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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 09-09-2004, 03:58 PM   #1
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What do you think?

As I was reading some of the obsessive behaviors some of you have, I thought, THAT'S ME!!! I was just trying to get an opinion as to what this sounded like. I read many posts here trying to get educated, and I have stumbled across 2 things that really made me think. First of all, I had strep throat REPEATEDLY in childhood, and secondly, my mother has always been what most people call "a perfectionist." But she is such a perfectionist, she can never take joy in a job well done because it's never good enough. I am the same way about things that are close to me, especially my music. I can't stand to hear myself sing or play anything on tape. I get a horrible anxiety feeling and almost sick to my stomach from all the imperfections I hear.

Also I've had alot of strange repeated behaviors from childhood that I have broken myself from, but some are still around. The astricked behaviors I still have, the others I remember from childhood.

1) I chew my cheeks and lips constantly.*
2) I pick my nose. I can't stand the feeling of anything in there*
3) I hate being hugged by those other than family or hand shaking.*
4) I incessantly pick at skin imperfections on my face. (Pimples, scabs, any type of dry skin or bump.)*
5) I can't go to sleep if anyone is touching me.*
6) I have an intense fear of death, I even get very occasional panic attacks when I think about it.*
7) I worry that I'm a hypocondriach because I'm always afraid I have every disease or disorder. (Hence, posting here.) *
8) At the beginning of both my pregnancies, I just knew I had an ectopic and thought about it constantly until I had an u/s to prove otherwise. I would also go online constantly to reasearch it to try to convince myself I didn't have one.*
9) I have intrusive horrible thoughts that I don't want to think about invading my head at times. Often sexual, often about someone I love dying tragically.*
10) As a child I always licked my bedroom walls. ???!!!!!
11) Whan going to the bathroom I have to use two seperate pieces of TP. One for front and one for back, whether I've done #2 or not.*
12) I also wipe excessively.*
13) I used to (and sometimes occasionally) do the "air writing" with my finger of words. Usually words that I'm thinking or saying.
14) I constantly get the same line of a song running through my head. This can last for days.*
15) I also drive myself crazy trying to remember things that aren't important. I will call people who I know know just to make it go away. As a teen I looked in EVERY record store EVERY time we went in because I couldn't think of the Roy Orbison song that Bonnie Rait covered. (Anything You Want. This lasted for months.) And I drive my husband NUTS every time we watch a movie or TV show. I will see someone I recognize and can't stop thinking about it until I've remembered what movie/tv show I've seen them in previously. Once as a teen, I even called the radio station because I couldn't remember the Big Bopper's real name and had been thinking about it for days. (J.P. Richardson)
16) I am extremely afraid of tornadoes and obsessed with the weather. I am from a tornado ridden area, so I have often refused to go to sleep on a stormy night because of the weather. At the first sign of severe weather I close myself, my son, and my cats in the hallway.*
17) As a preteen/teenager, my "crushes" were VERY obsessive. I would come close to stalking them. I would honestly talk about or think about these crushes CONSTANTLY. I kept a "crush journal" where I would write about them every day. I would even try to stand close to his friends in the lunch line everyday hoping to hear them mention his name. They were absolutely all consuming. My relationships later were all encompassing, too. I was incredibly wrapped up in my boyfriends in college. Just obsessed. My relationship with my husband was never that way though. We were always just friends until we decided to get together.

I'm sure there are more, but that should give you an idea. As a child I used to get "stuck" in repeated behaviors for a certain amount of time (like the wall licking) and then move on to another one.

The odd thing is, I've never been accused of being a real perfectionist. My house is a wreck usually and I half-assed my way through college. I have realized, however, that I have a massive fear of failure. Ever since I made my first B in the 7th grade, I have messed around in school so I could be "in control" of my mediocre grades. That way I always knew "I could've done better." My house is the same way. I can never keep is as clean as I'd like it, so I just let it go.

Does this sound like OCD behavior to you??
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Married 09/28/2002
DS born 07/05/2003
DD born 3/24/2005

Last edited by siren1024; 09-09-2004 at 05:04 PM.

 
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Old 09-09-2004, 03:59 PM   #2
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Re: What do you think?

Oh, I forgot to add that sometimes I just can't control my thoughts. They just race and race. I have a very hard time falling asleep every night because of this.
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DD born 3/24/2005

 
Old 09-14-2004, 08:25 PM   #3
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Re: What do you think?

Short answer: Yes.
Im sorry that it has ravaged your life this far. It seems that in your case ocd acts as an accelerant for emotions that would be normal in most cases. It amplifies and reruns those thoughts. Unfortunately, we cannot remove and repair our brain so we are victim to its subterfuge. Anyway, I would recommend cognitive behavioral therapy and perhaps talk therapy, augmented of course with standard issue antidepressant. Then for a little extra help, and a slight change of perspective you might consider reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. IT is hailed by critics and it is well written.

 
Old 09-15-2004, 08:13 PM   #4
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Re: What do you think?

This is so intense for me cause I am actually seriously studying OCD just now because I truly think I may have it and I went down the list of things you have experienced and quite a bit of them pertain to my own life experiences and the things I have done and still do. I really think I may have OCD. Just from reading all the symptoms and things that people with OCD do. My boyfriend says he thinks it is a big possibility. Anyways I am curious to know more.

Sunnie
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Old 09-20-2004, 10:15 AM   #5
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siren1024 HB User
Re: What do you think?

Well, thank you for your responses. Believe it or not, these compulsions have only somewhat ravaged my life. I always felt like I was "off," a little crazy, or "weird" even as a child because of the way my mind would work. So being aware of these from an early age has helped me learn to control the behaviors rather than be ostracized for them. Most people who know me, even those who know me well, would say they've never noticed anything odd about me, except those who always tell me I'm too smart to do so badly in school. So, the behaviors have more ravaged me internally than truly interfered with my life.

As a child, or young teen I would go through the typical teenage phases, but mine would be just obsessive. For a couple years it was baseball, players, posters, cards, memorabilia, I couldn't miss a Braves game, then it would be a particular artist, CD I liked, I'd join the fan club, get autographs, concerts, or (I still do this) I listen to a new CD over and over and over, listen to nothing else, until I kid you not, I could sing the album from start to finish, even the instrumentals. LOL.

So as you see, most of these behaviors are things many people never noticed or took seriously or really interfered with daily life. The worst part of the whole ordeal has been mental. The knowledge that I was "off" and "strange" when everyone else saw me as stable, normal, and I always played to that. Weird, huh?
__________________
--Kellie
Married 09/28/2002
DS born 07/05/2003
DD born 3/24/2005

 
Old 09-20-2004, 06:37 PM   #6
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Moonrize HB User
Re: What do you think?

I have had ocd for years and never realised it till recently.I can't sleep unless everything is neat and in order,there can be NO clutter anywhere,I can rarely sit thru a whole movie at home without jumping up 100 times to do something,even when ill I am vacuuming,dusting,etcetcetc.Its at the point now where the doc put me on zoloft,I can't even sleep cause my body just won't rest,my husband says when I do sleep, I "run marathons". Recognising that you have it,and that you can't help it,is the first step in trying to control it.Hopefully now instead of fretting about my laundry I will just kick the pile or get hubby to do it.
I feel better already!

 
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