Re: I'm insane..help
I saw the subeject, "I'm insane...help" I had to laugh. I'm always calling myself insane, probably to break the tension when I actually feel like I'm losing it. Anyways, let me ask you some questions. Sometimes, it helps to really spell things out.
Here's what I get from reading your post. You're worried about some of your behavior, you think it might mean you're being a stalker. You may also be worried about how you deal with relationships, which is rational, but your worry about being a stalker may be a little irrational.
You get mad at yourself, and you're ashamed of yourself for what you think is being a "stalker." Already, you're kicking your own *** so to speak, you're beating yourself up.
According to your post, You take everything to the extreme. It seems like this includes how you treat yourself. Thinking you're a stalker, being mad at yourself, ashamed, could be you taking things to the extreme.
You think you're delusional. Why? That would mean that you believe something that is entirely false. What makes you choose those words?
"How do you seperate an innocent crush from stalking?" Those are two total extremes. there are miles of seperation between them. It's interesting how you percieved that in such an extreme.
You're looking up information about someone, does this mean internet, asking friends? You drive by that persons work. With the girl I'm with now, we met, and exchanged emails, we both had AOL where you could see if they were on. For the first few weeks, I would check every five minutes if she was online, when she read my mail, when she mailed me back. ANyways, I don't want to sit here and just give you reassurance, but I really don't think there's anything wrong with driving by someone's work. It's hard to say.
As far as the rest of your post, you're bascially beating the crap out of yourself. "I should be in jail, I'm a stalker, I'm sick"
You're really hard on yourself, and a lot of OCD people are. Our consciouses beat us up for things that we don't do. We percieve things in extremes. YOu may very well have problems with relationships, you may "research" to feel close to someone, but at a safe distance. that's a whole other ball of wax.
Let me ask you this. This person you have a crush on. Do you think you're together with him? Do you think you're entitled to him, he is yours. Do you think you have a relationship? A real stalker is delusional and would answer yes to all of those things.
I'm no expert, just a veteran of mind funk. But sometimes it helps to slow it down, and spell things out. Hang in there.