surfin

I was wondering if anyone wanted to share their experiences with this form of OCD and also share my experiences as I enter therapy.

I have recently been officially diagnosed with OCD by a Clinical Psychologist. I beielive I have been suffering since the age of about 7/8 years old. It manifested in worries about illness then moved to sexuality from the age of 15 to about 24. During that period I also obsessed about being a child abuser. All these now seem to be in the past but I am currently battling with the relationship thoughts, however I’ve probably had this problem for a lot longer but not really realized it.

I'm currently paying to see a clinical psychologist privately, this has only just started, the route she is taking me is pretty much the same as the 'Brain Lock' book but with the possibility of using exposure further down the line. It may be useful for someone with similar problems to follow my treatment and hopeful gain from it. If anyone is interested in sharing the journey then please let me know.

I am currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years. We had a baby boy just over a year ago. I'm 26 and medication wise I’m taking 20mg of proxetine.

I've never been sure about whether I love my gf or not. Right from day one I’ve doubted it and spent hundreds of hours ruminating about it. We've split up several times due to me finishing it but this never seems to last long. The last time (about 4 weeks ago) I was very confused. I spent a long time considering the split and eventually did it thinking I would gain relief. The exact opposite happened, I felt guilt, pain and the weirdest thing of all a lot of love for my gf, feelings I thought weren't there. This was all to much and ended up back on the meds and in the psychologists office!

The worst thing I find about this whole problem is the feeling of being trapped, I feel dammed if I do (split up) dammed if I don't (stay together). What ever I do I feel pain and confusion. Dr Philpson's article 'I think it moved' is about as close to words as I can explain my experience. If anyone is suffering from this problem you should really read that article, I can tell you where it is if you don't know. One of the hardest things I find with all this is from reading others stories they say 'I know I love him/her but I just can't stop doubting it' well I don't know I love my gf and this makes me think this isn't ocd I just need to move on and find someone I know I love. But would this be possible!? Who knows? All I know is every time I’ve tried doing that I end up running back to my current gf.

It’s unbelievable that my gf is still with me, she now knows all about my ocd and there’s nothing I haven't told her including the sexuality ocd. She’s amazing really but from reading dr philpson's article he's says that its always these types of relationships that get hit by this, by that I mean very open, honest and generally very strong.

Anyway there’s just a small bit about me, I would love to hear from anyone going through the same stuff and also share my treatment with them.

Thanks for reading.