Girl Obsession.. maybe this dosent go here? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Aehs · 11-07-2004, 08:58 PM

Ok this may go in multiple category's but i'll post it anyways. I've been suffering with relationship problems as long as I can remember back to middle school.. i've always been shy and had alot of trouble talking to people I don't know.. I've developed a pattern where my life is totally focused on girls no joke.. almost everything I do is for women. For the past year i've been trying to get into better shape, eat better, i've gone to extreme's such as buying a book for 100$ that tells me how to get any women I want, buying a bottle of Phermones cologne for 50$ thats about the size of someones thumb..

I have an extreme fear of meeting girls in person, i've never dated a girl that I havent met off the internet.. or at least I used the internet to make things happen.. I lost my virginity to a girl I found on a journal website.. its extremly hard for me at college.. I have very odd goals.. most guys look for sex but Its as if i'm looking for some sort of feeling or something.. i've almost made it a hobby searching on online dating websites and rating sites with pictures. I've met over 20 girls through the internet and learned alot from my past now that i'm in college.. I know what I do wrong most of the time but girls continue to treat me horribly and give me problems.. I've been blown off more times then you can count and cryed enough over to many girls because of the stupid things they did to me. I could write a book about these girls.. my friends don't understand me or whats wrong with me.. my main focus in life seems to be women and it won't stop.. if I don't have a girlfriend i'm always looking always persisting trying to get one.. but i'm picky at the same time.. i'm not looking for an ugly boring girl.. I still look for all the good stuff.. personality, looks etc about women but I always end up hurting myself emtoinally so much so it dosent even hurt anymore when they blow me off like i'm nothing. I'm thinking I could have social anxiety problems.. I sometimes will see a girl just watch them and dream about them like so much so it hurts.. so much I can't concentrate in class or do anything.. day after day wishing I could just say hi or do something to intiate conversation.. sometimes I do but very rarely with most every girl I think of like this. I want to have other priority's in life but this seems to be my only main priority... it takes over everything.. school, work, my family, my friends.. girls are more of a priority to me over anything but I don't know why???? anyone have any help on this? Sorry this is all very unorganized, I just thought of what I could and put it in this post.. i'm sure I could write more but i'd like to see the responses.

Frank168 · 11-11-2004, 12:36 PM

It doesn't really sound like you have OCD that's only when you obsess over something(s) and the thoughts you have give you anxiety and you have compulsions to ease yourself of these fears. It sounds like you are obsessive over girls but don't get scared of the idea or thought of liking girls. So I wouldn't say it's OCD. maybe obsessive personality disorder??? Lots of folks on here post things thinking it's ocd when it's more like obsessive personality problems. For me I was always obsessive over one thing or another in my life. OCD cropped up later but I was and always will be obsessive in my thought patterns. Lots of guys obsess over women, haven't you heard or read things like guys think about sex every few mins or something like that? Most of the guys who love porn and go to 'rate this chick' kind of sites are normal guys. Your problem with thinking and obsessing over girls might be your social anxiety issues. Social anxiety makes you have low self esteem afraid to talk to people afraid that you'll not know how to act, believe you are undesirable company etc... Having low self esteem makes you scared to ask girls out and even if you get them to go out with your personality makes you behave in ways that turn women off. The harder you try to make pretty girls attracted to you if they're not the more desperate you get the more desperate you get the worse you'll seem to them.

With the internet we can get all sorts of access nowadays to porn/dating sites/rate me sites/and chat rooms where we can make up these fake identities to hide behind and so we can be fooled to think this can somehow translate to our real life relationships. It doesn't though and can't. The way you stop obessing the way you are, is to get some help to build your self esteem and social skills. Maybe do something you can be proud of and work hard at it, i.e. focus on your job, school, hobbies.. etc.. Even if you say you're searching for a feeling and focus on girls I think it's more a matter of you need that FEELING for something in life and girls happen to be the convenient thing to get locked onto. You need to get excited and get a feeling but it's probably more about something missing in your life like direction or belief in something. You need to work on yourself before looking for something outside like hawt chicks to get you satisfied. Get involved in some activities and get good at them and get your social skills up by talking to folks. You just have to do it to get over it. No other way around that. I used to be totally scared to talk on the phone if I know people are listening. Then I took a telephone support job and all I do is that! A year or two later I was no longer afraid of it. So just go out there and get some interests get good at it and talk to others who like the things you like in real life. You will up your esteem levels that way. Once you get your esteem and social skills go up the pretty girls will start coming to you even if you don't look like Brad Pitt or something. Then you can start a real relationship with a real girl without sabottaging it with your self esteem and insecurity issues. Good luck to you!

Frank