Bf with ocd-our relationship is being ruined! Help - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

jenna267 · 11-13-2004, 04:56 PM

My bf has many obsessive problems, including physical (showering too much), and psychological (all kinds of thoughts over and over). One of his thoughts involves something from my past that has nothing to do with him, but involves someone thats he sort of knows. He says he thinks about it non stop and he can picture me in the situation and he cant get the thoughts out of his head, they never go away. Things will be so good with us, but then he will be overwhelemed by thoughts and we will have a huge fight, and sometimes break up. I love him very much, and he loves me too, but these thoughts are ruining his life. If it wasn't my situation he was thinking about, it would be something else, and his thoughts are putting strain on all of his relationships, including friends and family. He pushes everyone away to try to escape the misery of having so many of the same thoughts over and over in his head. He has done this in past realtionships too. He has gone to a councellor, who couldn't help him. He has also gone to a doctor, but can't see a psychiatrist for at least 8 months! The doctor has him on antidepressents that do nothing. He is losing faith in everything, and is suffering so much. Is there anything I can do, or does anyone know anything that could help! Thanks Jenna

Smartcookie · 11-13-2004, 09:57 PM

If its any consolation, I too think i am ruining my relationship with my hubby ( i obsess over some things he did in his past too, before he and i met) and its something that even though he hates when i bring it up over and over, he knows that every single time i let out my frustration, that it helps that much more.
I must've talked about these things a gazillion times......and i still feel the need to bring it up during our fights. I think to a degree i am obsessed with these things he did, but if i opress these thoughts and pretend they dont bother me, our relationship would definatey be down the tubes. If i didnt say anything, (which is impossible for me) i would eventually being to loathe him as a person. At least i know that my husband KNOWS its b/c my feelings are hurt and there are some things i just cant get over, so he knows this isnt something i do to get his attention, or to have drama in our lives, its just, these things he did before he met me, have really screwed up my overall view of him, and to me, they are disturbing.
Although i love him and plan to spend the rest of my life with him, sometimes i cant get past what he did. Nonetheless, we try to talk it out,cry it out,or shout it out, as long as we constantly express eachothers feelings. After hours of crying, shouting, or worse,bouts of not talking, we both realize we are not there to hurt eachother, but, we both understand that I have a problem just "putting it behind me"....so, he tries to be as understanding as poissible. Thats not to say that he hasnt freaked out and told me never to bring it up again, but, it always goes back to " I understand you arent doing this on purpose and somehow we will work thru this"..................
So, i hope i made sense in all my babble, if i didnt, what i am trying to say is, that, if your boyfriend is worth it to you, stick with him and let him talk as much as he wants, but rationalize his thoughts and feelings, analyze what bothers him so much and why, over and over. It might seem redundant, but thats what it takes.
I think I am getting better (this is almost 5 years now with my situation--i was at my worst 2 years ago).
I wish you well and let me know what happens. Good luck.

mike81 · 11-14-2004, 08:09 AM

I'm guessing, but if I'm correct your boyfriend is obsessing over a sexual encounter you had with a person he knows. If this is the case, it seems your boyfriend is kind a jealous and/or can't accept the fact you slept with someone else.

I happen to have ocd (the obsessive sexual kind) and I can tell you it makes life a living nightmare. If the above mentioned scenario is true, it could be ocd, but judging from your story your boyfriend might have some hangups about relationships. Still though, avoidance is a clear sign of an anxiety disorder, and the high occurnce of the thoughts make ocd a viable option. I think it comes down to the following; does your partner have real hangups about past relantionships of his partners?

Anyway, how long has this been going on? a few weeks, or months? I think many people (me included) at some point can have a hangup about a previous relationship of a partner. some more information might make the problem more clear.

Smartcookie · 11-15-2004, 06:20 PM

Jenna where are you? I hope you can update us on your b/f's situation?