Struggling - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

J.R · 06-19-2006, 11:52 PM

Hello, I'm new to this board and have never posted anything anyway concerning my OCD. I also have ADHD but have a much easier time discussing that than the OCD.
Basically I think it is getting worse the older I get. I get awful thoughts that begin like a little tickle in your throat, you know mildly annoying then they grow into an all encompassing horror show going on in my mind where violent accidents happen to my daughter and husband in graphic detail. Then I punish myself for thinking such things and worry that now I will have set the wheel of fate in motion and my imaginary movies will begin to play out in real life.
I'm only guessing that this is part of my OCD. I'm also terribly superstitious and wont even say or do certain things JUST INCASE I make something bad happen. It's like I am constantly trying not to tempt FATE.
Does anyone out there understand this?
This type of thought pattern is dangerous for me as I find myself craving alcohol, drugs, to hurt myself as I don't know what else to do.
It's starting to take its toll on my marriage too.
Any response would be so greatly appreciated

steveo23 · 06-20-2006, 04:10 AM

J.R.

Hey, I think maybe it would be best to discuss things with your doctor if you find stuff is getting out of hand. OCD is usually chronic once it starts, and prone to periods of differing severity. It maybe stresses in your life that are making it worse as you get older.

Yeah, the thoughts have a tendency to "snowball". One thought can set off a whole chain of them that persist for ages and drive you crazy. The violent thoughts are very, very common in OCD, especially concerning family members and loved ones. I have them all the time, so I know how distressing it can be. Please dont punish yourself for thinking such things. The thoughts are in no way your fault, they are simply "brain belches". OCD will centre around your worst fears... and your fears obviously concern the well being of your family. Try to recognize the irrational nature of your OCD... that having these thoughts will in no way set them in motion in real life. The thoughts have NO power. The only power they have is to upset and hurt you personally, if you let them.

Superstition (beyond usual levels) is also a common part of this complaint. For example, a lot of people will throw salt over their shoulder when they spill to warn off bad luck (at least in England). I'd do the same as a kid, but my reason if I didnt do it was that everyone would die, I would get taken away, and it would be all my fault.

Please dont turn to alcohol and drugs... both can have an adverse effect on OCD, and will only make depression worse. Not to mention the other stuff they do to your health.

Skip Service · 06-20-2006, 06:33 AM

Stevo23 .. please check the 'Are these my....' topic ! ... Healthboards has the mail option removed and this really gets me do this crazy stuff!! .. that topic is still hot!

J.R · 06-21-2006, 06:29 AM

Thanks for that

It's reassuring to know I'm not a complete crackpot.
Any tips on how to convince oneself that those things arn't really going to come back and get me if I let my guard down? I mean the rational me knows that all the bad thoughts and images are nothing more than imagination so why I'm I terrified?
It's just stupid.

steveo23 · 06-21-2006, 07:20 AM

JR

Hey, you're welcome. You're not even half a crackpot.

A lot of OCD stems from fear of not being in control of our environment/selves... and as people, we rationally know that it is impossible to sure of anything. The way out of OCD that they teach you in therapy is to accept the possibilty of bad things happening, and also acceptance that you have these thoughts. That way your mind doesnt get sucked into obsessing and getting in the way of your life. That is when the terror and anxiety come in... when you begin to explore possibilities. Everyone has bad thoughts about the things and people they care most about... people without OCD just shudder, probably worry as we do, but then think no more of it. We tend to delve into possibilities, and we have to learn to think like people without OCD. Because in the end, possibilities are possibilities, and nothing more. Take the attitude "well yeah, whatever, thats an OCD thought". Dont fight or block the thoughts, just let them come and pass, no matter how upsetting they are. Fighting them increases their frequency. Dont engage with them, try to view them in a clinical way. Talking stuff over with your husband might help a lot. My OCD has improved greatly since I became more open about it.

Everytime you begin to obsess, do something else. Clean the car. Annoy a family member. It helps me.

The thing to remember is that the thoughts DO come from you, but they dont define you... thats why they arent your fault, and self punishment or shame isnt necessary. And dont live in fear of fate, or live in "fear of fear"... as the old saying goes, "no fate but what we make". And we certainly dont make it with OCD thoughts.