Lookin4Miracles

I'm new to this board unfortunately I can not say the same about the things I suffer from. I'm 46 and have suffered from the 3 above listed disorders for approximately 9 years now. I have become quite knowledgeable about these disorders so when I think back over the course of my entire life, I realize that I have from time to time over the course of my life displayed symptoms of at least one if not all of these disorders in a very mild form before going full blown 9 years ago. Had I not been under the utmost severest of stress at the time maybe I'd still only be displaying symptoms of these disorders rather then being where I am today. I've been seeing doctors on a regular basis for pretty much the entire 9 years, and while I can not say that I am healed, cured or whatever you would like to call it, I can say that thanks to medication, my panic is for the most part under control.

My problem is the depression and the OCD. I've tried so many different meds and none of them seem to be able to control all 3 of these disorders. Right now my OCD is out of control which in turn sets off my depression. I realize that my OCD may not seem as horrid as others I have read about, but to me it is.

I need to know if there is anyone that has the same or similar symptoms as I do along with if and how they learned to overcome it.

My OCD affected my job when I was working, and now that I'm not it affects my housework. It may sound silly to some of you, but I am at my wits end here and looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. Basically, my OCD has become so intense that I can't even keep my house decent never mind clean anymore. Unlike most people who routinely dust and vacuum, I have to make things a major procedure. For instance, I can't just dust the tv without having to take Q-tips and sit there and dust every little crack. I also have to use 3 Q-tips on each and every crack. When I vacuum I move every piece of furniture away from the wall so I can vacuum along the baseboards. When taking dishes out of the dishwasher to put away, I have to go thru every dish in the cabinets to make sure that the pattern on each dish is facing the same exact way. Folding clothes...Oh Dear God...It takes me at least an hour to fold one thing. Nothing I fold ever needs ironing. People have commented on the way I fold clothes. Most people have never seen anything like it before in their life. I've been told if I were a maid, the way I fold clothes would get me a huge raise. Oh and before I can even consider folding clothes, they must be washed 3 times removing every article from the washing machine each time the cycle is completed and putting the clothes back in by person first (oldest to youngest) next in catagories (pants with pants) and lastly in alphabetical order by color. Then this system must be used to put the clothes in the dryer. If someone else in my house (my husband for example) should happen to transfer the clothes from the washer to the dryer, I have to start all over again from the very beginning.

Now while this may sound like my house is immaculate and free of germs, in reality it's become the complete opposite. My OCD has become so head pounding that it takes sooooo much time for me to work on just on thing, I could spend days dusting the tv before my OCD allows me to move on to the next thing. So the end result is I have a perfectly spotless tv, but the rest of my house is a diseaster. The more I try to clean up the more intense the OCD becomes. Eventually, I'm sooooo overwhelmed that the depression kicks in and I sleep for days on end until one day I wake and feel recharged enough to try to start the task all over again...always ending in the same results.

It has gotten sooooo bad that I don't invite people over anymore, and I pretend I'm not home if someone knocks on my door. It is becoming a very lonely and stress filled life for me.

My main concern is that I have an 11 year old son that wants friends to come over which I haven't been allowing out of embarrassment. I want so bad to allow my son to live a so called normal life, and I dread to think that he will grow up to think of me as a complete slob, and the really ironic part of this story is that my husband, who tries so hard not to be, is a slob. He came from one of the filthiest houses I had ever seen. So we are like Felix and Oscar from the Odd Couple.

Someone please help shed some light on my situation. While making this post, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the funny thing is I don't know exactly how or when my OCD became this intense.