Help! I've got a cold and am terrified.
I hate hate hate this. It's been a problem forever. whenever I get sick or have the slightest health problem I am certain I am going to die. I've been under a lot of stress lately, feeling a little depressed for a number of reasons that are understandable, so my logical mind knows I just wore myself down till I got sick. I was sleeping a lot last week partially due to my meds (they've always done that) partially because when I'm upset, I sleep a lot. But of course, I'm convinced I'm thisclose to death. I woke up last night with sinus trouble and was convinced I had cancer and I was going to be dead or that they would have to cut up my face to get it out. Today I am so weak and fevery and obviously have a head cold, but now I'm convinced I have HIV even though I'm very low risk (I've only had 3 partners in my life, all *very* low risk, anyone else, we never had sex and we didn't exchange any fluid beyond kissing.) One of my friends has HIV but you don't get it by being friends with someone and my fear escalated severely when I saw a character on a show who might have it...tv can really screw me up. So anyway, I'm terrified, even though I know I'm nuts. What will it be tomorrow? Leprosy? (Don't laugh...I've been afraid I had weirder stuff.) I am absolutely terrified of doctors. I break bones and refuse to see a doctor. I have to be heavily sedated to walk in the door of a doctor's office, so I don't know that going in and having them tell me I have a cold will work. I *know* it's a cold (sinus pressure, raspy throat, tired, feverish, feel better when I take nyquil), so WHY can't I convince my OCD brain of this. I'm *fine* most of the time. I rarely get sick. I am allergic to a lot of things, but that's different. I work out, I'm high energy in general, but when I get sick, I fall apart emotionally and just feel like disappearing. I'm so scared. It gets like before I got treatment when I lived in constant unrelenting fear. I hate it. Back then I couldn't say the words of HIV/AIDS or similar illness, or look at the words, or type them or anything. When I get a cold or flu, it's almost as bad all over again. I *know* it's irrational. I know it doesn't make sense. I'm also terrified of other diseases, so it's not even just one in particular. Anyone have any encouraging words or tips on coping. I know it's just me being crazy, but I can't help it.