so scared - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

flossie22 · 11-15-2004, 10:48 AM

please read my latest response to the "do i have obsessional ocd" thread. I am having such a bad day today feelingas if i will become crazy. please someone. help me to see this is ocd.

IFidget · 11-15-2004, 11:32 AM

Hi Flossie,

First, let me tell you that this is certainly OCD. You're not crazy. You're not a bad person. You're having a mental hiccup. You're not alone, even though it probably feels like you are very much alone.

The only "cure" for OCD is to accept, somehow, that the thoughts you are having are not rational and that you don't need to pay attention to them. I have been suffering from HOCD for some time and realized that the only thing that makes the anxiety fade a little is when I tell myself, "It's OCD. Don't analyze it!" whenever a disturbing thought comes into my head. Do NOT feed the OCD by ruminating about your obsession. Do NOT try to talk yourself out of your obsession. Doing so only reinforces the thought. It may sound incredibly difficult, even impossible, but if you are able to eventually laugh at your obsession and dismiss it without ruminating, the thoughts will eventually go away. Start small though. Don't think that you'll be able to just dismiss the thoughts entirely from the get-go. Instead, today, right now, when you have a disturbing thought, try letting it pass through your mind without trying to "figure it out." Have the thought and let it go. Resist the urge to think about it. Resist the urge to determine whether it is OCD or if you're really a psychopath. I and everyone else on this board am telling you right now that it's OCD. But you will never, ever be able to convince yourself totally of that. (That's what OCD is all about!) And asking for reassurance from others is only a short-term fix. It actually can make the OCD much worse because you'll always doubt what people say to you. You'll always look for exceptions.

So let it go. Live with the uncertainty that you can't know for sure. I can know for sure that you have OCD (and from reading your posts, I'm sure). But you can never know for yourself. Live with that uncertainty and I promise you, the thoughts will eventually let up.

Be kind to yourself. You have a lot of support from those on this board. Hang in there. You're not alone!!!!

Kathrin74 · 11-15-2004, 03:57 PM

Dear Flossie,

I just read your reply to the other post. I can so relate to your fears. OCD thoughts can become so "real", take up every space in our brains and trick us (as you well say) into believing they are fact... And the fear just becomes overwhelming. I have been there, my thoughts/obsessions were a little different, but just reading your post made me think back to that fear and somehow feel it again... and my message to you is this: YOU ARE OK. YOU ARE NOT A PSYCHOPATH. THOSE THOUGHTS ARE TYPICAL OCD!!

And see, OCD is such a monster, it will choose the kind of thoughts to torture you with that it "knows" will scare you the most. (For example, a very religious person might have blasphemous obsessional thoughts, or somebody who would never discriminate against anybody would suddenly have "racist" thoughts, or a loving mother suddenly has obsessional thoughts about hurting her baby...) And the OCD monster can be very smart, can come up with an answer for everything sometimes it seems (like you say: "Neither do I" (know what is good and bad)). But really, the OCD is tricking you. Of course you know the difference between good and evil! The fact that the "evil" thoughts scare you is proof enough for that, isn't it?

Having OCD, for you, means also this: You are not an evil person. You ahve an illness (OCD). The thoughts you describe are not your thoughts, they are OCD thoughts. Obsessions. They don't mean you are bad, or that you are going insane. OCD differs from psychosis in that the OCD-sufferer doesn't really lose touch with reality, and somehow somehwere feels that the fears are irrational... and wants to get rid of the fear, but it just gets stronger.

I am glad you came to this board. We need to support one another. I hope you can find some relief.

Kathrin

flossie22 · 11-16-2004, 06:44 AM

Thank you all foryour support. i cannot even tell you. there are not many people i can talk to about this. i went on line yesterday and had myself convinced that i was a secondary psychopath, because they do feel remorse and guilt. you are right. it is a tricky thing. it makes you believe things are true. i hate it. I guess we just have to support each other. thank you from the bottom of my heart. not many people understand and i dotn know how to explain it to them.

Kathrin74 · 11-16-2004, 11:43 AM

Flossie,

I truly believe that if I can just help one person, like you, by telling them about my own experience, my suffering has been worth it.

Kathrin