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Old 04-15-2004, 04:51 PM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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memphislancer HB User
Unhappy help:i am not gay but these thoughts wont go away.................

for the past 9 or 10 weeks i have had serious dubts about my sexuality i don't want to but they are their.............i recently read calvs thread about gay denial vs ocd and can honestly say i only wanna be with women, i am a virgin who is 20 and i think this has a lot to say about this problem, you know i have had romantic physical contact with women and have enjoyed this vigorously, but why then do i have these thoughts when i don't want them, i need serious help here and don't know where to turn, you kow yesterday for the first time in weeks i had a clear head wasn't thinking about bein gay or nothing like that, then today all of a sudden it came back i just nned someones help in trying to understand these thoughts. can soeone out there shed some light on this topic need some help bad, to me it would seem that yesterday when the thoughts stopped and i had a moment of clarity that it was over, i am convinced i am straight but the thoughts are driving me crazy.

 
Old 04-15-2004, 07:02 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Washington State U.S.A.
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Elektrix HB User
Re: help:i am not gay but these thoughts wont go away.................

Oh ya, many people go through this man. There are a ton of threads on this site alone that deal with this ocd directly.

I too was a virgin at 20 years old. This ocd has tormented me for 2 years. As i write this it is tormenting me. I have read books and talked to many guys and a few women who have gone through the same stuff.

It all started for me on day driving down the freeway and when i pulled off the interstate i got behind this guy who i could see through his side mirror. just looking at his face and thought "this guy is good looking, bet he gets all the women". then like my life ended, my panic and anxiety went through the roof man. I just wanted to runaway.

I have spent countless nights just wanting to dissapear because I convinced myself that i was gay. I hated life and didnt want to think of my gay future. All my life i have wanted women, alot. Never ever questioned my sexuality all through high school or ever. I was just one of the guys who partied and drank beer. I got very isolated and didnt want to hang out with my friends because i hated myself.

When it comes to the gay ocd i have been through it and then some. I even was convinced that i was a women in a mans body and that is why i have been having these gay thoughts. this is a crazy ocd and it can be very tricky to deal with.

I can no longer just think of women and get turned on like i used to. It sucks. I love looking at a nice pair or a nice butt, but there seems to be this intense fear blocking my normal feelings twords women.

I have had some good days and some not so good days. I to consider myself to be straight. I just dont feel like I used to be. I just deal with it day by day and try not to get to crazy with it all because what else or ya going to do?

I went 20 years of my happy life without a gay thought, then boom! Ocd struck and now i think i am gay. Its all crazy man. Hang in there you can get through this because i am. Its not easy but what other choice you got?

check with alex86, nokia6, crazzygrl, grl3900, and cavl to chat with.

there is not magic pill or answer that is going to make this go away as fast as it came, i know that sucks.

Challenge yourself to beat this, challenge the fear of the ocd and conquer it.
Ask that cute girl out in spite of your ocd, that is because you are straight and despite what your ocd is telling you dont listen to it.

ill be in touch -elektrix

 
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Old 04-16-2004, 01:12 AM   #3
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
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Calv1502004 HB User
Re: help:i am not gay but these thoughts wont go away.................

Hey, you sound like your having a really rough time of it, this OCD really is horrific! The answer to your question is actually really simple but its one of those things with OCD that you just cannot see! I went through this and no matter what happened I wouldn't accept that 'if you think its OCD and it causes you anxiety... then it IS OCD' Putting it more simply than this, if you don't want the thoughts, then you don't want to be gay! Be prepared OCD can really mess with your mind, it can tell you that you REALLY do want these thoughts and thats why your thinkin about them! That simply isn't true. If you would rather be attracted to girls.. which you obviously would then you are not gay! Gay people do not fight being gay (regardless of what you might read on the net) I recently spoke to a gay guy and he told me that he never wanted to fight being gay because it felt so right to him! That is very different to what you and everybody else are thinkin! Are you in therapy or on medication? Medication has really worked wonders for me and im hoping to start therapy soon! Any questions, keep posting, there are people checking these boards all the time! I check them at least twice a day and I (and im sure everyone else aswell) will help you out with any of your questions! And just incase i didn't make it clear enough, YOU ARE NOT GAY! All the best

Calv

 
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