i hate, hate, hate this.... - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

basal1999 · 05-28-2005, 07:11 PM

i wish i could curse on here!

intrusive thoughts and panic are really the pits!!

i wish i could just throw all these thoughts in the garbage
and be done FOREVER!! I WANT A LOBOTOMY!! (sp)

i wonder if i would be better off not having good days?..??

i do so well and then it happens AGAIN...it is such a disappointment!

i am so well versed on these subjects and when i feel good,
i know it is such a joke and then i suffer again.....UGH!!!!

i am also the first person to tell you to take your 1/2 xanex, etc..
when needed, (life is too short) but i am fighting it really bad right now...it's
like.....if i can get over so many other bumps on my own,
why not now??

this episode was also triggered by my blood sugar, i am an
insulin dependent diabetic....and i am trying to ride it out...
my sugar dropped and whenever i feel a little panicky, my
thoughts always go to my biggest panic trigger which is
harming intrusive thoughts, blah, blah, blah

i'm having that one moment good, one moment not,
i take deep breaths and am laying on my bed and
feel calm and think it's over, then i think of something
and that wave goes thru my body again and back and forth...

I HATE, HATE, HATE THIS!!!

thanks for listening!

4pbears · 06-02-2005, 08:59 PM

hi basil.

something you said struck a cord with me. you said if a may paraphrase, that you almost wish you would stay sick because you know that when you get to feel better, you know that you are going to feel bad again; that's how i feel. i love feeling good again, but i also know that i will feel bad again, so its like i almost hate feeling good again because i know that the other shoe will drop again so to speak. i just wish a would feel better and stay that way, and why at least in my case when i feel bad again, its worse than the last time i felt bad.

Dave.