ive never bin to a doc for nething of this nature. i appear normal with strange quirks of nervousness, unsociable and a bit nuts at times-but i get by with a small group of freinds and my family who only know me for me. but i hide depression among many other things. one thing i have wondered latley-can OCD be the cause of all this?
ive heard of pure O OCD. can sum1 explain further. its just the thing that triggered my depression was obbsessing night and day, for 2 years over a situation, that then developed into an obbsession over what had, what hadnt and what never ever will happen. i obbsessed over ever scenario, i lived it in my head, the same one over and over until it was worn out then onto the next,i spent most of the day engaged with these in my head, unless i was with others and my mind was taken off it-but then sumtimes i just wanted to be alone with my obbsession. nearly four years on i spend most of my day in a dream world, repeating scenarios, made up relationships, i rethink thoughts constantly, sumtimes it stops me from focusing on revision and stuff-or it just gets me down.
ive had this to an extent for as long as i remember. as a child id get an innocent idea in my head and then disappear into my world to replay it over and over-i do enjoy most of them tho, but it gets in the way and sumthings r better for the soul not to relive.
also, ive always had weird habits that come and go, they do not cause immense distress-it just has to feel right, like ive just hit whatever it is on the head and its no longer waving and sticking its tongue out at me. like as a child id check lights and plugs or else i thought all my family wud die,this was never major or big enuff for sum1 to notice. but i remember crying at night cause these thoughts wer in my head that every1 wud die-this then became the obbsession that they wud die-i became very nervous and anxious about my mom being lost, dying, falling, if she had a sore head i thought she had a brain tumour and was dying, if she was lost in a shop i thought she was dead or lost forever, if they pulled the shutters down while she was still shopping i thougth they were keeping her there and wud torture her, if she was late from sumwere i thought she's had a car accident-the same goes for my dad and brother-i till hav these worries but i try to ignore them. i also always had a blinking habit and still do that people wud ask me about or else just notice and say nothing. it happpens in times of stress, tiredness or just is there sumtimes. i blinmk over and over sumtimes without noticing, others i know im doing it but have to do it to the exact intensity and ensure its rite-just cos it feels complete and right.i had a coughing habit too, and a sorta throat sounding one, sorta like squeaking-mom thought this was highly embarressing. i also constantly click, pop and tense muscles, i do it without noticing but also cos i feel they have to be done and they just go in an order.not many notice this or at least they dont say-cause most of it thankfully is internal so only i know wen im doing it.
i also had a breif thing that drove every1 nuts about removing plugs, switches and everything while sum1 walked outta the room or it wasnt in use. i also like to close cupboard doors and aline the kitchen chairs with the table. i cud resist if i tried, with minimal effort-but it felt rite to fix them and it was sorta soothing or sumthing. ive always bin weird about cleanliness altho im a messy person. i notice fluff or thread on people and want to pull it out, i cannot take sum1 eating with their mouth open i get angry and it makes me not look at them or else heave(i used to not really eat lunch with people as a child-it was sickening even wen they just ate normal), food round peoples mouths is awful or spit!
i watched the Aviator which i thought was good. it represented alot of the things i dont like and i cud identify with habits, such as repetition, in my head i go thru phases were i emphasis syllables in my head, the sounds and the letters i spell out in my head like im typing it on a type writer.
i just wanted to know if this cud possibly be sum form of OCD. wen i put all this together i wud say yes, but the sympotms r so scattered and in bouts. they do not implode on daily life-sumtimes makes me appear odd but i have no anxoety about germs abnd stuff-it the obbsessions in my head, the rethinking over and over and ther thoughts that i do ever day ost of the day. i also go thru bouts of intrusive thoughts wer several times a day i get violent gory images of bad things happnening to me and my family, sometimes its me doing it. plz help-what do u guys think and sorry it was sooo long. xox
you know i can relate, i used to ( and still do about things) obsess over the silliest things and would have to do repetative behavior like the dishes or random things that would make me feel like it would stop any bad thing from happening, this was when i was like 18 but ,.. Then it went from that to violent obsessions. mainly currently just the thought to" kill my mom" and i keep wondering why i developed something against her all of a sudden and i have to catch myself from thinking negative thoughts about her over nothing its horrible~! i love her so much
Also, i would do tha same thing, like rethink over and over again different things i have done or how things might have turned out different and whatnot.. or somethin stupid i said and i get this feeling of shame and embaressment like long after the fact
anyhow, i can relate..
I, too, am a pure obsessional. This class of OCD-ers have obsessions just like all other OCD-ers, but we have few (if any) compulsions, and the ones that we do have are almost always mental. (This is why us pure obsessionals often go undiagnosed and suffer in silence for so long because nobody "sees" our obsessive-compulsive behavior.) For example, someone who's a handwasher may have the obsession that they are germy and going to harm someone. Thus, they wash so they don't get someone sick and/or kill them. A pure obsessional, on the other hand, would get the obsession that that they were going to hurt someone, usually by actually seeing themselves killing a loved one (making them think they "want" to kill the person), but to eliminate the fear, they will mentally pray to keep the person "safe," or they'll have to mentally repeat a phrase, such as "Please don't die, please don't die..." Other common mental compulsions are mentally counting and the "counter-image," which is when an OCD-er mentally changes a "bad" image to a "good" one, such as having to see a perfect, unharmed mental picture of their grandmother right after they have just seen themselves stabbing the said grandmother. Pure "O's" can have all of the types of obsessions, but usually, it is categorized by three types: blasphemous, sexual, and violent obsessions. I have had all three and still have blasphemous and violent ones almost daily. As for mental compulsions, I've done them all but count, although I do tap rhythms/count in my head, but that's not to eliminate anxiety. My current compulsion combines a praying compulsion with the mental repetition of a phrase. Good luck, God bless, and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"