itsjustmeLR

I am wondering if there is a less severe form of OCD because I highly doubt that I have ODC but in reading over some of the recent posts I have noticed that some of you who are diagnosed as OCD do certain things similarly to me. For example, I sometimes mentally go over conversations again and again going over all of the different scenarios or what could be said. While doing this I sometimes catch myself mumbling the conversation to myself. Also, I sometimes imagine what would happen if a kid brought a gun to my school, or my family got in a car crash, etc. However, these thoughts seem to be atypical of OCD because they do not cause aggitation.

Additionally, I have read that a common obsessive thought is the thought of harming oneself. I often think of this and think of suicide often. However, again I don't think these thoughts are consistent with ODC because I have actually been a cutter and at certain depressed points actually wanted to commit suicide. (Although I think about suicide without particularly wanting to do it even when im not depressed)

As far as compulsions go, I seem not to have any consistent compulsions. However, in another thread someone else talked about having to always add up the numbers on a clock. i do something similar. On digital clocks I try to find a way to either have the numbers be sequential, one side of the : be the reflecion of the other side, have the outer digets add to the same number as the inside digits, etc. But again, if I not doing this doesn't cause me real aggitation. Im not a neat freak but always stack/ order things biggest to littlest.

I also seem to occasionally get in a mode where I do steryotypically ODCish things (especially when i have alot of caffeine) Instances of this include my scrubbing the shower or sink at 2:30 in the morning because it was dirty, washing my hands a certain way, "needing" to organize a box of matches (you know the wood kind) so that they were alternating the way the heads were facing, etc. But these compulsions are not consistently present in my behavior.

Anyway, I don't know If anything I just said makes sense. Im probably just being paraniod, I tend to think any mental illness could apply to me. (Like a mental health hypocondriac- lol!) Any thoughts you have on the matter woud be appreciated.