Hiya, i wrote on here a while back about my ridiculous paranoia all the time about being stabbed either by accident or on purpose with an infected needle (HIV is my biggest fear, i dont even think about hep b or c). well, i was getting better and worrying about it less and i was halfway on the way to realising that it was irrational, but no, its back with avengance, this as well as ALL of my other worries is totally taking over my life.
right, this is what happened.. i work in a hopsital, (which doesnt help) but only in a shop, well last sat i was standing behind the till, it was quite quiet, and a guy walked in, elderly but a fit looking elderly person, not like small and wrinkly, if u know what i mean, and he walked straight over to the sandwich fridge, i wasnt even paying much attention, then he asked me if we had a specific type of sandwich cos he had been sent down by a patient for a sandwich and then he waved some money in the air. i went round to have a look through the sandwich fridge and i was reaching right through to the back to see what sandwiches there was there, then i felt a kind of sharp twinge in my back, and me instantly panicked, pulled out of the fridge, looked at the guy, and then carried on looking trying to act as normal as possible. then he said oh so u think there might be some at the back and i was like yeah, u just need to have a hunt through, so he carried on looking for a few minutes and then walked out of the shop. And i was paicking and panicking thinking what if he stabbed me with a needle??!! I know it sounds absolutley pathetic cos he was just a normal older guy, quite well spoken saying he was looking for a sandwich for a patient! but me, im thinking, he didnt look too long for the sandwich, maybe he was making it up so he could stab me, but why would he do that? maybe he hates young people, maybe he has hiv or knows someone who has and wants to pass it on to other ppl, if he wanted the sandwich that much he wud of gone and looked in the cafe etc etc etc. im going totally CRAZY!! So ever since I have been examining my back but i always have marks on my back anyway. i examined it when i got home, no blood or anything, nor any blood on my white uniform, but i have been looking at little red marks on my back and there is also a little tiny bruise and im panicking incase its a needle mark!!
It just seems totally weird to me that when i leaned in to the sandwich fridge that is when i felt a sharp twinge feeling. So i have been regretting going round to help ever since, more and more things like this are hapening in my job but this is the worst for a while. because i convince myself that it must be the worst cos it couldnt possibly have been anything else!!
I think i would feel better if i KNEW that i would definately know if i had been poked with a needle, for example it would certainly bleed or something! im always thinking, well maybe it doesnt need to bleed to be able to get into ur body maybe the needle has only gone in just enough to put virus in but not show any visible blood! it goes on and on and on and it has done ever since i heard stories about people beng stabbed with infected needles and catching hiv! its driving me mad!! all i want is peace of mind so i can get on with my life! im sure the same as most ppl on here!!
anyway, im going on way too much so i'll leave it at that!! if ANYONE knows ANYTHING about needlesticks or needlewounds i would be very grateful for any advice!!
I wish I could help you w/ advice about needle sticks. I don't know much about that but I wanted to say that I have the same paranoia about HIV. I've never slept around or done any intravenous drugs or anything like that but I am convinced that I have HIV. I've gotten cut quite a few times at the nail salon by their tools and even though they say everything is sanitized, I feel as though they are lying to me. I have since changed to a private salon where I can watch all of the tools come out of the solution but am still paranoid that I contracted HIV years ago at the bigger salon. I've asked my doctor quite a few times and she insists that she's never heard of anyone contracting HIV through nail tools but I have read online that it can be spread through any blood contact. What if someone before me had HIV and they got cut, and the tool wasn't cleaned and then I got cut??? How long does the virus last in the air? I constantly ask myself these questions. The doc says my insurance might not cover an HIV test but when I go tomorrow I'm going to make her check if it is or not. I don't even care, I'll just pay for it because I'm suffering w/ thoughts that I have it. And I have been feeling quite ill lately so I am so paranoid about it. I already made her test me for Hepatitis and it came out negative but I'm also afraid that the test was just inaccurate. SOOO bottom line of this post---just wanted to tell u that you're not alone w/ that obsession, I have it too!! Good luck w/ your needle thing. I'm sure that if there is not blood anywhere on you or your uniform then you weren't pricked. I'm also sure that the man did not just take out a mysterious needle, poke you, and then hide the needle all during a sandwhich hunt. It is very unlikely but if you are very worried, either go to the doc or take that home test where you send away for the results. I'm sure we're just both paranoid and not infected! Hugs.
