I'm insane..help - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

jessica129 · 07-29-2004, 11:21 AM

I read about germ obsessions, gay obessions and other typical things related to ocd but i never read about obsessions with other people. It's a long story, but i'm obsessed with this man i used to work with and I can't seem to stop. Admittedly so, I like him but this is full fledged obsession. I would even consider it a minor form of stalking. I get so mad at myself for giving in to these behaviours and i'm so ashamed of myself for doing it. I don't think i'm capable of a normal relationship because i have to take everything to the extreme. I think i'm delusional. How do you seperate an innocent crush from stalking? It's not just him...this has happens with the majority of crushes i have. I take it too far by needlessly researching them and obsessing. I would never be a danger to any of them but why can't i be a normal human being and move on? I realize that what i'm doing is sick and demented and i'm convinced i'm a stalker but i can't stop looking for information about him or driving past his work. If someone was doing this to me, i'd be very freaked out and i'd probobly call the cops. If i know it's so bad, why do i do it? I think i should be locked in jail. Who's going to want to be with me when i act so impulsive and strange?

bm28 · 07-30-2004, 12:07 PM

Hi Jessica! I saw your posting yesterday and I really wanted to respond but I didn't quite know what to say. Today,after seeing that lots of people have viewed your post and no one replied I thought I would say something to you. The thing is, most of us here have OCD and I really don't think that yours is quite the same thing. I definitely agree that you have something wrong but I don't know if it's OCD. Please let me know if you have any questions. Good Luck! Beth

why_did_you · 08-01-2004, 03:36 PM

Hunni you certainly don't need to be locked in jail. As this is affecting your life like it is I'd definately advise you see a doctor. OCD doesn't always mean you have to have both obsessions and compulsions. You definately have an obsession. Whether it can be diagnosed as OCD or not is beside the point; it's a problem and it IS like OCD. The compulsions in this case to me seems to be the 'stalking' behaviour.

Many people because obsessed with people from what I can gather. It's almost like those who are obsessed with stars. It does seem to be a form of OCD- more people suffer from it than realise. However many just have one or a few strong obsessions rather than the many different ones and compulsions that you hear about.

I would though advise you see your doctor. You can beat this. It's not your fault; you seem desperate to change and you can do so. Maybe you would be referred to a therapist who can help you to overcome this obsession?

You're not alone either. I've been in your situation although in entirely different circumstances, and it's not pleasent. It's scary. I really hope you can work through this and I wish you all the best. xxx

** I have just reread your post and I missed that you do this with other crushes too. In this case it definately does sound like a type of OCD and I would definately recomend speaking to your doctor and asking to be referred to a specialist who can assess you and find an appropriate way of helping you to manage this. xxx

StitchCarver · 08-02-2004, 08:48 PM

I saw the subeject, "I'm insane...help" I had to laugh. I'm always calling myself insane, probably to break the tension when I actually feel like I'm losing it. Anyways, let me ask you some questions. Sometimes, it helps to really spell things out.

Here's what I get from reading your post. You're worried about some of your behavior, you think it might mean you're being a stalker. You may also be worried about how you deal with relationships, which is rational, but your worry about being a stalker may be a little irrational.

You get mad at yourself, and you're ashamed of yourself for what you think is being a "stalker." Already, you're kicking your own *** so to speak, you're beating yourself up.

According to your post, You take everything to the extreme. It seems like this includes how you treat yourself. Thinking you're a stalker, being mad at yourself, ashamed, could be you taking things to the extreme.

You think you're delusional. Why? That would mean that you believe something that is entirely false. What makes you choose those words?

"How do you seperate an innocent crush from stalking?" Those are two total extremes. there are miles of seperation between them. It's interesting how you percieved that in such an extreme.

You're looking up information about someone, does this mean internet, asking friends? You drive by that persons work. With the girl I'm with now, we met, and exchanged emails, we both had AOL where you could see if they were on. For the first few weeks, I would check every five minutes if she was online, when she read my mail, when she mailed me back. ANyways, I don't want to sit here and just give you reassurance, but I really don't think there's anything wrong with driving by someone's work. It's hard to say.

As far as the rest of your post, you're bascially beating the crap out of yourself. "I should be in jail, I'm a stalker, I'm sick"

You're really hard on yourself, and a lot of OCD people are. Our consciouses beat us up for things that we don't do. We percieve things in extremes. YOu may very well have problems with relationships, you may "research" to feel close to someone, but at a safe distance. that's a whole other ball of wax.

Let me ask you this. This person you have a crush on. Do you think you're together with him? Do you think you're entitled to him, he is yours. Do you think you have a relationship? A real stalker is delusional and would answer yes to all of those things.

I'm no expert, just a veteran of mind funk. But sometimes it helps to slow it down, and spell things out. Hang in there.