How can I make my Hubby understand?? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

worried_mommy · 02-24-2005, 07:05 AM

I don't usually post on these boards but I really need to vent :P. I have OCD. I was DX'd when I was 8 y/o. I have many complusions....too many to list. I was on Effexor at one point in time, but I weened myself off of them and have been off them for 2 years now.

Last night I said something about my hands being all cracked and bleeding (from compulsively handwashing) something along the lines of I needed to get something for them. My Hubby said, very confrontational btw, why don't you just stop washing them so much. In which I responded, "If it were just that simple don't you think I would have stopped long before I ever needed you to point that out to me?" He told me that I do not have OCD, that people with OCD hoard, which I do not.( Actually I have the opposit problem, I throw everything out :P. ) And that my compulsions are all in my head and I can just stop whenever I feel like it. Well thank you Dr. (insert expletive here). Now you can go tell every Dr., Councelor, Shrink, that told me I did that YOU said I don't, and that everything is better now.

I know I over reacted, but this is something that effects every minute of everyday of my life. I don't like being this way. I don't like having to wipe down the counter that I JUST cleaned because someone put their bag on it. I don't like having to close a cupboard right behind some who left it open, knowing they are going to get angry for me doing it. I don't like not being able to watch movies with my family because it's too LOUD.

I was actually thinking about going back on the effexor, because the compulsions are taking over again.Though now I guess according to Hubby I don't have OCD so how would I ever bring up? How can I make him understand??? Someone please help, I'm going insane!!

sjd1654 · 02-24-2005, 08:04 AM

Just wondering how supportive your husband is? My husband is very supportive of everything I try to do for my OCD. I don't have much luck with anything though. Meds help very minimally. For me, the Beharioral therapy just is sooo hard. I end up giving up. I have been continuing to try on my own lately without the therapist.

Anyway, I'm sure he must realize there is some problem you have. Sometimes, it is just as frustrating for the spouse as it is for the person with the OCD. Obviously, he doesn't completey understand OCD and it's many, many forms. Will he read a book? My husband likes to read. Or there are videos at some libraries available. Can you get a family appt. with your Dr.?

Just a few suggestions. I know how difficult it can be for the entire family!

worried_mommy · 02-24-2005, 08:33 AM

He is supportive in every other aspect of my life execpt this. He feels this is something I can just "get over". I know this must be hard on him also, another reason why you would think he would want to help me to get better. I just feel like I can't go and get help because he doesn't feel that I need it. The effexor helped me a lot, it just kept my mind off things, but the side effects were not so great. I just feel if I could go back on the meds long enough to break the cycle then I could keep it up as I went of the meds again. You know what I mean? It's so hard to explain lol.

He's not a big reader, but I'm sure I could ask him to check out a book. It might help a lot actually. I just wish he could get in my head for one day and understand that I can't just stop.

shortygal99 · 02-24-2005, 08:58 AM

Sorry to hear your hubby feels that way. Some people just don't get it. I have never been diagnosed officially for OCD, but I'm quite certain I have it. Mainly, I do lots of checking of things, and have certain "quirky" behaviors I never realized was OCD related...ie: issues with good and bad numbers, the need to even things out, and more that I won't list lol. I had began reading online about OCD, and told my hubby I felt it could be possible I have it. He sort of laughed it off saying, you don't have that, people with OCD act much differently. So I dismissed it. A few months later, I again was reading up and seeing how much of the symptoms were totally me, as if I had written them. Also coming here and talking to people, only confirmed what I had been feeling, and everyone here is great by the way.

It took me actually reading OCD information from websites aloud to him and making him look, to get him to come to the conclusion that maybe I wasn't being silly, and that I have it. Maybe you can do the same with your husband, I'm sure there are plenty of great books out there. But in the mean time, there is a bunch of information on OCD right at your fingertips online. Maybe after seeing the information from various places, and if you read to him he will get it more.

As far as meds go, I've never taken any, so I can't comment too much on that. But if the side effects are bearable, and the benefit outweighs the side effects, I would give them a shot again. Hang in there, and hopefully with some time and info your hub will come around!

lachesis · 02-24-2005, 01:00 PM

what i've found is sometimes when people love me, they don't want to acknowledge that there is anything that is hurting me because that hurts them and also makes them feel helpfless to do anything about it. it's horrible to have someone tell you that you don't have a certain issue and you should just basically get over something, so i definately empathize. if he's open to it, going to a therapist together who will better explain OCD to him could be very helpful.