ontheway

Hi, thanks for responding to me, I just re read what I posted when i said i ended up in the hospital i didnt mean that I think what I meant was last time it was like this i ended up in the hospital..i was put in the hospital in 2002.
at moments i feel ok but i'm suffering from these bad OCD thoughts one that is really getting to me is that I will hurt my boyfriend by cheating or thinking of others and i feel like i am thinkinf of others when I don't want too but it makes me feel like i do im just troubled I love my boyfriend and he didnt know about OCD until me and we have been together on the 24th will be a year and he is starting to understand but i have the confessing part and i feel like i have to confess these thoughts to him all the time and i can just imagine how he feels this is tearing me upside then the most annoying one that upsets me the most is the religious thoughts dealing good and bad inside my head I can't do anything just about without OCD being in it..I can't use the bathroom, get a shower, sleep, think, it controls how i hold the phone how i do things and what I do and im so sick oof this that all its doing is making me mad i lash out at God when i should not..I'm very frustrated and can't go back thru this again i mean im ok at the moment but im waiting for that to change as it always does .. it feels like im slipping in the controling of my mind at times and that scares me because I dont want to go back to the hospital i self injury myself because im so upset and dont know how to handle all this frustraton and anger and no one can seem to help me. one , is because I don't take the advise , because I'm scared. I'm on medicine and go to therapy once every month or to months depends on the money situation with me. sometimes i just really dont like earth its just a place of pain and i have sunshine but the pain seems to cover it up or try atleast and that really hurts me..but I have no choice to stay here because i live for God, my boyfriend, my mom.. and can not do that..so im stuck in this place where I dont want to be at times I feel very tired and fed up and angry, thanks for listening to me and the prayers i really do need them. sometimes i have good days or moments where im able to say its ocd i still do the ritual but im not as scared then boom all the sudden im really scared again..how are you doing ? please letme know take care God bless u always (( hugs ))