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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 08-05-2004, 09:52 AM   #1
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HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

I've been dating my bf for 2yrs now and he told me about his OCD in the beginning. I even researched it from this board and bought the recommended books which I also read.

Now he says he tries to do the exercises that the book states like waiting 15mins to do the compulsion, but most times I witness him just do the compulsion w/o even giving it a second thought. His main compulsion is plucking his eyelashes, which drives me crazy, since he'll do it in the middle of a conversation. I tell him to "stop it" and immediately he will, but how do I get him to perform the "rules" to prevent him from even doing it?

Just the other day we got into a huge arguement because he likes order and pre-preparing things ex.)right before we exited & shurt off the car he turned the radio station to his favorite morning station and I said why would you have to do that now & he said he just can't help that. I flipped and said I'm sick and tired of everything about you being OCD.

I know that's the wrong thing to say, but it get so frustrating watching all these things (like organizing clothes as soon as he takes them off, etc..), how can I help without enabling??

 
Old 08-05-2004, 10:16 AM   #2
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Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

How do you help him without enabling? Maybe ask him exactly how you can help him? You can't expect that because you tell him to "stop it", he'll never do it again. He needs love and support. He may never get over all his symptoms so you may need to re-evaluate if you can stay with him through the good and the BAD. The last thing he needs is for you to yell at him and get frustrated with his OCD. He hates his OCD. If he could simply change it, he would. He hates that you get frustrated with his OCD and probably really starts to hate himself for putting you through this. I think getting aggravated with him will only make him more anxious therefore making his symptoms worse.

 
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Old 08-05-2004, 11:05 AM   #3
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Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

Brandy-be thankful that that's the things that bother you the most. I also pick out my eyelashes/eyebrows all the time but I don't know when I do it because it's a subconscience thing! Also, my boyfriend is very understanding about my OCD issues. My alarm clock is set an hour and a half ahead of time and it goes off starting at 4:00 AM (which is really 2:30) every day and goes off every half hour to hour every night until I wake up! He has never told me to stop doing it. It must drive him crazy. Granted he is a heavy sleeper but it must bother him sometimes. I have been with him for almost 5 years!!!!!!

 
Old 08-05-2004, 12:06 PM   #4
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Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

Quote:
Originally Posted by bm28
Brandy-be thankful that that's the things that bother you the most. I also pick out my eyelashes/eyebrows all the time but I don't know when I do it because it's a subconscience thing! Also, my boyfriend is very understanding about my OCD issues. My alarm clock is set an hour and a half ahead of time and it goes off starting at 4:00 AM (which is really 2:30) every day and goes off every half hour to hour every night until I wake up! He has never told me to stop doing it. It must drive him crazy. Granted he is a heavy sleeper but it must bother him sometimes. I have been with him for almost 5 years!!!!!!
You've got yourself a great guy. Have you explained to him about OCD? Does he ever question any of your actions assoc. with OCD?

 
Old 08-05-2004, 12:40 PM   #5
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Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

Yeah, he knows all about it. I was just diagnosed a few months ago (end of April) so this is all very recent. He said that he always knew that something was wrong but he had no idea what it was! We have always lived together so we are together most of the time. You are fortunate to have known about this from the beginning. I know that it must be frustrating for you sometimes but keep in mind that it's the obsessions that are disabling, not the compulsions. Some people with OCD will always have the compulsions but it makes us feel better and besides being annoying sometimes; so what? That's what my therapist always says!!!! Has your boyfriend been in therapy and does he take medication???? Beth

 
Old 08-05-2004, 12:51 PM   #6
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Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

Quote:
Originally Posted by bm28
Yeah, he knows all about it. I was just diagnosed a few months ago (end of April) so this is all very recent. He said that he always knew that something was wrong but he had no idea what it was! We have always lived together so we are together most of the time. You are fortunate to have known about this from the beginning. I know that it must be frustrating for you sometimes but keep in mind that it's the obsessions that are disabling, not the compulsions. Some people with OCD will always have the compulsions but it makes us feel better and besides being annoying sometimes; so what? That's what my therapist always says!!!! Has your boyfriend been in therapy and does he take medication???? Beth
Hey Beth,
My boyfriend is on medication (Paxil) since he also has anxiety, he used to see a therapis, but she only concentrated on his past problems (family issues, grouwing up etc) and not the OCD so now he just see's his psyc for refills on med.

Regarding the compulsion, from the book me & my bf read (Brain lock; a great recommendation from this board) it says in order to try and minizmize the condition one must prevent themselves from doing the compulsion - so that's what gets me upset since the book says not always to listen to the compulsion but try and ignore it, and the more you give in to the compulsion the more you will do it, so essentially if you ignore it eventually your brain gets "rewired" to not do that anymore - as you can tell I really got into the book.

Even though my bf acknowledges this he doesn't do it. I'm not trying to change him, but he has taken an interest in reading up on it and how he can rid himself of it & i also know that normally you can't get rid of all they sympotms.

 
Old 08-05-2004, 01:28 PM   #7
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Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

I'll have to read that book. I guess I am not to the point where my therapist worries about my compulsions since my obsessions are so troublesome. It seems like he might need talk therapy before he tries any behavioral therapy since the obsessions are the root of the problem. It doesn't sound like his previous therapy was all that successful for his OCD. Also, it is seems like it would be very hard to just ignore the complusions. I know for me, the medication so far has worked wonders even though at first I didn't see how it was possible that anything would change the way that I think. However now I have realized that I still wash my hands alot, I still sleep weird, knock, etc. so I don't see how it's possible that I can change those things! Good Luck to you and your boyfriend. Beth

 
Old 08-06-2004, 06:12 AM   #8
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Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

Quote:
Originally Posted by bm28
I'll have to read that book. I guess I am not to the point where my therapist worries about my compulsions since my obsessions are so troublesome. It seems like he might need talk therapy before he tries any behavioral therapy since the obsessions are the root of the problem. It doesn't sound like his previous therapy was all that successful for his OCD. Also, it is seems like it would be very hard to just ignore the complusions. I know for me, the medication so far has worked wonders even though at first I didn't see how it was possible that anything would change the way that I think. However now I have realized that I still wash my hands alot, I still sleep weird, knock, etc. so I don't see how it's possible that I can change those things! Good Luck to you and your boyfriend. Beth
Thanks Beth and good luck t you too. You should definitely read that book, it's amazing how well it helps.

Just last night I made egss for my bf and I took 4 of them out of the box, but in no specific order - so they weren't lined up "right" after I took them out. ANd my bf is standing there looking at the "unevenness" of the egg carton and he's repeating "I just have to wait 15 mins". It was very hard for him to sit there and look at it, but eventually I closed the carton with uneven eggs and all and we both said lets think about something else now. And surprisingly once they were back in the refrig. he didn't even bother with that thought again.
Good Luck

 
Old 08-09-2004, 07:50 PM   #9
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kingam HB User
Re: HELP: Dealing with boyfriends OCD (long)

the best i can say is support him at all costs... he will/can get better... i recently broke up with my ex because she used my OCD and anxiety disorder as a tool... she would use it against me... "oh you dont know what youre talking about, youre losing your mind half the time"...

great girl... when she moved out she took a bunch of **** on me too... a real peach. lol.

 
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