For as long as I can remember, I've been a paranoid person. As young as 5 I can remember staying up all night, b/c I was afraid of dying in my sleep. Was that rational? no, but I was 5, to this day, I still occasionally will stay up. I wouldnt eat my corn at dinner if there was a spec of something on it, pepper used to frighten me. I remember my mom having to convince me eating vanilla bean ice cream wasnt going to kill me, I didnt eat it for years. As I got older, i became obsessed with the weather. I feared thunderstorms, so much so, if I heard thunder, I often cried. I was deathly afraid of tornados. I watched the weather channel 24/7. I was obsessed. When my parents got divorced (age 9/10) I was probably at my worst. After an incident at a restaurant, where my chicken wasnt all the way cooked, I lost it. For months, my fears and paranoia became worse and worse. I wouldnt eat anything with my hands. I wouldnt eat chicken, I wouldnt eat steak. If I were to eat a meat, I would re-heat it up till it was basically a brick. I washed my hands obsessesively, but then became afraid of soap getting in my mouth from my hands. I got to the point I was afraid to wash my hair. The worst it got, is slightly embarassing, and only recently, have I even begun to really think about it. In class, this is a 5th grade class mind you, I became so fearful of the lead from my pencil somehow would leave floating particles that would fly into my mouth, and kill me. I eventually trained myself not to swallow my spit when I would use a pencil. After a while, it was just second nature, and I would realize I had this huge wad of spit in my mouth. I would get rid of it, by pretending to blow my nose and spit it into napkins. I still feel ashamed, when I think about it. I know it wasnt rational, but when I get obsessed with things, it never is rational. Through highschool, I wasnt as bad, tho I will admit I was terribly obsessed with my grades, but who isnt in highschool? At least people who want to achieve. The stresses of my life eventually culminated into one, and I developed fibromyalgia, at age 18. My mother has the condition as well. Of course immediately, I became obsessed with fibro, and other diseases. The obsession continues to this day. A lot of my fears and obsessions are slightly embarassing. I was so afraid that I was pregnant at one point--never even having had sex, I actually went and bought a home pregnancy test. Recently I have been obsessed with HIV. I also recently got tested, so hopefully, those fears will soon pass. Tho, I must say, if its not something, its something else. I dont know if this is OCD, but an ex of mine noting my behavior mentioned it to me, b/c he has OCD as well. I know this is long. Thanks for reading if I did . Any input is welcome.
certainly sounds like a form of OCD to me... Many of your fears were VERY similar to mine... the weather was HUGE when i was little... tornados absolutely killed me... my other ocd symptoms are "HOCD" (fear of becoming homosexual) and Cancer... cancer has absolutely scared the hell out of me forever... whenever i feel pain or anything i think its cancer... i recently pulled a muscle in my lower abdomine and i keep convincing myself its testicular cancer... i spent about 2 hours the other night checking myself, which made my testicles really sore... but i couldnt stop... so of course the soreness makes me think "OMG, THEY HURT"... but i did it to myself... lol.. its such a weird cycle...
No, I havent. I lost my health insurance not too long ago, and just moved to a different state, so treating any of my health issues has been difficult=\ Leaves a lot of room for me to obsess over every little thing that goes wrong.
Okay haily i would say that you do have OCD. Stop and think...your thoughts are not rational. Being pregnant and having an STD without having sex! You need to get a grip because OCD can very quickly take over your life. My other post on OCD explaining my situation may be helpful to you i hope. It is something you can overcome and without medication. It is all in your head and it can be solved all in your head. You just need to stop, take your time, and think. good luck
What hailey is feeling is not rational. I too have somethings like that. Well, a little more rational. I'm always afraid to have HIV also, eventhough I don't have sex. I'm afraid to touch people's bags by mistake when I walk down the streets when those people look like drug dealers....(I think they might have needles in their bags...)that brings me a lot of anxiety. I'm afraid to touch anything sharp in case somebody has touched that before and cut himself and I will cut myself also and hoops will get HIV. scarry me to death. But it's more rational than hailey. Of course you cannot get HIV from not having sex. You get HIV from unprotected sex, shared needles and blood trasfusion from what I understand.
I used to worry about having cancer all my life also! but now I (probably)have fibromyaglia or even lupus or more! so cancer does not scare me anymore!.
Last edited by Iwantacure; 09-15-2004 at 12:40 PM.
It can trigger b/c of stress, I never said it couldnt. As a matter of fact, I said that was the biggest factor with fms. Ive been dealing with serious stress issues since the age of 9. I'm not really all that shocked my health as suffered, when I really look back at all I have been through. As for HIV. It IS possible that I could have HIV, b/c I had given head one time to an ex of mine, which were my reasons for the starting obsession with HIV. It's not terribly rational, no, but it is possible.