baddoubts

let me tell you i feel you bud, i have no (*(&$@(& clue what the hell this is or why it started but i feel super wierd in society, anyone feel as if they believe the constant nagging that this is, its not like a compulsion where you can just walk away when i was 12 i thought all my food and drinks were contaminated then i had lots of urges to do compulsions, no symptoms for 4 years, now doubts about my sexuality??? never had a **** fantasy in my life but all of a sudden i feel like my body wants to be with guys??!?!?!?! i love my girlfriend but i keep searching for emotions whenever i see her, i have to see if i get aroused by just staring at her, of course with all the anxiety that i have its normal not to be able to be aroused by just looking at her but why do i feel like im lying, i havent been to work in 5 days, i havent hung out with my friends for some reason, and when the anziety leaves me alone, i feel like ive accepted that im gay when I know that I am not, but how do you know the difference between this and denial??? theres a fine line, but i dont know, im scared and i want to be happy again dont know what to do