Oh, I wish I could find the right words to both of you to make all your pain go away. I could hear how you are suffering (especially you Laura - I've read your previous posts some weeks ago) and I've been there, so I know how these thoughts overtake your mind and how the anxiety just doesn't let go. I had the same type of thing once over a band-aid on the sidewalk. Okay, I could avoid it, but then I was afraid my husband would step on it and track hiv all over the house. Or the dog would walk on it and get it on his paw...but of course I didn't want to touch the band-aid to remove it, so there I was in the dark of night trying to lay duct tape down over the band-aid without touching it! OCD makes us think and do very weird things. But I did overcome it - you have to realize that all your anxiety and thoughts are the OCD talking. It is not real. Besides the whole scenario of some poor guy visiting in a hospital and trying to get a sandwich but actually intent on poking you with an infected needle being so ridiculous, you would KNOW if you got poked! Did you ever get an injection from a doctor and go "oh gosh, never felt that!" Certainly I didn't! Needles HURT! And if you got poked so lightly that you didn't feel it, then that means it didn't penetrate far enough to infect you. But it doesn't matter because you did NOT get poked, all you are suffering from is OCD. I don't know how to make this better for you, I so wish I could. I know exactly how this works. No matter how much reassurance I or anyone else gives you about how unlikely it is that this person poked you, or how unlikely it is that you would get HIV if you did get poked, there is the inevitable "yeah but what if...." That is the insidious nature of OCD. That's why they call it the doubting disease. I don't know what else to tell you. Maybe just knowing that others have gone thru this will help you. I know it helped me, it just lessened the power of the obsessions knowing that others had them as well.
I just wanted to let you know that today I went to the doc and made her test me for HIV even though my insurance doesn't cover it. I am so incredibly paranoid about it that I figured I better just pay for it already! It's only about $40. I'm just telling you because I wanted you to know that I already feel better even though the results won't be in until next week. I just feel better knowing that I will know soon either way. I have been much more relaxed today. Maybe it would give you some peace of mind just to get checked? Good luck!
Hey guys, tnaks for your replies!
I hope your test results are ok! I'm sure they will be! let me know!!
I hope one day I will grow out of this worry, but no doubt it will be onto something else!!
Just two things; I know it sounds absolutley ridiculous about the guy, and I think he came in later on as well and had a staff badge on so I think he might of been a volunteer?! but I DID feel something! but y'know like a twinge, like sometimes you jyst get a random twingey pain, i cant describe it, normally i wouldnt pay any attention but with every single thing i feel lately im paranoid! I WAS getting better with it but after this I have gone bad again!! It was when I was reaching forward i felt a tiny small pain in my back! But when I looked later there was no blood or anything but I was still worrying in case needle marks dont always bleed obviously!! and it would be hard to see with it being on my back!!
And also the thing about the test, this complicates things even more, because I know i would have to wait 6 months until the results are conclusive, and if i had a test for every single "possible needle stabbing" i wouldnt be away from the docs, and also i have an enormous fear of needles, and i would be paranoid that the nurse wouldnt use correct hygene and i would somehow get hiv through that!! like i did last time i had a blood test!! i seriously cant win!! all i need to know is that if i was poked with a needle it would bleed enough to be able to see it and not just be a tiny little red *** on the skin that you couldnt see properly!! and if it would be possible to get hiv from a needle if it just touches your skin enough to feel but doesnt pierce it enough to bleed! i could do with advice from a nurse or someone!! in the past all my other worries have been solved by one fact that makes my worry seem untrue or impossible and then everytime i have the worry i remember the fact and i relax a bit but i cant seem to do that with this worry!
its wierd how you can look at other peoples concerns and KNOW yourself that they have absolutely NOTHING to worry about and ppl propb think that about what i write but to yourself it is soo real and worrying!!
it doesnt help that i am always worrying about other things as well!! like i always feel responsible for things and guilty about things i have done in the past!! and i just cant let it go! have you guys had that too?
on fact i might write a seperate thread about this one too! i need some peace in my head which i havent had for months now!
thanks for your input!
Ok, I am not a nurse but as far as I know, the HIV virus has to enter your bloodstream for you to contract it. So, NO if it did not make you bleed, it did not enter the bloodstream and you did NOT contract the virus.
As for the guilty feeling and such, yes I also have that. I analyze every situation over and over in my head. If I had a converstion that I feel did not go right, I think about it over and over and wish that I said something else and I usually don't feel better about it unless I talk to that person again or until enough time goes by that I move on to something else. I feel guilty for just about everything, even though I know that most things weren't even my fault or anything. That is one of the factors of my OCD that really bothers me because the thoughts are constantly swirling in my mind. The little rituals and things I do around the house are just little nagging things that I have to do but the thoughts are hard to escape. So I think that is the worst part of this disorder for me. I hope I helped. Good luck!!
oh my god, I just had a similar experience with my ocd, I also am irrationally scared of getting aid's. I was at the mall and a clean looking elderly man came up to me and said hello and introduced himself and shook my hand i spent the rest of the day and nite possitive that this unexpected encounter was a sick joke this man was playing and that he was trying to give me aid's by pricking his hand and then shaking mine, or putting battery acid on his hand or something like that, it was pretty stupid
its crazy isnt it? that is exactly how i wud think! a totally normal encounter gets turned into something really suspicious in my head!! like somebody has purposely gone out of their way to get me!! it wud be very coincidental if someone were trying to give u a disease and it just happened to be the same disease u r paraniod of getting but in ur head it just seems so believeable doesnt it? its like what if what if what if?? i do this all the time! and instead of thinking well, its extremely unlikely that this happened i will think well there might be the tiniest little chance it happened, then i'll convince myself just how likely it is to have happened! i think ocd always makes u think the worst!