marshman

Hey everybody, I'm still off my medicine and doing surprisingly good, I never believed hormones can cause OCD but now it's not nearly as bad, I think I hit a growth spurt and that's way it was so bad for a while. I'm doing better, I'm still a little paranoid, and still have the whole gay ocd thing but other than that i'm doing okay. It's a mind thing, if I post i'm doing well then I fear I'll start doing worse again, it's like i'm afraid I'll start obsessing that i'll do worse or i'm not doing better, and that makes the anxiety come up which of course makes the OCD worse. Anyway, I was wondering if it's a stage i'm going through or OCD, I'm not gay, I don't really want to be, and of course I'll question that alot, and lately this might sound gross, but I've been masturbating frequently, and recently, I haven't been able to see my self in an intimate relationship with a girl, I mean i'm comfortable around my guy friends, but I can not picture ever having an intiment relation with a guy thats just nasty. I still find girls attractive, but I don't know. Another thing I question is my religion, I question whether or not god is real, and sometimes fear that i'm going to go to hell for questioning it.