Desperately in need of advice - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

why_did_you · 02-18-2004, 04:19 PM

Okay, I don't know how much I have posted on my problem but it all centres around this one person, due to thinks that have happened between herself and me when she hurt me last year and I had my trust betrayed. I get panic attacks when I see 'her', can't touch anything that relates to 'her', can't hear 'her' name, etc. And it only is getting worse.

I had a meeting with 'her' in December to try to sort this out (she's a teacher) but it didn't work.I felt the issues I really wanted to talk about were skirted over, my HOY just seemed to take over. But it's reached a really desperate stage. I would do anything in order to get something to happen- 'she', I beleive is the only one who has any hope of stopping this- my physcologist even agreed with me.

I really would do anything. I don't know if I mentioned it before but I took some pills and wrote her a goodbye note when I really couldn't take it anymore. This was about a month ago, but I went to hospital. The amount I took didn't damage me. But I thought I was going to die, and during those moments I just lost it. I wanted to say goodbye to 'her'.

She's the centre of my world. I see her everywhere. It's not a love thing at all. For one thing I'm not gay. But it's still a problem. I don't know. I think I need to go over issues again with her and take every detail of them and discuss it and both admit fault. I need that to move on I think. I have a physcologist and counseller, but I'm not getting any better despite it. I need this to happen to put me at peace. I need it over.

The thing is I'm scared of how far I would go. I know I'd do something like that again with the pills because I really don't care anymore. As far as I can see if I did die then it would be over anyway and if not then she'd know and be able to help. I can't see anyother way.

She will not do anything more. The meeting was it before. My HOY is firmly with her. I'm not allowed to even write her a note to explain. Thats it. (however the school can put her as my cover teacher- they did this and I was so ill in a panic attack I had to be sent home- and wont even give me warning or tell me not to go to that lesson). Moving schools isn't an option. It's still with me. I can't get away from it.

I really need some advice. I don't want to go to a physc ward. I can't tell my parents- they'd over react. I don't see a counseller untill tuesday. I just need 'her' to know. To stop this. And I don't care how.

I do though have the school holidays. I wont do anything yet because it wouldn't be able to involve her (how mad does that sound?)

Sorry to ramble on, I'm just desperate.

Any advice would be appreachiated. XxX

hangtenvetter · 02-18-2004, 07:52 PM

I do wish I had good advice for you.

I have been reading a book that is helping me. It is called "Feeling Good". The book may help you figure out the root causes of the trauma you suffer everytime "she" comes into your consciousness. And most importantly, get past it.

Ultimately, it will have to be you who finds a way to not let "her" get to you. Not to discredit the hurt she is causing you, but you can find a way to move on with your life with or without "her". Your worth as a person is in no way dependent on what "she" thinks or does. Your wellbeing should not be dependent on what "she" thinks or does.

Take care.

why_did_you · 02-19-2004, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hangtenvetter

I do wish I had good advice for you.

I have been reading a book that is helping me. It is called "Feeling Good". The book may help you figure out the root causes of the trauma you suffer everytime "she" comes into your consciousness. And most importantly, get past it.

Ultimately, it will have to be you who finds a way to not let "her" get to you. Not to discredit the hurt she is causing you, but you can find a way to move on with your life with or without "her". Your worth as a person is in no way dependent on what "she" thinks or does. Your wellbeing should not be dependent on what "she" thinks or does.

Take care.

I've read a few selfhelb books but none have really meant a lot to me. I do see a counseller and physcologist, it's just not doing anything. The end to all of this does, though, have to be with 'her'. It did start with 'her'. I wish I could find a way not to le 'her' get to me. I don't understand why she does because people do hurt other people- you just have to move on but for some reason I really can't. I can't go anywhere near 'her' without a panic attack. The longer it's left the worse it is getting.

If I did though tell my counseller the above, I'm scared of how she'd react. In some ways I want her to just to get me what I need, but I don't want to go to a physc ward. Is that possible?

Thanks for the reply. Take care too. XxX

hangtenvetter · 02-19-2004, 08:28 PM

I think that you can be open and honest with your doctor. I do not understand why you would be concerned about being "put in a psychiatric ward." It seems that you are in a post-traumatic state. I would hope that you could reach out with open arms to those who are most likely able to help you.

It sounds awful what you are going through. It is horrible that somebody can do something to hurt somebody so much.

Take care, and I hope you begin to move past 'her'.

why_did_you · 02-20-2004, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hangtenvetter

I think that you can be open and honest with your doctor. I do not understand why you would be concerned about being "put in a psychiatric ward." It seems that you are in a post-traumatic state. I would hope that you could reach out with open arms to those who are most likely able to help you.

It sounds awful what you are going through. It is horrible that somebody can do something to hurt somebody so much.

Take care, and I hope you begin to move past 'her'.

I'm scared because I would really do it. I might just have to go up their and beg, go without anything. I don't want to die. I just need her to know. And I mean it, I can't live without it. I can't talk to my doctor, I can't have my parents find out. They'd try to stop me. I only want 'her' to stop me.

How crazy does that sound? I just want 'her' to put an end to all of this, because it's too much.

Sorry to sound totally crazy. I just don't know. Talking to a doctor, I just couldn't do it, because she's the only one who can help me. I'm seeing a physcologist, and a counseller. I just want 'her' to help. Its probably wrong, but I do.

Please reply. XxX