jpye

I think I may have OCD. I've always had obsessions and whatnot.

My BIGGEST problem here lately though is obsessively pee'ing. I do it a lot during the day, but the time I have the absolute most trouble with it is at night (or just whenever I'm lying down trying to go to sleep). It isn't that my bladder is full or anything like that... it's the simple fact that I cannot lay there thinking there is anything in my bladder. It has to be completely empty before I can sleep. So I'll go to the bathroom probably twice before I ever actually lay down. The first time I actually use the bathroom normally, but after that I'm just pushing and trying to get anything at all to come out, even if it's just a drop. It has to come out. A lot fo times nothing at all comes out. So after that, I lay down, but within 5 minutes I'm back in the bathroom. Sometimes I even go back again before I ever even make it back to my bed. Within the first hour of me laying in bed, I probably go to the bathroom atleast 10 times. This goes on for 2-3 hours until I finally wear myself out and fall asleep... but during the night I still wake up to pee. If I'm even slightly awake, the first thing I think of is "I have to pee!" The thing is, even though there is barely anything at all in my bladder, I do have the sensation of a full bladder (but I think that's just in my head). I go through a roll of toilet paper a night. NO JOKE. This problem keeps me from getting a good night's sleep and I always feel restless and tired.

I also have this problem if I'm watching a movie. It's usually really bad if I'm watching it with someone else though. Going to the movie theatre is almost impossible for me now. I absolutely cannot sit there with the thoughts of urine in my bladder. When I'm watching a movie with someone else, I feel trapped to sit there with them and watch it, and not be able to go to the bathroom whenever I want.

I've denied myself of going to the bathroom, but it just doesn't work. The thoughts are still there driving me crazy. I don't know what to do.

I also have other problems that lead me to think that I may have OCD. I get in these routines and if they happen to somehow get broken, I just feel like I go nuts inside. Even if my routine of doing something isn't the most efficient way of doing it that particular time/day/whatever, I will do it anyway.

And I also absolutely hate surprises. I need things to be exactly how I expect them to be, and if someone surprises me with something (whether it be a nice thing or whatever), I feel upset and angry.

I also obsess over my heart. I have chest pain a lot (I'm actually going to the doctor about it next week to try to relieve myself.. even though I've been many times before and they tell me I'm fine each time), and I obsess over the thought of my arteries clogging and stupid things like that.

I'm going crazy... someone, please help me and tell me what I can do to fix this. My mom doesn't believe me when I tell her I think I may have a real problem. Is there anything that can be done to fix this? I can't take it much longer.