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Old 07-23-2004, 05:23 AM   #1
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SteveV330 HB User
Unhappy Computer addicted

Before you laugh at me please try to understand my problem.

Im 14 years old and i spend every hour of every day on the computer basicly. I really want to spend my time doing other things but when i try i always seem to come back on the computer. I get so depressed about it. I haven't got any offline friends atall. I'm a nice person but to be honest i hate almost everyone in my school. I want to be able to go to the park and play football but my school is a really geeky school and no one plays football. They would all rather stay at home and watch the news, its really annoying. I don't know what to do about it.

If you think about it..when you have no friends what is there to do? play games? watch films or tv? listen to music? you can do all of these things on the computer..you can even shop on the computer. Thats why i end up spending all my time on here.

I don't know what to do i'm getting really upset about it. I'm too shy to go out and make friends n arghhhhhh its driving me mad! please what can i do?

 
Old 07-23-2004, 08:46 AM   #2
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sammi HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Hi Steve, have you tried discussing this issue with your parents? It broke my heart to read your story. I am a parent of three children one being 11 years old and I limit his time on the computer or even playing video games. We just moved into a new house and I went to several houses with all of my children and knocked on the door to introduce ourselves and find out if there or anyother children around the same ages for my kids to play with. I am VERY involved in what my 11 year old is doing and who he is hanging around.

Don't be intimidated to pick up the phone and call someone or even go and knock on someone's door you know to see if they would like to come over to your house and hang out where you guy's could go bike riding or play football. Maybe you should just go to the park and you may find some kids there that are already hanging out and just introduce yourself and start up a conversation about where they go to school and I'm sure the rest will fall into place after that.

Good luck,
Sammi

 
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Old 07-23-2004, 09:35 AM   #3
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Musical_Muse HB User
Re: Computer addicted

There must be at least one or two people at your school who would be interested in playing some football, etc. Are there opportunities to start up non-academic clubs at your school? If there are, I might suggest trying to start a club whose focus is playing sports.

Colleen

 
Old 07-23-2004, 11:30 AM   #4
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SteveV330 HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Thanks for your comments. It's nice to see people trying to help.

I would ring people and go round peoples houses to see if they wanted to do something. But they are all so boring. Seriously, all they do is watch the news, read newspapers, learn music, learn foreign languages etc. They never do ANYTHING fun (well - not what i would consider "fun" anyway). I honestly don't want anything to do with the people in my school. Every one of them is either boring, annoying, selfish or just weird. Believe me, i'm a really nice person. I wouldn't ever hurt anyone and i always put others before myself. But to be honest the people in my class don't deserve to be put before me.

There are a few people that play sports, but they don't know me atall and they're too loud for me if you know what i mean. It's hard to explain. I only have about 5 phone numbers of the people in my class and i'd rather be on my own than be with them.

I know i sound picky about my friends, but you either like someone or you don't..the thing is i don't like them.

I find it hard to talk to my dad about this kinda thing (my mums dead). I wish i could talk to him but its hard to know what to say to him.

By the way sammi, you are doing a good job with your 11 year old son. You wouldn't want him to turn out like i have.

Any more help would be appreciated.

Thanks again.

 
Old 07-23-2004, 12:56 PM   #5
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sammi HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Hi Steve, you sound like a very bright young man. Your dad must be very proud of you and I'm sure your mom is looking down smiling. My mother also died when I was only 14 so I know what you mean when you say you don't feel comfortable talking to your dad. My dad never remarried and luckily I had lots of aunts, uncles, grandparents and even neighbors to help look out for myself and three other siblings.

I'm not sure what your religion is, but is there a youth group set up at your church? You could even try a different church that may have a youth group. I will be honest with you and say that my 11 year old is also VERY shy but being that I am outgoing and always speaking with other parents at his school and becoming friends with those parents he has quite a few friends. He has been gone to his grandparents house for the last three weeks and two of his best friends have come over a couple of times just to hang out. All of his friends say I'm the coolest mom not that I'm tooting my own horn but I do tend to get on their level and listen to what they have to say if they're not having a good day. I've even taken he and his friends to an empty parking lot to let them drive my car (SUV).

Please don't be too hard on yourself just because you haven't "clicked" with a group of people. I read what you wrote about me not wanting my child to turn out like yourself and that almost made me cry. I truly believe your parents are very lucky to have you. We just need to come up with a way to get you out there and meet people that you will click with. And again, think about going to a church even if it's not your religion of choice and see if they don't have a youth group.

I would also suggest thinking about a way to discuss this with your dad. You may be surprised and he may be able to help. If you don't feel comfortable talking verbally to your dad, write him a letter. When my son wants to know something about the "birds and the bees" he writes a note to me.

Do you have relatives that live close by that may be able to help introduce you to some kids your age with the same interest? I hope I have been able to help you and please let me know how things are going for you. You're a bright kid!!!!

