Tired of trying to find the reasons.... - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

ckjk5 · 02-01-2006, 05:14 PM

My ocd has flared up yet again. I am walking around all day, doing what I need to do, with the questions, worries, in my mind. I was reading a book the other day and came across the name of one of the women who did the unthinkable. And, that just happens to be one of my main obsessions. I am so afraid of ever hurting one of my children, or taking their life. So, I went researching on the internet to prove to myself that I am not like her. She had so many mental problems,religious issues,ect. Anyway, I now know that I don't have the problems she had. But, I can't quit questioning how someone could do that. My children are the world to me, but weren't they to her too?? What makes me so sure that I will never end up like her?? I know that I'm alright now, but "what if"? You all know the what ifs. They are endless. I'm just so tired of walking around afraid all the time. It takes the joy away from time I spend with my kids and husband. But, it's always right there in the back of my mind. I'm alright now, but what if I start thinking the demons are talking to me,ect. Thanks for listening. I hope someone can relate....
carla

apriltones · 02-02-2006, 02:00 PM

hi carla! i get like that! im 24! uk!
its a good sign your a good person!x

RatGirl · 02-03-2006, 12:36 AM

I totally understand. I'm terrified of the dishwashing detergent. I'm so scared I will accidentally poison someone with it that I have to use every glass or plate with a smudge so it will kill me instead of them if it's going to. Am I nuts or what?

basal1999 · 02-03-2006, 05:36 PM

Carla,

i could've written that post! i have you read many books
on this?

you know there ARE NO REASONS..

your first little thought has snowballed beyond belief, do you know
this?

can you tell me about your first thought? i'm sure it was a 1/2 second
image that scared you, am i right?

i ruminate too, i hate it, i have started to chant "don't ruminate"
it sort of got me over my bad week...i've also realized that i have
so many thought/panic memories that the smallest things connect
to that and it starts again, luckily i have alot of good/confident
memories to pull me out of it again.

the way they say, don't question and welcome the thought,
accept the panic and face it, i really believe it's the answer,
because ruminating and questioning is fighting it and we all
know that makes it worse.

please let me know how you are and if you have ever
used these strategies b/f and if they've worked.

ruminating is REALLY a dead end!!

carla, sorry to hear you're having a bad day, week?
i too am so sick of being afraid of my thoughts.

hugs,
kris

basal1999 · 02-03-2006, 05:44 PM

i forgot something.

i too, try to figure out why people go crazy and do this.
i think, "will that make me go crazy" or "will that make me go
crazy" and so on..."what makes people snap", etc..etc..etc..

what about convincing yourself that you love your kid(s),
that's the worse. the doubting.

ughhhhhh....remember if the thought makes you uncomfortable,
it's the panic/OCD monster.

hope it feels comforting to know, we have EXACT thoughts,
as do many others i've come across.

kris