My sister was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 11, it started with the contamination, and she went through the whole pure-o traits.
She has been in and out with psychiatrist and on medication as well, but nothing has worked.
For the past 2-3 years she has been home bound and today she says that she no longer has OCD as she does not have the regular pure-o traits anymore. However, for the past 2 years she has been obsessing over her weight and she slipped into an eating disorder. She has been in an out of diets, with no success what so ever. She has been trying to loose weight for about 2 years.She has deteriorated to a very sad state now, crying all the time.
I have been speaking to her about getting therapy, but she feels that it will not help because she no longer has OCD.
She wrote me a letter while ago, does anyone relate to the below; BUt i do because no one is listening to me and what i am feeling. I read the testimonials from the OCd centre but i cannot relate to them in any way. Sometimes i feel like i'm being forced to admit to something i know i am not and because of my self doubting nature i may well do this. I may well make myself believe that i have OCD just because other people are telling me i do. I acknowledge that the underlying source of my problem may be OCD but from all the testimonies i read nobody expresses what i am currently feeling : confusion, a sense of loss in the world, a lack of purposeness, a fear of life and its challenges, a severe lack of self worth, i'm not good enough if i'm not a high achiever, fluctuations of mood, no reason to live, if i cannot control my physical being i am not in control of anything else, the need to make sense of everythign that i and others do, a lack of self ie not knowing who or what i stand for, inability to express myself freely cause it's because almost natural for me to be depress, a longing to be free and comfortable in my own skin, feel my mind is slipping away from me cause i cannot grasp things easily and express them, i keep forgetting what i just read cause there's not concentration power, i need answers to why things went like this for me, am i to blame, where did i go wrong, is this God's hand, is it mine, i feel no peace, i want to be good yet i want to enjoy life - is this bad, i want to do things for humanity yet i want to indulge my little interests - is this worng. Pasiha, my mind is in a state of utter confusion and i wish sometimes i could jsut get cancer and die cause then at least the pain in physically manifestated. People can clearly see it and undersatnd it. I can clearly see and understand and feel it. I would not have to feel guilty about having brought it upon mysellf. I iwhs i could go to a place where i could rebuild myself from scratch and find a purpose in this place. I don't know, maybe even that i wrong.
Just yesterday she tried to slash her wrist again, now she thinks that she might be sufferring from Body Dismorphic Disorder.I had to gently take the knife away from her.She is refusing the get help because she says that nothing will work. I am trying relentlessly to talk to her, but she adamant on her belief that she no longer has OCD, and even if she has anything else, she cannot leave her room until she looses the weight she wants too.The sad part is, she has been trying to loose this weight for 2 YEARS....she has been in her room and home bound, not meeting ANYONE for 2 years.....I need to find someone who can indentify with her...
Does anyone identify with having a history of OCD and now in a her situation?