I have been waiting almost a year to get an assessment from a clinical psychologist as to my need for CBT.
I had the first part of the assessment last week, and the second part is next week. I was very nervous and was terrified that she would regard me as an attention seeker. Since that day my obsession with cutting my hair to achieve symmetry has been much worse - almost as if I am punishing myself for seeking help. I have had this obsession with my hair for years and as it has got so bad in the last year or two I decided to seek help, as it not only effects me but my husband and daughter in taking a lot of my time away from them and doing housework.
My parents made me feel like I was an attention seeker as a child, because I would cry a lot when teased by my brother. My father would then tease me for crying and seemed to gain some morbid pleasure in seeing me cry more. The tears were genuine. Is this where the feeling of being an attention seeker comes from, or am I really an attention seeker?
I have had many obsessions in life and the hair cutting thing is just one of them. I am absolutely terrified really of asking this question as if the answer is yes, I will probably want to punish myself in some way. But I have to know.
Well I can't cut anymore hair off as last night, after purchasing a new wig at the weekend, I removed all the hair off my head with hair removal cream. I'm that desperate to stop cutting it, I thought that if I did this I won't be constantly checking in the mirror or touching it my hair to check whether it is even or not. A bit drastic I know, and I feel a bit freaky for it, but I have a nice wig. I cut my last wig to pieces, but I have learnt my lessen as I was totally panic stricken afterwards and at least feel a bit more normal now that I have a nice new one.