I think I may have OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

fallen_5555 · 11-25-2004, 06:25 PM

Hi everyone, As the title says I think I may have OCD. I'm not sure where to begin I guess I will start from the Begining. I'm a 16 year old male from Ontario Canada and I have been thinking about this for quite some time. I'm constantly worried about saying stupid thinks like "if you dont agree with me then burn in hell" or "I hope everyone you care about feels pain" Of course I wouldn't say these things to anybody but I keep saying them in my head thinking what if I accidently say it? I keep thinking about hurting people, or myself, well they are just thoughts but of course I won't act on them. Today walking home from school I was walking with a friend and I kept thinking horrible thoughts about causing bodily harm to her like tripping her or hitting her. I mean of course she is my friend and I wouldn't do horrible things like that, but it really bothered me how I was thinking such things. I feel as though it is getting much worse its almost if the time I think about inappropriate thoughts has doubled. I keep thinking about making mistakes, like what if I phone the universities and tell them that their school sucks or that I would rather die then attend their institution or their school is a joke even for backup school. I'm only in 11th grade and I spend about 7 hours a week just looking at the universities admission requirements. I keep having troubling images that I cant seem to get out of head, sometimes I say outloud stop being stupid or you just think you have OCD.

I wish that I could just stop all of this. I'm not overly worried about germs or keeping things in their correct place
I just worry about stupid things like holding onto a glass to tightly and having it shatter in my hand but at the same time a part of me wants to squeeze that glass. I don't know what to do... Maybe some of these thoughts are normal and I just think I have it from hearing so much about it but I feel like these thoughts are consuming me. I live with two great parents life is good no family/money problems I'm perfectly happy its just that I don't know why I keep getting these thoughts. I can't really express in words how I'm feeling its just stressful worrying and such. Will these problems go away???? I really hope they are just a phase in my life.

Marrisa · 11-26-2004, 04:02 PM

Hey fallen. It sounds like it may be ocd. Of course, talking to a therapist or doctor is the only way to know for sure. I go through spurts where I think terrible things and then worry that they will come true and play it over and over in my head. It's awful. I will worry that I'll hurt someone or do something really disgusting and it won't go away. You aren't alone!
Marrisa

judythemom · 11-26-2004, 07:13 PM

This is the way my son's OCD started when he was around 10 years old. He has done well on medication and it was such a relief to him when he was diagnosed and had "a pill" he could take that would help. It has been a life saver (Zoloft at first-then prozac) . He is having problems again however. I would suggest going to a doctor. I'll pray for you.

Mom

fm5 · 11-30-2004, 01:12 PM

Hi Fallen! It does sound like you have o.c.d. Try and read all you can on o.c.d., and try and get to see a therapist who specializes in o.c.d. They can work one on one with you.

To tell you how common "violent" thoughts are among o.c.d.'ers, I have probably pasted this post about 10 times already.

Taken from "violent obsessions" thread:

There is a particular case in Edna Foa's book "Stop Obsessing" about a guy who had these thoughts regarding his daughter. Get the book and read it!

What Edna Foa suggests is to actually picture the outcome of your actions in your mind. An example would be:

I am now in the Courtroom. Everyone I know is staring at me horribly. My family thinks I am a dirtbag for doing this. I have alienated all of my family and friends forever. It is now in all of the newspapers and everyone knows about what I did. I will go to jail where I will be by all alone and where I will probably be abused. I will then go to hell where I will be tortured forever, etc.

Go into all the horrid details of what would happen to you - this is important. I only wrote a few sentences. You can write paragraphs! Write them down or Record it. (The more details the better believe it or not.) GO OVER AND OVER WHAT YOU WROTE/RECORDED AGAIN AND AGAIN. You will soon see how totally absurd these thoughts truly are and they will lose their sting on you. Do this everyday for a couple weeks or months (however long it takes for the obsession to fade.) If the obsession comes back, do this exercise over again

jianlian · 12-05-2004, 05:33 PM

i've gone through much similar things. I too always got images and thoughts about harming my friends/family. Then I always tried to "reason" with myself that I wasnt that kind of person and then try to convince myself until the thought went away (or I just got too mentally tired). Of course later on this thought would always come back, and the same thing would just repeat itself.

Your problem sure sounds like OCD, even though you mentioned you do not worry about germs or keeping things in order. It sounds like these things are really bothering you otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. If that is the case it may be best to see a therapist (one who understands OCD). Of course that is easier said than done as I have not gotten the courage in many years to go see one.