoor. We went down to the stagedoor but not until after going to the bathroom, I knew we shouldn't have because then there's too big of a crowd to get through and my mom doens't hold things in so I didn't ask(I have missed things before because of her bladder lol) when we got down of course therewas a big crowd, I managed to get through so I could stick my arm out for an autograph (this was for hugh jackman by the way) but I really wanted a picture with him (my mom tried to snap a couple shots of him but that's really not what I wanted, we weren't close enough though for a picture). So, after we left I got upset and started crying, I actually managed to get through too my mom I was upset and mad
at her which I never do because I'm terrified of offending people. It's been bothering me ever since that I didn't get through and when something like this happens I try to find a way to make the person look bad, like oh there really not blah blah blah when high jackman is freakishly nice. I'm an extremely paranoud person. I got upset about everything in my life all at once and that particular thing triggered it. I just feel like a stupid selfish teeny bopper my mom has even offered to go back to the stagedoor one day and get a picture. ugh, I'm jsut frustrated and embaressed because I'll get upset iver things like thsi all the time and I feel so alone in it and stupid. I also get jelous easily, I got jelous durign this show because he sort of interacts with the audience, oh it's hard to explain I just feel so stupid. I have a tendancy to dig my nails into my skin and that night I digged them pretty hard and there's still a little mark so I'm afraid I'll associate the first time with digging my nails into my skin really bad with hugh jackman and I won't be able to think of him without bad memories, I did watch kate and leapold that night thoug hehe, but it was hard. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and I've gotten upset and can't stop thinking about it and I'm reminded it of it when I think of that showor that person or something and I make the littlest or perfect moments seem bad in my mind.. I just feel like an immature stupid teeny booperish tehater geek. If anyone managed to read this whole thing I hope someone understands. Also, I can't even get through a show or watch tv or a movie or anything withought my thoughts gettign i the way. I'm sitting there watching a musical but the whole time I have to keep my thoughts in check and do my little repeating thoughts thing that I do all day, like checking but in my head to try to counteract the bad thoughts and I freak out when Ihere certain words too. I'd did it a lot on sunday during the show. it was so frustrating. Okay I'm done.

Sometimes I just feel like complaining about a random symptom so I thought if people feel the need they can do it on this thread or just ***** about anything and not just ocd, when your just having hard day and something isn't going right also.

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"It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!"