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blick · 08-17-2004, 05:17 AM

so i'm past the main thrust of HOCD perhaps? I no longer spend all day with the thought "am i gay" in the forefront of my mind...in fact i know im not gay now and that thught doesnt really bother me. Ive been past the main thrust of sexual thoughts towards prople/my friends of the same sex. But what im left with is hardly fun! can anyone relate to it?

I feel different...my brain and the way it functions feels different. I feel different towards women, i no longer see a pretty woman and just think "oh shes pretty", i have to think about it more that that as if to convince myself..i still notice attractive guys etc...im really not explaining this very well! I still have the thoughts "does it feel wierd to be a guy"? and i have i guess what can only be described as flashbacks or reminders...i'll see somthing (on tv for example), ill smell somthing or do somthing and sudennly i get a flashback of the hardest hocd times, like whenever i go 4 a pee and see my dick i think about hocd....i still find it hard being with my gf. I think i find it hard as i was going through the hocd when i was with her so maybe she reminds me of the bad times...I JUST AM NOT THE SAME PERSON I ONCE WAS AND KNOW I NEVER WILL BE, I FEEL DIFFERENT ...

understand?

alex86 · 08-17-2004, 03:08 PM

i got over the gay ocd, but one thing that hasn't fully recovered is my attraction to women. I used to get erections from seeing a banging chick walkin down the block, and I'd be like, omg, the things I'd do to that girl, but now, it happens rarely. everytime I see a hot girl, I say, yeah, she's pretty, and that's about it. no more nasty thoughts, and the attraction isnt always there. the problem is that when I see a hot girl, I expect to be attracted, and I always check my reactions, but that just makes it worse. I have to get to the point where everything comes naturally, and I dont have to check myself if I'm attracted to that girl or not. hopefully, Ill get past it. do u get this sometimes?

Gerz · 08-18-2004, 12:40 AM

I'm struggling with HOCD...I was just curious as to how y'all went about getting over it?

blick · 08-18-2004, 07:48 AM

well gerz....

for one its taken nearly a year of *********** hell! secondly im on medication (citalopram)....and thirdly im not fully over it at all...i guess before my hocd was a full blown painting, now its only a pencil drawing!

but it may always be there in the back of my mind....who knows.

I guess i always knew through all of it that i wasnt gay, it was more a what if scenario....and the thoughts are still there.

It will get easier man

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