SarangHae

Um .. by saying "type", I don't mean wat kinda ocd you have. I mean the torture the ocd give you. I dont know if its just me or wat, but I notice since the day I have OCD, its tortures are different sometimes.

There are like times I just have this unwanted image/person/event that keeps popping up in my head that I cringe and have to scream stop it out loud to stop the thought, or image a picture in my head to get rid of the image such as imaging myself in a house w/ no door, wrapping up myself like a mummy, or having a big rock falling on me. (If you notice you can tell out these images I try to think are to prevent the thoughts to touch me).

Then, when the unwanted images go away, thoughts/questions replace. Questions like "am i gay? am i a child molest? do i believe in god". I just feel completely depressed and feel like I am when i ask myself those question. I mean, I just simply tell myself that I am what I'm not and dont want to. With HOCD, I jsut feel like I'm gay then I get anxious and I ask myself why is dat, i'm not why I say I am. And you feel like ur in denial and feel like u dont have ocd.

I think there is more, but somehow i can't remember. But those two are the ones I experience the most. They usually dont take place at the same time. Thats why when I was tortured by the first one, I usually told myself the second one is better cuz I'm just depressed but have no stupid image in my head. But then when I'm w/ the second one, I feel like the first one is less servere cuz .. its simply just the image and it doens't make u feel all depressed and stuff. But yeah, the one ur having is always the worst. Its just sumthing i want to say.

Can someone relate to that? or is it just me?