Question about doubt - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

moodymom25 · 09-13-2005, 06:06 PM

Any advice on coping with doubt about having OCD in the first place? I am going through a very stressful period of time and my husband and I have seperated. Since this my OCD symptoms have gone through the roof leaving me crippled emotionally. My new thought this week is that I don't even have OCD I am just a person who is evil. I know this is not rational, but it is how I feel. After a silent period with no intrusive thoguhts,I felt like I had conquered so to speak. Now, I am suddenly dealing with more frequent, more bizarre thoughts that won't seem to go away. My anxiety has escalated to the point my heart starts racing, my stomach is in knots, and I awake with the urge to run outside, but pace instead. My new thought /.is thinking I am capable of acting out on my thoughts. I am seeing my doctor next week about this. Can stress increase your symptoms? I feel like a worthless person, and have even begun to think I am the devil's child. That is also a new unwanted thought. That I am now his and I belong to him, and I shall obey and submit to him. My head plays like a broken record all day repeating the same phrases, and accusations that I don't even have OCD. The voice goes something like this- " You don't have OCD, you are just evil", "you know you want to act out on your thoughts so why don't you?" What is stopping you?" it is as if their is an evil force that wants me to act out on these thoughts, that I know I never would dream of, but now think I could. Any words would help. Anyone gone through this before? Some of the thoughts I can't even post as it is too awful.

ckjk5 · 09-13-2005, 07:17 PM

I have been battling ocd for years. I totally understand where you are right now. To start with, you have ocd. There is no doubt in my mind. You have ocd. And, about acting on the thoughts, you will never act on them. You are not evil. Ocd is the monster. It is making you doubt yourself down to the core. I have had the same thoughts of being evil, acting on thoughts, ect. And, I also have gotten to the point where my ocd was "under control" and then it would hit real hard. You are under alot of stress, and unfortunately, ocd feeds on stress. The more stressed or upset I am, the worse the ocd gets. I know that even though I'm telling you this, you will still doubt. Each time those thoughts or phrases run over and over in your mind. Just rebound with the thought, "I know this is ocd". Even if it tries to fight back, don't try to answer or analyze. Just know that it's ocd. Breathe deep, get up and do something. Vaccum the floor, wash dishes, turn on some music. I don't feel that switching gears is running from the ocd. It's simply turning your attention for at least a little while to something else. And, I know it seems awful right now, but you will start to lift from these thoughts and feel better again. I promise you that. Ocd is ugly, but you will win the battle. Hang in there.....
Carla

GatsbyLuvr1920 · 09-13-2005, 08:28 PM

I have a very similar obsession: if I don't have a lot of obsessions one day, then I question whether I really do have OCD, or if I'm just faking so the doctors and my family will feel sorry for me and I can use this "fake" illness as an excuse in life... But, of course, as I always say, only a true obsessive-compulsive would doubt/worry about being obsessive-compulsive!

-GatsbyLuvr1920-

bkm4673 · 09-14-2005, 12:36 PM

moodymom i have the same things. sometimes i think i must just be evil part of the devil unlike anyone else in my famiy like parents or brother and sisters. sometimes i thik in my head i must be evil and so are other ocd'ers and we are goimg to suffer when we die and they just want to put us on meds while we are alive until we go back to the devil. but the thing is i am a catholic and go 1-2xs a week and i believe in god,jesus, mother mary, st.michael and all the angels and saintsb so i try to tell myself im just screwd up in the head. i wish i could help you too , you definitely have ocd from what youve said ,well at least thats my opinion. like you said take it day by day.....