thanks for replying to me, I've never been a book reader. But I should invest in some helpful ones I'm just scared to read it and have some eles trigger inside my mind because of OCD. I'm having such a hard time today and I'm so sick of OCD i could just scream, or hit my bed etc
It's making me so angry because sometimes I dont know reality when OCD tricks me.. It's so freaking hard to do this and just get by in one piece thru the day. I know that when I wake up I'm going to be going thru many struggles and im so tired you guys.. I know ya'll feel me about when i say im sik and tired.
I'm trying to over come this one thought by wearing the shirt i want too and just doing what I want and not what my mind makes things out to be when they are not or atleast i hope its not.. I'm getting mad with God and thats noot a good thing.
I'm growing tired of going thru OCD every single day of my life its to the point were my life does not have much joy in it except my boyfriend he is my sunshine but OCD focus around him I feel i have to protect him all the time so i pray n pray even when I pray I can't get any peace because i see images and have intrusive thoughts so i have to start all over again and it takes all the joy out of praying as well because i dont get peace with these things
I'm telling you, It's stinking so bad right now and I know i should do something about it instead of complaining but I'm scared and i feel stuck in a place that I should not be and im alone in some aspects i feel like giving up sometimes but then i know i CANT do it because of 3 things God, my boyfriend, my mom.. they keep me here and im frustrated that while i have this life on earth i cant enjoy it because I spend it in pain.. i feel like I was made to suffer..
I can't calm these angry feelings because I HATE this crap I go thru its ruining me and has ruin me my mom said im going to end back up in the hospital because its getting bad and i wont be going back there because they stink as well i need to do something about my life.. oops OCD's life but in reality its MY LIFE and im stuck with this, this is what my burden is and it becomes others too
It's not fair for anyone... Thanks for listening to me vent so much, im just so mad inside and dont know what to do to motivated myself into believing this is only OCD and im ok.. because feelings tell me lies and i should not believe them i need faith and im lacking that because i get intrusive thoughts all the time... take care everyone God bless each one of you (( hugs ))
Love ur friend