Relationships??? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Megan H · 05-12-2004, 06:12 AM

I just broke up with my boyfriend after 4 years together. I have this thing about having to resolve everything before going to bed, and I kept pushing and pushing until we got to a breaking point. My main OCD symptom is worrying about my health constantly, and it's been driving him crazy. I also have been having panic attacks. I have no energy left from worrying all the time, and I never want to go anywhere, so I know I've been so fun to be around lately. But. . .why is it so hard to make people understand what you're going through. He thinks that this is my fault. That I can somehow just turn off the negative thoughts and be happy again. He says that I am no longer the girl he fell in love with, because she was full of energy and life, and I just lay on the couch all the time. I tried to tell him what I am going through, but he said that he just could not deal with it right now. I think he is suffering from depression, but has never been diagnosed or tried to deal with it. He said he just couldn't deal with my problems on top of his own. Then he comes over to get some of his stuff the other night and tells me that he thought about buying a ring and surprising me with a proposal. BUT HE DID NOT. So now I can't relax because everytime I hear a vehicle pull into the parking lot I jump up and go to the window to see if it's him. My anxiety is through the roof and I just can't relax. I'm so forgetful, I think because my mind is so occupied with a stream of thoughts that nothing else can get in or out. I'm afraid that I'm going to forget who I am and just be lost. I say my own name to myself just to make sure I remember it. Sounds crazy, huh. He was my best friend and my rock and without him I feel so alone. I have family and good friends who care about me, but there in other towns. (I'm probably going to have to sell my car to pay my phone bill this month!!) Sorry for the long rant. But does anyone have any advice? How do your partners handle this? Do they understand why you just have to do some things, senseless as they seem? Thanks

FroBoyPeaceGuy · 05-13-2004, 02:53 AM

My gf has OCD, I don't. I have learned thru the almost 9 months of us being together when she is on the brink of an episode. I have learned that making sure she is reassured that my love is for her no matter if she has the OCD or not. I fell in love with her, and I have learned that the OCD is part of her, and though some days maybe difficult to deal w/ to her, she can thru time take notice that I am not going anywhere, expecially cause of the OCD. It may scare some folks off, but not me. I feel God has had her and I meet, become friends, start a relationship, and further down the line have a happy long life together.

I have learned that the key to learning bout this disorder is to try to put myself in the shoes of the person w/ the OCD, and try to see what they are seeing. The outside world (people w/o OCD) do not understand what a person who has OCD has going on n their head at any single point in time. My girlfriend and I had a heated disagreement lil while back cause I had my opinions bout how to solve the OCD thing, basicly I was putting my foot in my mouth deeper w/ some of the stuff I said. Now a days, I listen to what my gf has to say, cause it is very important to know what she is thinking, cause her words could hold the key to maintaining, maybe even taking control of that part of the OCD.

Sorry bout my novel, sometimes I type like I talk.

Megan H · 05-13-2004, 10:49 AM

thanks for the reply. I think my bf just thought that I was using this as an excuse to not live life. But I have a constant stream of thoughts, all negative running through my head all the time, and I just can't turn them off. My head hurts and I feel horrible. Why can't I just be happy, like I used to be? Now, if I'm not thinking about dying of some horrible disease, I 'm thinking about how alone I am, and how in the world I am going to handle it. I wish there was a switch that I could just flip and have one moment of peace. Just a minute to calm down and just breathe. But if I try to relax I get to a point where I start to think: Can I still move? What if I can't and I'm stuck like this forever. Am I going to pass out? And then I have to jerk myself back out of it. I can not relax. If I'm lying on the couch I obsess over things that i need to be doing. But if Im in the middle of doing something and see something else, I'll stop that and go that, and on and on and on.
He came to see me last night and I just about lost it. I ended up begging him to stay so I wouldn't have to be alone. He slept on the couch, and I was still awake all night hearing every noise and bump in the night, my heart pounding and just worrying. . . .always worrying.