this is so hard to explain, but its taking over!! - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

brainchild · 05-10-2004, 03:53 PM

Hiya!
Sorry this is soo long!

I have posted on here b4 about the same thing and i got some replies which reassured me but now my problem is worse again!!
have this totally ridiculous ( i hope?!?!) fear of being stabbed with a hiv infected needle! i used to worry about it a bit but now it is all the time!! if i used to g out with strappy shoes on n i got my foot cut, i would instantly think it was a needle, not broken glass.
i dont know if anyone else gets these, like every now and again i will get a short sharp twinge of pain anywhere in my body. it doesnt hurt too much at all, n i used to think nothing o it but now i will be worrying, wot if i was a needle? i especially think this if there peole around, for example shopping or even worse, in a nightclub! i will spend the rest of the nite worrying that some1s stabbed me!! or if a needle hs been plnted somewhere in the furniture or on the floor or where ever!! i went out last tuesday nite and we ended up going to his club 2 meet my uni friends. when we wlked in it was soo crowded i started to panick thinking ohh no im going to have to get close to ppl, they could do anything! but i tried to enjoy it, needless to say every slight thing i felt against myself i was thinking if it was a needle!! (this must sound ridiculous) i usually check myself in places where i think i my have been stabbed, but sometimes, i feel it on the skin on my head, and then i cant see cos my hair is in the way. so the next day after i had been out i as panicking thinking, i mite have been stabbed in my head n i wont know it, n i have kinda fixated on this one thing. now i am worrying cos i didnt check my legs n arms n back n stuff 4 wounds. but i am mostly worried about my head cos i wouldnt b abl to see anything there. n im thinking wot if i didnt notice some1 stabbing me cos i hd drunk n so it wud hurt less. this is y i hate crowded spaces!! i keep convincing myself that i am going to get hiv from some1 stabbing me, in fact i seem to think i have been stabbedmay times, like ppl r out to get me or something. kinda arrogant in a way isnt it? now i dont like touching the back of my head much in case its "infected" it sounds so stupid i wanna laugh but i feel like crying too!! its so crap!! i jst finished my degree and i wanna be relaxing!! it doesnt help that i have developed a really sore throat and a head cold. its just "convincing" me more im right to be worried!!
im really sorry again bout the length of the post, its just really hard to explain! anyone who wnts to know any reason into me i will be very grateful!! unless this type of thing really does happen, then i'll stay on the lookout!! thanx!!
Laur

brainchild · 05-10-2004, 05:31 PM

Hey! thax 4 ur reply!!

Yeah, i know that if i didnt have this "thing" i wouldnt even give it a second thought, as my friends dont!! i seem to think they r fine,even tho they were in the same place as me!! like as if pl know my fear n r specifically out 4 me or something!! i dont concsiously think that but its kind of my way of thinking.
this stems from when i was about 16-17 a lot of people were telling stories about people stabbing people with needles in nightclubs etc and them becoming infected so im thinking well if t happens maybe it happens all the time but ppl dont realise it!! and a year and a half ago i went to a uni party in this club and when i got out i noticed my foot was bleeding. when i washed the blood away there were 2 tiny dots which i was convinced were from a needle, despite the fact that i was standing near smashed glass. it didnt look like a glass cut tho cos it was two tiny little dots. this event also still worries me a lot from time to time, as do events from say 4 years ago, i am still convinced i ud of caught something off broken glass then!! see, i was quite worried about it then but now, its everytime i go out of the house!! i try to avoid contact with people and objects, incase they have a needle!!
i think it wud make it better if i knew that if someone is stabbed by a needle they would KNOW about it cos then at least id b able to see that im not bleeding etc and therefore havent been stabbed. its the maybe, i dont know factor that sends me off worrying!!
im sure ppl will read this thread and think oh shes being totally irrational and ridiculous, as if that happens, and it makes sense to them, like i read othr ppls about their problems n i think oh they r worrying 4 nothing! but when its ur own problem it seems so serious and so worrying!!
my bf thinks its funny and im being stupid but he doesnt realie wot goes on in my head!!
anyway, im rambling on again!! sorry 4 the looooong reply!! and thanx 4 ur help!!

laur

brainchild · 05-10-2004, 05:53 PM

btw i read ur post and i totally understand what u mean!! i associate certain clothes with certain things, for instance if i was wearing something when i have had a possible needle situation. but i have found that wearing themmaks u forget that. but sometimes i have worn things and no felt "clean". for instance, because i was worried about a needle being poked into my head last week :-s all my hair towels have become "contaminated" after a use!! its not germs or anything!! its as if wearing that item of clothing or whatever makes the event that ur worrying about more "real" or something!! but i wont throw my clothes away!! i feel sorry 4 things when i dont use them!! oh dear!! my head is totally messed up at the moment!!

im sure this must all stem back to when i was very young, about 4, my friends used to tell me all sorts of horrible things cos i was gullible and fell for it!! they used to tell me things like i had leukemia and was going to die and they wud gve me a drink and after i drunk it told me it was poison and that i wud die after an hour!! nice friends hmm!!

brainchild · 05-13-2004, 06:07 AM

I have just been to see the nurse at the walk in centre cos i have a really sore throat n thought it was tonsillitis, but she said it wasnt, she said it was a viral infection and now i am worried!! my sore throat developed 4-5 days after this nite out and ow i am worried it is cos my immune system mite b down cos i am fighting off other infection!! arrghhhh!! do u think its likely that i cud of been stabbed with an infected needle?! or do u think i have totally lost my mind?

hayley0610 · 05-13-2004, 08:30 AM

i have kind of the same thing but now mine is being out and someone has put something in my drink. when im at a bar if i think i may have keft my drink for 1 sec i wont drink it now its getting bad because im thinking someone may have put something in the ice its being made with!! thats just silly but i wont drink it i figure id rather have my health and waste 4$!!! this of course happened because of a bad experience, my hubby got something put in his drink one night and was vey high!! i feel that although these things we fear are very unlickely to happen, they can still happebn right!?!?!?!i mean thses things happen everyday and they have to happen to someone so wouldnt i think i could be the next someone!!