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ontheway · 09-04-2004, 09:41 PM

this is weird to me but It seems to me when i get " attack " by intrusive thoughts is around night time I'm not sure why that is..I mean i strugglle thru out the day with thoughts but i get really down at night because they seem to bother me alot maybe its because im bored at night or I dont know because its not light outside which i know sounds weird to say that.. I just find this crap inside my head hard to work thru when I want a normal life well as normal to me is not having to deal with these thoughts and if i get the thought im able to dismiss them.

It's just not that easy and I'm very I dont know what words I can say that I havent said before im tired, frustrated and my life seems to be some of me mostly OCD and its got to the point where i just dont know i dont know how i can work up the strength and actually believe this is OCD regardless of what others in the past have said to me. If i could get that down in my mind its just OCD and didnt have these bad feelings that come along with the thoughts or maybe just get down its OCD its not real its not me and I'll be able to beat this.

I know each one of you have felt are feeling my anger, my frustrating, my sadness, my pain because y'all going thru the same thing just maybe different symptoms I can't keep living my life this way its taking from each day and its taken away from my life for so many years its unreal. I want my life back and I want to be myself again and feel safe in this body I have to live in. I just can't understand why I'm a slave to my own brain and why i cant just let go like that...

there is nothing I can say that i've not already repeated on this board, I guess I should just stop my complaining and do something but sooooooo much easier said then done its like when i am doing better and getting some control OCD tricks me and pulls me right back into the web and trys to get me more tanggled up I'm wasting my life in pain.. but this is what I've been delt with and life is never easy nor fun all the time i just would like the word happines to express its meaning to me more often.

I'd like to feel a little liberty, this is the free land but im trapped inside myself..thanks for listening God bless yall always

sportsgrl · 09-05-2004, 11:58 AM

I am currently reading an awesome book called "The Treatment of Obsessions" by S. Rachman. You can get it on Amazon. It's mainly for people w/ pure-o, and I think it is really helping me and can help you feel better too.

hry33 · 09-05-2004, 01:08 PM

books on overcoming OCD have useful advice

'brainlock' helped me a lot with my unwanted thoughts

ontheway · 09-11-2004, 06:18 PM

hey

thanks for replying to me, I've never been a book reader. But I should invest in some helpful ones I'm just scared to read it and have some eles trigger inside my mind because of OCD. I'm having such a hard time today and I'm so sick of OCD i could just scream, or hit my bed etc

It's making me so angry because sometimes I dont know reality when OCD tricks me.. It's so freaking hard to do this and just get by in one piece thru the day. I know that when I wake up I'm going to be going thru many struggles and im so tired you guys.. I know ya'll feel me about when i say im sik and tired.

I'm trying to over come this one thought by wearing the shirt i want too and just doing what I want and not what my mind makes things out to be when they are not or atleast i hope its not.. I'm getting mad with God and thats noot a good thing.

I'm growing tired of going thru OCD every single day of my life its to the point were my life does not have much joy in it except my boyfriend he is my sunshine but OCD focus around him I feel i have to protect him all the time so i pray n pray even when I pray I can't get any peace because i see images and have intrusive thoughts so i have to start all over again and it takes all the joy out of praying as well because i dont get peace with these things

I'm telling you, It's stinking so bad right now and I know i should do something about it instead of complaining but I'm scared and i feel stuck in a place that I should not be and im alone in some aspects i feel like giving up sometimes but then i know i CANT do it because of 3 things God, my boyfriend, my mom.. they keep me here and im frustrated that while i have this life on earth i cant enjoy it because I spend it in pain.. i feel like I was made to suffer..

I can't calm these angry feelings because I HATE this crap I go thru its ruining me and has ruin me my mom said im going to end back up in the hospital because its getting bad and i wont be going back there because they stink as well i need to do something about my life.. oops OCD's life but in reality its MY LIFE and im stuck with this, this is what my burden is and it becomes others too

It's not fair for anyone... Thanks for listening to me vent so much, im just so mad inside and dont know what to do to motivated myself into believing this is only OCD and im ok.. because feelings tell me lies and i should not believe them i need faith and im lacking that because i get intrusive thoughts all the time... take care everyone God bless each one of you (( hugs ))

Love ur friend
Me

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