It sounds very much like OCD.
The disturbing thoughts are your obsessions, and the crossing yourself and praying is the compulsion.
Nothing against praying, I pray too (plus I am a vegetarian as well, just out of conviction
)... but there is a difference between "real" praying and "OCD praying". OCD praying doesn't feel good, now does it? It feels like "I HAVE TO pray, or else....". Which is not the purpose of praying.
With OCD, it's like this: Every time you do the ritual, it strengthens the OCD. Every time you can resist the ritual, it weakens the OCD.
I very much suggest that you try and find a therapist to work with. If that is not possible, maybe read the book "Brain Lock", it gives you some practical advice on how to handle thoughts like that. The most important thing to keep in mind is: Those disturbing thoughts do not mean that you are a bad person. They are just a malfunctioning in your brain - your brain gets "stuck" on them. My guess is that you love animals very much and would never want to hurt ne.
You do NOT have to perform any rituals when you get thoughts like that. Those thoughts you can just let flow through. They can come and go... just let them pass. Don't do anything, don't cross yourself, just tell yourself: "Oh, another OCD thought, my brain must be hiccuping again!"
Let us know how you are doing ok? And remember you are not alone. If we can be of any support again let us know!
Kathrin
Ocd? 
Linear Mode