Sammi

 
Old 07-23-2004, 01:34 PM   #6
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SteveV330 HB User
Re: Computer addicted

You sound like a very cool mum. I haven't got any relatives really, theres been a lot of funerals in the family recently. I have a cousin and uncle + aunt, but my cousin lives a long way away and my uncle and aunt are moving about 250 miles away soon too. I've had ups and downs of depression for the last year and a half, i've seriously considered suicide many times. But i kept thinking to myself "things can only get better" and i still believe that they will, in time.

I think once i'm old enough to drive my life will change completely. I'll be able to go anywhere i want, any time i want, and it'll give me much more things to do than just sit here all day.

Thanks for calling me smart! Thats one of the few things i like about myself. Hopefully when i'm older i'll get a good job and get lots of money.

Tonight i'm going to play a game with my dad that will hopefully cheer me up a bit. I'll keep you updated on any progress i make.

Thanks sammi you're great!

 
Old 07-23-2004, 01:59 PM   #7
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Anti Social HB UserAnti Social HB UserAnti Social HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveV330
Before you laugh at me please try to understand my problem.

Im 14 years old and i spend every hour of every day on the computer basicly. I really want to spend my time doing other things but when i try i always seem to come back on the computer. I get so depressed about it. I haven't got any offline friends atall. I'm a nice person but to be honest i hate almost everyone in my school. I want to be able to go to the park and play football but my school is a really geeky school and no one plays football. They would all rather stay at home and watch the news, its really annoying. I don't know what to do about it.

If you think about it..when you have no friends what is there to do? play games? watch films or tv? listen to music? you can do all of these things on the computer..you can even shop on the computer. Thats why i end up spending all my time on here.

I don't know what to do i'm getting really upset about it. I'm too shy to go out and make friends n arghhhhhh its driving me mad! please what can i do?
Hello..I can relate to your situation.I have always been housebound,hated the ppl in school,hated everyone basically,I have always been a loner,I have social anxiety disorder/social phobia..Im still kind of house bound-except on the weekends when I go to my BF's house.I have never worked in my life,and I am 22 yrs old..Ive been on paxil & other anti anxiety Meds,the paxil has helped alot w/ certain issues..My point is that you should look into professional help b/c down the road your problem wont fade,it will only get worse,the more & more youre a loner/housebound it stays w/ you..Trust me,I have been this way all my life & the only relief I have found is thru Medication..Being 14 yrs old I am not sure if youre ready or even want to try Medication..But please get some professional help..

 
Old 07-23-2004, 02:07 PM   #8
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SteveV330 HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Anti Social, i'm glad to know im not the only one in this situation. Medication sounds a bit drastic. If this doesn't sort itself out soon i will probably end up going for professional help like you said. I'll give myself some time to sort myself out first though.

Thanks for the advice everyone!

 
Old 07-23-2004, 03:58 PM   #9
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sammi HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Have you tried talking to your school counselor? Your suicide thoughts have me worried. NOTHING is worth taking your life. I may be wrong, but it doesn't sound like you are having anxiety attacks because you're going to be around people, I think you want to be around more people.

Just try to get out at LEAST once a day even if it's to walk around the block. I know when I get to feeling down I will walk around the block or even read a book at the park and I always feel "refreshed" by the time I get home.

Please know there are people out there that care and love you and remember suicide is not the answer!!!!

Best wishes,
Sammi

 
Old 07-23-2004, 07:14 PM   #10
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Anti Social HB UserAnti Social HB UserAnti Social HB User
Red face Re: Computer addicted

Quote:
Originally Posted by SteveV330
Anti Social, i'm glad to know im not the only one in this situation. Medication sounds a bit drastic. If this doesn't sort itself out soon i will probably end up going for professional help like you said. I'll give myself some time to sort myself out first though.

Thanks for the advice everyone!
Trust me,you arent the only one who is suffering from this.I re-read my post & realize that I came off as If I am advocating taking Meds.Youre only 14 & I would agree that Meds are drastic for you right now.My advice tho is that you should seek help before the problem gets worse.But I am sure youll do whats right for you..

 
Old 07-24-2004, 03:02 AM   #11
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SteveV330 HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Sammi i read what you said about going out once a day and feeling refreshed and i think thats a great idea. A good nights sleep usually refreshes me, like it has this morninng. Weekends are a good time for me because my dad and sister are here to keep me company. Its the holidays at the moment, (in england, i think you live in america right?) and my dad's at work all day from monday to friday and my sister is usually out. This leaves me feeling very lonely and everything seems too quiet, its not a nice feeling.

Thanks again for your support. I wish you lived closer so i could talk properly with you. I need a hug

Last edited by SteveV330; 07-24-2004 at 03:02 AM.

