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Old 06-12-2006, 04:08 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: wi
Posts: 6
skwurl_27 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

I have similar intrusive thoughts lately, and they scare the hell outta me! i mentioned at one time to my dr. that i thought maybe it was ocd, but he said not if i don't have any "ritual" type behavior. i do a lot of counting, though---like how many steps i take, counting items i put in the washer or groceries i put away. that doesn't sound normal to me! how do i convince my dr that i have this? i'm already on effexor for depression and panic disorder.

Old 06-12-2006, 04:38 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: texas
Posts: 26
rastarose5 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

hey thanx to all the people who post and respond again i will say how it totally makes me feel better because it helps me realize that im not alone in this.. although its sad to realize how we all suffer from the same disease and how much it puts a strain on our lives! Night4rain, i also have been having some crazy obsessions about children and also about my mom dying; the thought came to my head about killing her,, although of course i would never do that, it creates the worst anxiety ive ever felt.. ! Im currently taking zoloft for only about a month i hope it starts working soon.. and its hard to find a therapist also and to skwirl .. i was going to say, dont give up, i havent even got a diagnoses from any psychs , they all seem like they dont know what they r talking about, i guess its just hard to find someone who knows about PURE O or anything about OCD that could help.. like i just stared seeing this therapist, and she doesnt know the exposure reponse therapy and im questioning already if i should continue seeing her? the last one said i was suffereing post traumatic stress disorder! how strange eh? and ive already had several other diagnoses until i researched on the internet and found out about PURE O.,, dont give up,

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Old 06-12-2006, 10:33 PM   #3
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 60
Cecelia117 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

I have similar intrusive thoughts lately, and they scare the hell outta me! i mentioned at one time to my dr. that i thought maybe it was ocd, but he said not if i don't have any "ritual" type behavior. i do a lot of counting, though---like how many steps i take, counting items i put in the washer or groceries i put away. that doesn't sound normal to me! how do i convince my dr that i have this? i'm already on effexor for depression and panic disorder.
Many people who have intrusive thoughts like that have Pure O, and the "rituals" are mental. Maybe look up Pure O on the web and see if any of the mental compulsions match yours, and then talk to your doctor about it again. Also Imp of the Mind is a really good book about bad thoughts that really has helped me alot. If you haven't read it yet try and get it. I've read it several times. I have Pure O so I know how scary the thoughts are.

Old 06-13-2006, 01:59 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 108
basal1999 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

swurl 27,

the ruminating or trying to feel better about the thought IS the
compulsion, being reassured by other people, the constant trying
to neutralize the bad thought and convince yourself you're not
crazy IS the compulsion, this doc must not get it!

Old 06-21-2006, 07:02 AM   #5
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 221
Worried1977 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

Wow i didnt think nothing was wrong until i read skwurls post..about "ritual" behavior. i often catch myself counting my steps and laundry too but my past jobs have always included constantly counting money so thats always why i thought i did it.

But lately other thoughts have actually stopped my every day living. for one i LOVE to go fishing. but for the past few years everytime i go i get this thing in my head where someone is just gonna come along and push me into the water. i dont know how to swim so maybe thats just a fear instead of ocd. another thing is my son is 8 and my daughter is 10 months old. EVERY SINGLE night i have to kiss my son on the forehead sometimes i think if i DONT do it something bad will happen and im contantly checking my daughter to make sure shes breathing. i still check my sons breathing to. up until recently i would just bathe my daughter in the kitchen sink cuz we have sliding doors on the shower and its hard to bathe her in the tub and my b/f went to clean the sink with bleach before bathing her and i flipped out because i thought the bleach wouldnt come out and it would burn her skin. i ended up cleaning it and i rinsed it for about half an hour then i wouldnt make her bottle near the counter because i thought maybe some bleach got on the counter and i was worried about it getting in her bottle although i cleaned the counter too. When i leave the house i normally come back in to check things like the stove or coffee pot (although i dont drink coffee) and now i dont even bleieve my eyes. i have to TOUCH the stove knobs! i have gotten alot better about it though and most times i dont even re enter the house to check. my mom suffered from this too. it got to the point where when she would leave to go somewhere she kept coming back in the house while i was sitting in the car and we were always late to where we needed to go she would go in the house 5 or 6 times. i remember my aunt telling me years ago that she read an article about a guy that was trying to send out a letter to someone and he couldnt send it..he kept opening the letter over and over again because he thought his daughter was IN IT!! i used to like scary movies and i handled them well but not anymore. if i see something gory i always think its gonna happen to me. ive never had any "disturbing" thoughts so maybe these are just the basic little fears.

