All my life I've been plagued by it but wasn't diagnosed with it until I was in 8th grad which i'm going into 12th so it was 4 years ago. There was an event that happened, and I went to look at it on aol news, and they had links to something similar to it. I checked that out and found out a lot of stuff and it was bugging me badly. I couldn't stop, all I could remember was the victims and killers names, I still do that to this day. Another thing, My OCD gives me depression and Anxiety, or my Anxiety causes ocd and depression, something like that, anyway I've played sports all my life, but The OCD made me scared to even do that, it was a mental thing, I was always thinking gosh we have 3 hours of practice like this everyday, and I would worry about how much we were going to run or if we were and it would ruin the fun in it. I'm afaid to get a job at a body shop because i'm afraid of failure, I afraid to join the armed forces because I might not make it through basic training and be an embarrassment to my family, or that I might make it and I'm afraid I'll want to quit but I can't so i'm scared. I can't enjoy life i'm always worrying even with medicine, I'll have fun for a little bit but then I start to think about when I have to go back to work, or I have to go home soon or school starts soon, then I'm worryin about what i'm going to do in life and it keeps me up all night. sorry to make this so long I just have so many questions, and I'm afraid I'll never get over my OCD. I stay up all night then I don't know I get depressed like right now, I mean my brother came home from college for summer and he's probably not going to be home this long again and it's just upsetting, not to mention I have to choose a college soon. I'm confused and lost.
I can identify with you alot. At one point my anxiety/depression was so bad, i thought i was go to die. I was totally convinced that I had some strange sickness that the doctors couldnt find. I was scared of everything... always thought that something terrible was going to happen. Likewise I kept feeling that I was always doing things wrong. I'm getting alot better now, but it was a very slow crawl in getter better over several years.
The first thing I would recommend is to not put pressure on yourself. Don't think "I must fix this and improve my life or else everything will get worse". of course your goal IS to get better, but don't pressure yourself or try to control things.
This sounds very normal. You have alot of decisions to make and you are trying to figure where your life is headed. I am getting ready to graduate from college nd believe me-I know how you feel. Just try to sort through everything one issue at a time-and maybe it wont be so overwhelming. I am seeing a psychologist right now for anxiety and he said that life was trying to ask me some questions and to listen to those questions. You dont necessarily have to respond to them right now. Are you on medication? This may help a litle until you can get through this stage in your life and it may help to take the "edge off" so you can focus on what is really going on in your life right now. You are not a failure-but the important hing is that you try whatever it is that you want to do, and if it not for you and you dont enjoy it, that is ok. You can say to yourself-I am not a failure because I tried this and Ive decided its is not for me. It sounds like to me that you may need to work on trusting yourself and having faith in yourself a little more.