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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 07-04-2005, 06:51 PM   #1
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disturbing visions with ocd

i know this is the doubting disease.. and i hate it.. i just recently got back on my meds hoping it will help.. along with ocd i have depression... but i have these horible visions of me slicing my wrist with a knife.. i would never do it, but the doubting disease makes me have fear i would.. same thing.. when i am driving i think about driving off the cliff.. i hate this crap it is so scary.. i want these stupid thoughts to go away.. i feel the kill any chance of having a healthy self esteem... i don't want to die.. i am so afraid.. i am going to be starting counseling on the 18th of this month.. anyone offer any words of wisdom.. or a hug?

 
Old 07-04-2005, 07:59 PM   #2
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

Huggsss.....This must be terrible. I know what you mean. I too hate this disorder and I wish these thoughts would just go away. They are very scary. You sound like a non-aggressive person that is why OCD is hitting you on this front. OCD attacks things that are important to us. I suffer from religous obsessions. Which is why OCD is attacking me on this front because religon has become important to me. I am wondering if your therapist will eventually start some type of exposure therapy. I haven't gone through this as of yet but I am anxious to because I think it could really be helpful. This is where one is exposed to the actual fear itself. I think in your case it would be helpful too if you are willing to do it. I understand it can be just as bad as the obsessions themselves but they have had good results from it or at least good enough to keep trying. That is what I have read about it and like I said I haven't gone through it yet but this might eventually be what your therapist might suggest to you. Only my opinion. Good Luck and God Bless.

 
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Old 07-05-2005, 03:56 AM   #3
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

Hey! I used to have mainly aggressive obsessions as well! Only mine were me killing other people- I didn't care about hurting myself (not that I'm suicidal, but if I hurt myself, nobody else gets hurt in the process). OCD is horrid, but I'm glad to hear that you're starting counseling. I'm going to my therapist tonight! Good luck and God bless!
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Old 07-05-2005, 07:02 AM   #4
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

I'm going through that too right now! I'm scared I am going to kill my family at night. There's times when I am really not sure if I would or not. Last night I thought if this is something I would really do I would rather do it to myself than anyone else. This **** sucks.

 
Old 07-10-2005, 10:45 PM   #5
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

i just wish i could put my finger on this as to the real exact cause.... it is so painful and i feel it really takes away from us and our self esteem.....

 
Old 07-11-2005, 07:23 AM   #6
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

OCD is tough. I have thoughts about hurting my kids. I have a psychiatrist and a Behavioral Therapist that I see each week. I think the therapy has helped, but the thoughts still come. I do all the mental exercises that my therapist gives me. I have two little girls and my husband and I were planning to have our third baby this year, but now to be honest I'm afraid. I'm afraid of getting postpartum OCD - it would be another nightmare. So my life has changed were I will now have 2 children instead of 3. At first, I was sad at having to change my plans, but I've learned to give thanks to God for what I have - a good husband and two healthy beautiful girls.
I have my faith in God that he will give me strength to fight OCD, but at times I get sad and think why did this have to happen to me. This is so unfair because I'm a good person.

 
Old 07-11-2005, 09:06 PM   #7
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

I totally understand! I am scared to death that I will have post-partum and what it will be like....and I am only 18!!! I still want to finish school and start a career before I have kids!

 
Old 07-12-2005, 08:44 PM   #8
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

I have similar problems :/ I'm always afraid I'll kill someone, when I'd never even hurt them unless they hurt me... It's extremely scary, becausw I always imagine myself killing my mom or my friends. I'm also afrain I might get beheaded. It scares me a LOT.

 
Old 07-13-2005, 06:35 AM   #9
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Re: disturbing visions with ocd

Yeah, I had a breakdown yesterday in my driving class. I have a driver's theory class before I go practice driving, and after everybody left and it was just me and the instructor, she asked me what I wanted to do because I'm still petrified about going out on the road. I just started sobbing because the stupid OCD makes driving sooo overwhelming and I think about all the ways that I could possibly hurt or kill somebody by me not being careful enough. I also felt bad because my mom would be paying the instructor for me just practicing in the parking lot and not advancing and the instructor would be wasting her time with me not willing to take the next step. So, she dropped me off at my house, and I called my mom, bawling, and she said that I could stop the driving lessons, and just practice in the parking lot for as long as I like with my dad. I hate that OCD holds me back in doing simple, everyday things...
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