I've OCD,mostly obsessions. In the last 2 years I've obsessed about my worse fear, which is schizophrenia, and challenged myself into thinking crazy thoughts and pretending that I believe them, and by believing them they'll make me a full fledged psychotic...my last "creation" is: "what if all people are aliens and it's all a big plot?", of course I know this is a stupid and crazy thought, but then I freak out for 2 reasons:
1- I fear that I am or I'm going to believe it even if I don't (I hope)
2- I search on the net for other anxiety or OCD people with similar thoughts and I find none...of course I instead find psychotics who think that their mothers are aliens and want to vaporize them...
Are these delusions?Or hopefully the same absurd OCD thoughts that take the form I fear the most?
hello all, yes, i can totally relate to what you are saying. noone could seem to understand that i was not worried about actually committing the act or doing anything of which i had these compulsive thoughts, but the worry about HAVING them was what ate at me the most. and the more i worried i would have them, the more they would come. Mine started as some of you know this time last year when i watched the movie"the exorcist" around halloween. i then became convinced that i was going to become possessed and i began to have very intrusive thoughts. thoughts about molesting a child, and thoughts of killing people, primarily my boyfriend, which made no sense because at that time we had a very loving relationship. I began to worry if these thoughts were real, and yes there was even a period of time where i convinced myself that i was schizophrenic. i even questioned if i heard voices or not. i woudl read in the DSMIV to make sure i didnt have it, or convince myself that i did. I was ABSOLUTLY miserable. It then turned into starting to have doubts about my boyfriend and my love for him. because i rationalized, well, if i am haiving thoughts about killing this person, maybe i dont love him? then it turned into a whole other story about relatioship ocd that i think is under control. however, as you well know, when one area dies down another flares up . Since it is coming on a year now since i have had this, i am starting to worry about it coming back. WORRYING ABOUT HAVING THE THOUGHTS. thats what the mind is preoccupied with. because the thoughts are so scary. I would recommend therapy to everyone. it is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. it takes time to find a good therapist, but it helps to have that outlet, because professionals understand this disease. however, i could use some support here because i am nervous that these thoughts are going to come back. i hope and pray that they dont but already i am startng to worry. hang in there all of you. its tough and not many people understand or relate. it can make life miserable, but have hope, and pray.
I have the same thoughts regarding schizophrenia. It's horrible and constant and nothing seems to take it away. I also had strange fears about killing my family and my boyfriend. I think that I think the worst possible thoughts a person can, just to see if my mind can handle it. It's a vicious cycle. I just tell myself the thoughts are ridiculous and try to think about something else. It helps for the most part, except for at night when I'm in bed.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Yeah, I do. We're fine. The thoughts are just part of the OCD. I have a really good friend of mine who goes through the same thing, so we're always talking about it. It makes me feel better to have someone around who knows exactly what I'm going through. I know I would never hurt anyone, it's like I said, I just try to scare myself in the worst possible way.
I've also talked to many therapists about it, because it scares the crap out of me, and they always tell me the same thing. That it's just obsessive thoughts that I need to learn how to let go of. I haven't figured out how to do that yet. I just try to fill my self with as many activities as possible.
And, the main thing is, I'm afraid that I'm going to sleep walk and hurt someone in my sleep. That's why it usually involves my boyfriend.
"i am starting to worry about it coming back. WORRYING ABOUT HAVING THE THOUGHTS. thats what the mind is preoccupied with."
You might think about an anti-anxiety regimine of some kind. The contiuous fear of the thoughts coming back is typical of an anxiety or panic disorder. But seeing as how you have a DSM, I guess you already have an idea. Having those kind of thoughts is borderline normal, I'd say...so long as they stay just that...thoughts. Fantasizing can help you in various ways. The best of which is by preparing you for for future events. I sometimes fantasize about being involved in an accident or shooting of some kind (me being the victim or a bystander). It's mental exercise in preparedness. Just some food for thought.
Last edited by disastermgmt; 10-20-2004 at 10:44 PM.
I have a lot of irrational thoughts as well. So far I have only been diagnosed with GAD. I haven't really been able to tell my therapist about my weird and scary thoughts yet, just the regular anxiety ones. But I am extremely obsessional in my thinking, sometimes I will worry about things for weeks or months at a time. Since April I have convinced myself I had Aids, heart attacks, blood clots, and schizophrenia. I also have bad thoughts, that I will hurt those I love. It makes me want to throw up when I have these thoughts, I don't understand how they can just pop into my head like this.
I also get frightened by things that normally wouldn't be scary. Last Dec. I was afraid of trees for about 2 weeks. When i write that it seems so weird, but last winter when the trees were bare, I was leaving work and my anxiety was really bad, I looked at a bare tree on the way to my car and it scared me and made me feel very odd. I would look at my dog in this same time period and I would be frightened by him, and his teeth seemed scary to me, even though he's the least threatening dog I know.
What's wrong with me? I am very scared and the world around me doesn't seem real sometimes, like I am living in a dreamworld. I am not on any medication right now, my doctor said he might put me on some eventually. Does anyone have similar fears?
As the saying goes "If I know I'm going crazy, I must NOT be insane."
You're not becoming schizophrenic----if you were then you wouldn't be aware of it.
It's an ocd thought.
Ocd thoughts are tricky, so if there's any doubt at to whether or not it's ocd, then it's best to assume it's ocd talking and to try to refocus or at least take comfort in 'knowing' that it's just another obsession.
I've found that if you, at the very least, can recognize and label an ocd thought it helps alot.
Your rational mind, if kept at a distance so that it can 'view' the ocd obsession at a distance (the impartial spectator) will help you cope.....and the better you can view an obsession in this way, the better you can get through it or even avoid it.
The toughest part is getting out of an obsessive thought pattern. Being able to recognize and anticipate an obsession before it is able to send you pummeling into a rut is the key.
I know, it's easier said than done..but it can be done.
i am completely freaked out. I am scared that i am going to become posessed by the devil. this is my worry and this is what my anxiety started out with. Last year when i watched "the exorcist" if reaked out about this. i have always had a fear of this and i am a very religious person. It makes me so scared and i dont want to go through what i went through last year. Im just so scared.
Does anyone notice that their OCD and anxiety get bad this time of year? My worst months are between September and November, which really sucks for me because I love fall. I have a close girlfriend who has very bad OCD, and she gets worse around these months as well.
Just wondering if anyone else went through that.
And, Luckygirl8, I get scared of things for no reason either. Sometimes I'll just be sitting somewhere and get scared. Last year I had some weird thing were I didn't like to look at red cars. It was very strange.
Good news today...I went to the psychiatrist and told her my irrational thoughts and fear of psychosis...she said that I cannot be psychotic because:
1- I've not a "psychotic structure"
2- She has never seen a psychotic "auto-diagnosing" himself, usually the first ones that see there's something wrong are his parents.
3- Psychotic people, unless they take meds and manage their disorder, have a hard time describing exactly how they feel and what is happening to them.
4- When I'm REALLY occupied with something else (dancing at the disco, for example) I don't think about crazy thoughts, or I don't care even if I think them. Psychosis is not something that you can simply push away by distracting yourself.
5- I've a job, a girlfriend and I study at the university...for a psychotic, without meds, it's impossible to do well with these things.
She has extensive experience (20 years) with psychotic people so her advice is very reliable...hope this helps, guys