i need help - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

mochi* · 09-12-2005, 08:17 PM

Hi, I have been diagnosed with OCD sonce about 10 years now. I have been able to control it more or less for most of my life, though it does act up occasionally. This past year it has been almost unbearable. I went through I very painful breakup and had several other very emotional experiences this year. My OCD seems to be interfeing with EVERRY aspect of my life now, I can barely eat or even sit still most of the time. I feel as though I am a prisoner to it. I have no health insurance currently, and so I cannot get a threapist alos, I object to taking medication, as I have had bad experiences form them before. My OCD is primarily obsession-based, I worry ceaselesly, and this keeps me form being able to complete almost anthing, withour repating ti a bunch of times, waliking back and forth, I can't even decide on a plate to use, becuase I am so anxious about everything. TYhis is driving me nuts, people around me notice my nerrvouness, and think I'm just quirky, some ebven think it;s cute, or just annoying , i make up excuese as to whym I act so starnge because I am ashamed of my OCD. i WILL go back to a pshyciatrist as ssoon as I can aaford one, but I am struugoling to find hope or refuge fgor now. i am begiinng to feel as though I will never be able to live normally, and acheive my academic or carrer, even relaitonshhip goals because I am a nut case. Besides this disorder I am a optimistic, capable, hard-working, poasinate and creative person, this seems to squash everything lately. I can't hide it anymore, but I am afraid to tell anyone, only a few people know, and I don't know how to talk about it. Soory, I am rambling, I just need to get this out it is driving me crazy.
Yesterday I tried to tell my new boyfriend about it (we have been together almost a year now) , but he is so rational, and very intellectual about everything, it makes me woirry that he won't understand this at all, when I trued to tell him, becuase i keopt breaking down and crying for no obvious reason in formnt of him, I had to tell him, but all I managed to sat was that I have chronic derssion and something else.....
I can;'t talk to him about it, I'm sure that is a WHOILE NOTHER ISSUE for the relaitonshipo board, but I am afraid I will never be able to find someonew who will love and accept me with this disease, my ex did, and now he is gone form my life and I feel left alone to fight this withot any help.
anyway, sorry for going on and on...
i just want to know if anyone else that has OCD has had it practically take over their lives at times, and how they got past it, I want to know what hepls, and hopefully feel a little less nutty...

seriousperson · 09-13-2005, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mochi*

... people around me notice my nerrvouness, and think I'm just quirky, some ebven think it;s cute, or just annoying
...
i just want to know if anyone else that has OCD has had it practically take over their lives at times, and how they got past it, I want to know what hepls, and hopefully feel a little less nutty...

Yeah, when you are post-menapause, it's not so cute anymore, because even if I'm still a small person with a youthful (immature) personality, well, things are a little droopy...and it's just not cute.
So, I tried the meds again (first time since bad experience 30 years ago).
The OCD meds are not helping at all.
But the risperidal (anti-anxiety in small doses) is.
You could probably find a free clinic where they'll prescibe something if you have an idea of something you'd like to try.

It's nice that you even want to talk to your bfs about it. I think that's a sign of a good understanding of relationships. As long as it's not so co-dependent that you are always in the role of the sick one.

Have you done an Internet search for ADHD tests? When I first saw one (by accident) it was like: Oh! They're describing me!
I'm so old that it wasn't discussed when I was in school, and only recently has it been described in adults and girls.

Okay,
I will go to sleep now.
Got to get up in 3 hours.

hry33 · 09-16-2005, 02:21 PM

to mochi
borrow self help books on overcoming OCD and worry from your library and follow the advice in them

bkm4673 · 09-16-2005, 03:36 PM

i feel for u because i get very ashamed of my ocd also. goto to your county department of economic security and they will give you free health care if u qualify. good luck

Kathrin74 · 09-18-2005, 10:23 PM

When you do get back to see a psychiatrist or therapist, make sure the therapy is cognitive-behavioral, not psychoanalysis.

For me personally, medication (Prozac) has made a great difference, but I also understand if somebody doesn't want to take meds, especially if you have a bad reaction to them. Maybe try another one though?
But I think different things work for different people. I think Prozac helped me also because I had the right attitude to take it then, I mean I really told myself ok this is it this is going to be a miracle drug for me!!

In any case, no matter how, there are ways to get past this. Please believe me. I used to think I would be stuck with it forever, with the OCD just getting worse over the years (and yes, as you say, sometimes I would be able to kind of keep it under control, but then I would start worrying about something again and it would just take over my thoughts completely...

Oh and yes, isn't it terrible how we can be such creative and optimistic people otherwise - the OCD doesn't fit our personality at all!
That is just one more reason to keep telling yourself when you have an OCD thought: This is not me, it's the OCD talking. IT'S JUST AN OBSESSION! IT IS NOT REAL!

My suggestion for right now? See if you can find the book "Brain Lock". It gives these kinds of self help tips. Has really helped me. My psychiatrist had me read it while I started on Prozac at the same time.

BEST WISHES AND KEEP THE FAITH!!!!! When you get better feels SO WONDERFUL, lie... finally alive again... AND YOU CAN GET THERE TOO, BELIEVE ME!!!

Kathrin