Old 07-03-2006, 06:51 PM   #6
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 85
Sanchez1 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

Bumping this up. I have had intrusive thoughts, seemingly evident when I am extremely anxious or sad.

It makes sense that I am experiencing them now as I am severly homesick and depressed. My latest intrusive thoughts are regarding myself, and it SCARES ME. I am scared to be alone, I am thinking I may actually hurt myself. The "What Ifs" are horrible. I am not a violent person, nor do I want to hurt myself. Suicide cross my mind alot-not wanting to, but the what ifs. Or "I could just do this..." Almost like my mind is seeing how far it can go with me. What has bothered me more is that it seems like I am not even phazed or scared...but I am scared of acting on the thoughts, if that is understandable. Scared of going out of control, I suppose.

I haven't read of anybody having similar thoughts as mine, so I am kind of scared. I am seeing a therapist next week and cannot wait to talk to him. In the meantime, I'd like to know this is something attributed to my OCD/Anxiety, and that I am not a harm to myself.

It's horrible to keep this all in, and wonder if I really am crazy.

Old 07-04-2006, 04:31 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 763
Kathrin74 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

Hello there,

I am glad you are going to talk to somebody about your intrusive thoughts. Make sure it is somebody who is very familiar with OCD, and make it clear that you are NOT suicidal (unless you are, of course, but the way yopu describe it here it doesn't sound like it). I am just saying this because therapists have to take any mention of suicide very seriously, for ethical reasons. So make sure you are on the same page here.

About your thoughts concerning harming yourself... they are not uncommon OCD-related intrusive thoughts. (Actually, they are not even all THAT uncommon for people without OCD, occasionally. I know more than one person who has felt the "urge" to jump down from somewhere, just the sneaky little "what if" that pops up. My Mom says she can't sleep in a room up high because she is afraid she might jump!

Thoughts of harm are a very common theme, often regarding other people (like "what if I am going to hurt my child?") but also oneself. Of course it is impossible to get a clear picture of what you are going through over the internet, but just from what i have read, it sounds very much like an OCD thing to me.


Old 07-06-2006, 01:20 PM   #8
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Posts: 93
MissyS HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

As I read all of these posts I feel like crying out of relief and also a teeny bit of self-pity... I have the same intrusive thoughts... what if I hurt this person? What if I hurt myself? I have a terrible fear of knives and sharp objects and it doesn't help that sometimes I just feel so defeated! I feel like I'm never going to get better and I'm going to be a horrible mother (I'm pregnant). I was lucky to be diagnosed during a hospital visit by the head psychiatrist. I've never been to the psychiatric ward (only the medical) but I was still lucky to get a diagnosis.

I feel like so many people only know about the rituals and obsessions seen on tv... which are a big part of ocd, but not the only part. And I am so afraid of people judging me... I get so frustrated because people don't understand.

Anyways, the point of this post is that I think it's great that we can all be here for one another... Because it helps a lot to know that I'm not the only one going through this!

If anyone would ever like to chat, feel free to email...

Please read the posting rules which explain that offering or asking off board contact is not permitted. The boards are to be used for on board sharing, only. The email and private message features are turned off so that use of the message boards remain anonymous. The only contact you may make with members is to post on the board.

Last edited by moderator2; 07-06-2006 at 07:06 PM. Reason: Please honor your membership agreement. Please read and follow the posting rules.

Old 07-06-2006, 04:57 PM   #9
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 85
Sanchez1 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

Thank you for everyones kind and encouraging words. It means alot, especially when people on the "outside" don't understand. I have made an appointment with a therapist. I was scared for the longest because I thought they would think I am crazy and lock me away I get anxious even talking about that

Thanks again, everyone.

Old 07-06-2006, 11:05 PM   #10
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 60
Cecelia117 HB User
Re: Disturbing thoughts

I just wanted to let you know that I also have self harm obsessions, and I don't think it is really that uncommon in OCD. It is scary though, the feeling that you may lose control and hurt yourself. I have one self harm obsession in particular that I have to deal with quite a bit. I also have obsessions with harming others. It is hard to talk about with people who don't have this problem, and boards like these are great.

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