Need advice...horrifying and distressing situation... - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Meta_morphosis · 02-21-2005, 01:09 PM

I have visited here before, and this board has been very helpful to me. I diagnosed myself with OCD after around August I started having really bad attacks. I do not know how much I can relate to people who have had thoughts of killing those they love and other disturbing, very distressing thoughts, because I don't know how different my case is. It started after I got done watching 2 documentaries on serial killers, and all of a sudden my mind was bombarded with horrible thoughts of taking a knife and stabbing my neice while she slept, and it was so horribly scary and painful. I don't know what it is, but I felt almost something like an urge to go over and get a knife...but I would never do such a thing, but it is more than just thoughts, it is like something telling me "it is so easy to do it" (I don't audibly hear voices, by the way). The thing that worries me the most is that beyond all the paralyzing fear of these thoughts and how terrible they are to me, that a part of me actually wants to, and sometimes when it gets bad I keep thinking about doing it over and over again just to see whether I would actually enjoy it or would want to do it...and it scares me badly. I just do not know sometimes, I know it is OCD, but it just seems to be more than just thoughts and fear associated with it, it is also a compulsive urge, which scares me to think I'd ever act upon. Sorry to be so graphic, but I need some input, and I plan to find a Christian therapist whom I can trust to help me out. Thank you all for listening.

bm28 · 02-21-2005, 01:59 PM

Those types of thoughts are "perfectly normal OCD" thoughts. I would assume that all of us have had those.

Rark · 02-21-2005, 11:04 PM

The fact that you're racked with such guilt shows how INCAPABLE you are of such actions.

I used to get like that, but slowly learned that they were just odd thoughts that MANY people get. I still get them fairly often and just brush them off as midly humorous that it would even have.

Because you have such an aversion to these thoughts and you probably try and force them away, they become stimulating to your brain and are that much ahrder to keep away. Futhermore, they also become so strong that your muscles seem like they're tensed and ready to perform the action. But don't worry--YOU WON'T. It happens to a lot of people. Just make sure from now on you ALLOW the thought, let it flow through instead of pushing against it or adhering to it, and try to realize that having a thought is nowhere near the same thing as perfoming or even being CAPABLE of performing it.

Good luck!

leonna · 02-22-2005, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meta_morphosis

I have visited here before, and this board has been very helpful to me. I diagnosed myself with OCD after around August I started having really bad attacks. I do not know how much I can relate to people who have had thoughts of killing those they love and other disturbing, very distressing thoughts, because I don't know how different my case is. It started after I got done watching 2 documentaries on serial killers, and all of a sudden my mind was bombarded with horrible thoughts of taking a knife and stabbing my neice while she slept, and it was so horribly scary and painful. I don't know what it is, but I felt almost something like an urge to go over and get a knife...but I would never do such a thing, but it is more than just thoughts, it is like something telling me "it is so easy to do it" (I don't audibly hear voices, by the way). The thing that worries me the most is that beyond all the paralyzing fear of these thoughts and how terrible they are to me, that a part of me actually wants to, and sometimes when it gets bad I keep thinking about doing it over and over again just to see whether I would actually enjoy it or would want to do it...and it scares me badly. I just do not know sometimes, I know it is OCD, but it just seems to be more than just thoughts and fear associated with it, it is also a compulsive urge, which scares me to think I'd ever act upon. Sorry to be so graphic, but I need some input, and I plan to find a Christian therapist whom I can trust to help me out. Thank you all for listening.

Oh my god,i know JUST how you feel,seriously.
i have such nasty,horrible,unbearable thought's! and i cant cope with them,i hardly go out,incase i have these thoughts.and incase i act on them *Which,deep down i know i wont!..but,as i type that,something inside me says 'but what if you do?*
It makes me feel sick. i know how you feel,i seriously do.
you have a much better way of putting things into word's then i do tho.
i cant even watch films with violance in,or the news,or anything about murders,'cos i worry for days,incase i do the same as these people are doing.
every 3 days is a new worry 2 me,well..no,every day! most of them are morbid,like your's. and its so nasty,i want to get rid of them but i cant.
its like im trapped. and,i think about killing myself *WHICH i never would,but,when you have these thoughts u think about the fact that you would rather be dead then hurt anyone*
but,its just so nasty,and it hurts so much when you get these nasty thoughts in your head,i know. you feel like you cant breath,that you have to go away from everyone,and try to get rid of them.
but,it never works

not for me anyway.

kiehn · 02-22-2005, 06:42 AM

Those who made comment to the fact that your are ridden with guilt and discusted by the thought only proves your true intentions. These are thoughts and as someone else suggested just let me flow thru. This may sound funny and you can laugh because it's what I do. You probably arent old enough to remember the cartoons
where a little devil stood on one shoulder whispering mean nasty thoughts and on the other shoulder was a little angel whispering just the oposite sweet kind thoughts.
Whenever I have some of these thoughts that's the first thing that comes to mind, I laugh to myself and yes I have even virutally flicked that little devil off my shoulder. Seriously some of the books on OCD recomend desenitizing yourself to such thoughts, by thinking the thought over and over until your so tired of hearing it, it means nothing, because it's just a thought. A stupid one but just an unwanted thought. Hang in there and take control. You'll beat this, K