Intrusive Self Destructive Thoughts Concerning God Help Help - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

blueeyesNSC43 · 01-24-2006, 12:14 PM

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WELL I HAVE HAD OCD FOR A LONG LONG TIME BUT IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH SELF DESTRUCTING THOUGHT S ABOUT THEIR SELF AND CONCERNING GOD...ITS HORRIBLE...I THINK I WOULD RATHER HAVE COMPULSIONS AND ANY OTHER OBSESSIONS BUT THESE LIKE THOUGHTS THAT TRY TO CONTROL GOD I KNOW IN MY SANE PART OF MY MIND THAT I CAN NOT CONTROL GOD THAT GOD CAN DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING AND GIVE ME ANYTHING GOOD OR BAD... BUT THESE SICK INSANE THOUGHTS JUST KEEP COMING AND COMING LIKE A BROKEN TAPE RECORDER I HAVE BEEN ON EFFEXXOR XR FOR ABOUT 12 OR SO YEARS IT HAS HELPED ME ALOT AS FAR AS MY DEPRESSION GOES BUT IT DOESNT REALLY HELP WITH THE THOUGHTS...I HAVE NOT BEEN TO A COUNSELOR IN A LONG TIME...I GET MY MEDS THRU MY FAMILY DOCTOR...AND I HAVE NO FAMILY SUPPORT AND NO FRIENDS TO MAKE MATTERS EVEN WORSE.....ITS SO HARD AND I HAVE DIABETES ON TOP OF ALL THESE MENTAL/EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN AND NOT WAKE UP OF JUST DIE...I HATE THESE THOUGHTS THEY MAKE ME SICK PHYSICALLY, I DONT WANT THEM OR MEAN THEM....BUT THEY AR E SO VERY INTRUSTIVE LIKE I SAID OVER AND OVER A NEVER ENDING TAPE RECORDING OF THOUGHTS I DONT WANT AND IT FEELS LIKE I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEM THAT THEY CONTROL ME .........PLEASE PLEASE HELP I F YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO COPE, HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFE IN GENERAL , HOW TO GO ABOUT TRYING TO MAKE SOME WOMEN FRIENDS OR ANY HERBS THAT MIGHT HELP OR MEDICATION ...PLS WRITE BACK THANKS SO MUCH....

GatsbyLuvr1920 · 01-25-2006, 09:12 PM

I get them all day, every day!

Anything religious in nature (i.e. the sight of a church, the mention of the Bible, etc) sparks a blasphemous thought in my mind automatically. Just reading your post caused me to have an instantaneous obsession, which of course, I will have to undo with my praying/crossing compulsion once I finish this...

It's especially aggravating for me because I am a very religious person, so it distresses me. I think what keeps me going is that I know that God knows I don't mean it, that He gave me the disorder to help educate others about it and to do research on it, and that religion is something sacred to me because obsessions only attack what you hold dearest. Good luck, God bless, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me, someone who's been plagued with blasphemous obsessions on-and-off for six years!

-GatsbyLuvr1920-

Stumper · 01-28-2006, 03:26 PM

Blue,
Personally I would take a closer look at your medication and see if it has lost its savor. My son had these types of thoughts so bad that a number of times we had to leave church, right in the middle of church or he would refuse to go in. Later we used a little Ativan which turned things around dramatically. I always referred to them (Ativan) as "thought busters". He is on Anafranil and he hasn't had those types of thoughts now in months. For that matter he now takes very little of it and no Ativan at all. I know that these types of thoughts can be tuff, watching my own son struggle so greatly. But keep in mind that God does understand and he would NEVER hold anything against you because of a physical ailment. If he did we ALL would be in trouble. I mean, look at Job.
God knows that we are human and he knows our frailties.

Also, are you controlling your diabetes well? This would be very important in controlling those thoughts.