I've always been concerned with my health. Awhile back, I would read about illnesses or see something on the news and automatically imagine the symptoms and I was positive I had the disease. However, now it's strictly related to mental illnesses.
I'm not sure if this would be catagorized as an ocd related 'illness' or if it's hypocondria. It's really starting to spiral out of control and I almost feel...freakish at times. It started a few months ago when I had my first panic attack. I researched endlessely on what causes them, what types of people get them and all the anxiety disorders. Soon, I found myself believing I had all the mental illnesses possible and that I was a defective person. I first started thinking I had generalized anxiety so I researched it and I found more information on what I could also possibly have. I've literally convinced myself I suffered from paranoia, schizophrenia, OCD, post traumatic stress disorder, agoraphobia, panic disorder, narcissistic personality, bi-polar, psychotic....the list goes on and on. I'm not exaggerating and it get's very depressing and confusing and no one knows what i'm going through. I don't know if I actually have these things or not because if i didn't, I wouldn't seem to have all the symptoms, would I? I'm very afraid of reading about more mental illnesses because if i even have one symptom, I convince myself i have it and the rest of my days are consumed with how serious my new illness is. The 'cycle' usually lasts a month or two and then i'm completely fine and free of that particular 'disease' and I start researching again and latch myself onto another mental disorder. Right now I believe I have social phobia because what started as being a little nervous while being critiqued at work, is now complete fear that i'll never be able to talk to people again. So I made the HUGE mistake of researching Social Anxiety Disorder and started to display all the symptoms because I believed I had it. It's really insane and I realize this but I can't control it.
This is a horrible, horrible cycle that I can't seem to break. The smallest symptom will send me running to the computer to see what it is. Then I start to doubt I have something like hypocondria because maybe i'm just in denial that I have all these disorders? Maybe I do have all these illnesses. I'm starting to confuse myself now. Stepping back, it seems quite funny and pathetic but it's not a pleasant state to be in. I feel alone in this. The internet can be a very bad place for people like me. Can anyone relate or give tips on what might be my problem?
Hi, I can relate to everything you said, i feel the same way right now, im 21 years of age and from canada, and have been suffering bad lately with ocd, it sounds like you have what i have, whatever the heck you call it i am going through the same as you, i hope i helped a little bit and maybe we can talk, take care for now
im with you man... my whole life i have been afraid of going crazy.. so you can imagine about a year ago when i started getting panic attacks, which eventually blew up my OCD i thought "this is it... its happening"... i thought i was schizophrenic... thought i had bipolar... but its OCD... most of the time, hypochondria, anxiety and OCD all go hand in hand...
youre not alone... i have had some mental illness in my family, so when i start to think about that, it trips me up and im like "yep... this was supposed to happen"... it sucks.
This is very similar to my OCD also. Some of us have more "obsessional" OCD than others and that definitely sounds like what you have. To be honest with you I am still dealing with this myself but the only thing that has helped me so far (and probably most of us) is medication. I am upto 150mg. of Luvox now and I'm not stabalized yet on my meds. so I still may need a higher dosage but I am FINALLY starting to make some of those crazy thoughts disappear. It is so difficult to read something on-line or in books and not think you have it when you have OCD because that is part of it! For years I have suffered thinking that I am going to die and I'm just waiting for something to "hit" me to make me sick. One day, I realized that if I ever want to have kids and lead a normal life I have to find out what is wrong with me! It is a difficult process because I am still in weekly therapy too but like I said earlier I finally am starting to see a glimmer of hope. Also, I was absolutely convinced that there was nothing that could help me and I certainly didn't see HOW IT WAS POSSIBLE that medication could make me think differently; especially when I've thought this way for so many years (at least 10-12 years; I am 28 now) I am still hoping for this to get better for me and I have hope now that it will but I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. When you have OCD you naturally want to assume that nobody else knows how you feel and you start to feel like you're losing it. If it wasn't for these message boards I am convinced that my recovery would be hindered. I am so thankful that I can read everyone's posts and see how I also relate to them. I suggest reading these things every day to help you get over this. GOOD LUCK TO YOU. Beth
After I wrote this post I went back and re-read your post and realized I forgot to tell you something important. WHATEVER YOU DO; MAKE YOURSELF STOP READING ABOUT DISEASES! If you are like me once you read something it will stick in your brain forever. I used to be the same way as you and I forced myself to stop reading things. It will be hard to do but if you stop reading things eventually this will start to help you because you won't be thinking about different illnesses so much. Obviously people with OCD obsess over things so do you see my point?
I have the same bad habit of doing searches on the internet, and I made the mistake of reading about Schizophrenia...now I'm sort of "recreating" the symptoms I've read and, since I feared very much paranoia and delusions, now I feel paranoid and delusional all time, because paranoid thoughts pop up everytime...even if I label them paranoid and they trigger anxiety, I fear that I may be schizo or developing this illness because I fear that maybe I will believe them and this will really make me delusional...now I don't go anymore on the net to search for symptoms, and I hope I have not driven myself crazy.
Searching on the net it's the worst thing you can do!
Good to know i'm not alone. I try not to look up different diseases but it's almost like an addiction of some sort. Basically, I'm WAY too self concious and tuned into myself and notice every little thing "out of the ordinary" and mistake it as something of huge importance. When I don't research it, I feel even stranger because I don't have a documented disorder to identify with. I don't know why it's getting so bad lately. It's a vicious cycle.
Oh yes I can relate. In fact, I just read a post from another board on here and I am scared right now. It was about someone hearing voices, ending up places and not knowing how they got there, etc. So, now I worry "OMG what if that happens to me? What if I am like that?" I hate it hate it hate it! I am really self-concious..always thinking about what I am thinking about (does that make sense?) and making sure I am not "going crazy". I had the same experience as an above poster. I started having anxiety and panic attacks and thought "Ok this is it...I am going crazy!" It's a lot better now that I am on medication. Hang in there! You are definately not the only one!
Oh yeah, and I am too terrfied to look up certain illnesses on the internet. That would be like torturing myself. I can't even visit some of the boards on here because they will freak me out.
Last edited by daisyheadmaisy; 08-05-2004 at 10:27 PM.
I have ocd and schizoaffective disorder..... (schizophrenia/bipolar)...... and what I will tell you will save you alot of torment.... Leave the diagnosing to the doctors..... Go see a General practitioner or a social worker.... and see what they have to say.... they will evaluate you and tell you what to do. How could you possibly be able to diagnose yourself for mental illnesses when they are so close to a person, the person would definitely not see the problem.... and if you wont listen to that.... listen to this..... the most obvious answer is usually to most simplest.