 
Old 07-24-2004, 07:33 AM   #12
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ScaredKitty HB User
Re: Computer addicted

I was, and am still very much like you. I NEVER went out when I was 14, I always found something wrong with everyone, and much preferred to be able to hit a "block" button when Id had enough of my friends, than make up excuses about why I couldn't hang out. I also hated everyone from my school - it was a very trendy school, and full of the "popular" type people, and Im a bit of an odd ball, I dont like to follow the crowd too much, and I dont like to be centre of attention, or dress like everyone else, or hang out in large obnoxious groups, so I never got on well with many people at school. My mother also died when I was 14(suicide). That didn't help much either, I became even more secluded. I got a counsellor, and that helped a lot, Ive been on meds since I was 7, but they didn't do much for my social skills, or lack of, and no will to get any. I finally had to force myself. I was tired of being inside all day and not having interactions with real people, and not having someone around. It gets lonely being alone all the time. So I got a small part time job, not for the money, but just to be around people. It got me out of the house doing something productive, with people who I didnt know from school. I actually made a lot of friends. This could be an option for you, if you can find a part-time job, even to work once or twice a week. It'll get you out and off the computer. The internet can be really addicting. I now spend from the minute i wake up until I go to bed on the internet. This though is because I had to quit my job, and my boyfriend who lives far away and I see rarely is home all day too...we talk on the net all day. I will go out if something comes up, like a friend calls me. But I get lost without my computer for more than a few hours.

Are their any recreational football leagues outside of your school, just in the city that you could join? You'd obviously meet people with the same interests, and probably make a bunch of friends. At the very least, it'd get you out of the house atleast once a week, and you'd be out doing something you like to do with other people.

I know its hard, but you really do need to force yourself to get out to try to meet new people somehow. Getting a job at some quiet little place where theres only a few people who work there, and minimal customer interaction since youre shy. After not too long, you'll have new friends, trust me. Or find a football league, or any sports clubs or other interests you might have.

You really do need to do it. It sounds hard, and painful to tear yourself off the computer when its all you ever do, and try to go out and do something new. And at first, it really does suck. You go to work (or wherever else) and sit there all shy and quiet thinking "why am I here? I could be at home talking on the internet and playing games. Instead Im here not talking to anyone, and not doing anything I enjoy" but after a week or two, you find yourself sitting at home thinking about work, and that you have to tell so and so from work what happened the other day. Then you find yourself asking for more shifts, and hanging out with people from work on a regular basis.

As for now, until you're able to do that, try really hard to set a limit for yourself for the computer, so that once you get started on other things like a job, club, etc...you wont be so distraught about having to leave your computer, because it wont be your entire life anymore. I know theres probably not much to do, but if you limit yourself on the computer, and then find yourself getting bored of things that aren't the computer you'll have more of a drive to get out and do something. Trust me, you just have to force it, and its not so bad.

 
Old 07-24-2004, 08:18 AM   #13
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SteveV330 HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Thanks ScaredKitty.

I am going to do as much of the advice i'm being given as possible. I'm going to try to spend no more than 12 hours on the computer per day and gradually make it 11 hours then 10 etc. (I usually spend about 13 or 14 hours per day on here).

Thanks for your adivce to get a job. When i'm old enough to work (i think 16 years old is when you can start) i'll get a part time job for the weekends or something.

I had no idea there were other people like me. I thought no one else had the same problems as me, but i guess there must be thousands of people with my problems

This morning i was playing football (soccer) with myself, which only lasted about 15 minutes but its better than nothing.

 
Old 07-24-2004, 08:56 AM   #14
 
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Calv1502004 HB User
Re: Computer addicted

You can get a job before 16 when your in the UK but there are rules on it, like you can't work before or after 7am and 7pm, and you can work no more than 2 hours on a sunday and I think its no more than 8 hours a week or something like that! Ask at your school, they should be able to tell you what the rules are or a local job centre. Otherwise, you could get a paper round, I know its not a great job but it might get you out the house for a while each day! I don't really know how it feels to be as you are cause ive never suffered with what you describe but I can imagine it must be a nightmare, keep strong!

Calv

 
Old 07-24-2004, 02:53 PM   #15
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sammi HB User
Re: Computer addicted

Hi Steve, so how is your weekend going so far? The weather here in Texas sure is hot. How is the weather in your part of the U.K.? Don't forget to try to take at least one walk a day around the block or like I said earlier bring a book to the park and read a bit in the sun. I hope to go on vacation real soon and the first place I would love to go is England and then NYC.

I have been thinking about how we can get you out there to meet other kids with similar interest and I thought you may want to try joining a gym. Working out not only makes you feel great but you might also meet other's with similar interest. It really does break my heart that you feel so lonely. However I was glad to read that you do have good weekends since your dad is home. I really think you should write him a letter and tell him how you are feeling. I bet you he would be heart broken if he knew you were having suicide thoughts. How old is your sister? Does she have friends that may have siblings that share the same interest as yourself?

Again, try to get out of the house as much as possible especially when the weather is pretty outside. All I can say is if I lived closer I would get you out there and help you find kids that you can enjoy playing with.

Hang in there and know I am always around if you need to talk.

Sammi

 
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